I’d heard great things about this awesome Indonesian bad movie. Thus, for your enjoyment, I just had to subject myself to it. And it is awesome!
It starts off rather bland, with a (rather ugly) woman shagging some guy (cowgirl styley) whereby as she climaxes she does something or other to his penis and blood spurts everywhere. She finishes by walking towards the came and uttering the awesome line of: “is there any man who can satisfy me?”
The plot (for what there is) is pretty basic. So basic in fact that IMDb gives it one line: The spirit of an ancient evil queen posesses the body of a young anthropological student, who then goes on a murderous rampage.
Although it is, it seems, based on a book called The Legend of the South Sea Queen.
Anyway, after man one is dispatched of, man two comes in to try his luck with the ugly chick, and he wins! He lives to tell the tale and the ugly bitch promises vengeance upon his granddaughter.
Fast forward and we have an anthropologist enquiring about a dusty old book. I know she’s an anthropologist and she keeps mentioning it. Next thing she’s on the hunt for a relic and diving under water. Next thing we see is the boat being destroyed and her (in some sort of dream/hallucination) being strapped to a bed and having an eel waggle up her vag (well, through her bikini bottoms). Kinky!
Two drunks (one who can seemingly piss like a fire hose) see a woman emerge from the watery depths and come to shore. One guy takes her into his car and a bit of rumpy pumpy happens. Guy two waits patiently and gets his turn. Unfortunately for them she’s the lady terminator in question and kills them both (after sex) but it’s here we get to see some boobage:
and it is good! So, boob-chick (above) is now the reincarnation of the ugly-chick.
After our good lady terminator has trashed a hotel room and (probably) raped a security guard (to death) we see the stereotypical American doofuses. Complete with bad lines, bar brawl and bad hair. Behold:
Mullet-man (who is called ‘Snake’ by the way), and seems to be wearing a woman’s denim jacket, has been quite suitably dubbed as the typical stoner/surfer character.
Meanwhile, lady terminator cobbles together some clothing (somehow getting an uzi sub-machine gun) and extracts vengeance in the ladies bathroom:
And all this in just thirty minutes!
Having mulled over some dead bodies the cops hit the bar and we see a suspiciously familiar scene where a (lady) terminator busts into the bar and starts shooting up the place. Our man in the gay shirt (see photo above) says to his girl “come with me if you want to live“, and they flee the bar. Lady terminator gives chase and after a few (inevitable) stumbles our people flee the scene in a car. But she’s still after them! The girl is, of course, the granddaughter of the ugly chick shagger.
They end up in some lab somewhere and it’s here they find out that she (the terminator) is actually a missing person. This is found via their 1970’s 386 PC:
Some creepy old guy gives the girl a family heirloom type gift. Next thing we know the lady terminator is giving chase in the most bizarre car I’ve ever seen on celluloid:
If anyone knows what make/model that car is please let me know. I want one, and I can’t even drive.
Having laid waste to a small army of security people (at some lab of sorts) she continues to stalk the girl. But fear not, for creepy old guy is here to save you!
Oh, OK, maybe not:
Oh well, but since most characters are now dead our heroes head for the hills and camp outside, in a remote area, to hide from the lady terminator and bonk like rabbits. Lady terminator meanwhile has assumed the lotus position to meditate:
But lady terminator is injured. Best course of action? A scalpel to the eye of course! If that scene also sounds familiar then, yes, I think they stole it from some American film.
Our heroes head for a shopping mall and are attacked by the lady terminator.
OK, this is beginning to sound more and more like that ‘other’ film I was talking about…
After some more explosions, car chases and what-not they fire rockets at our good lady engulfing her in flames. But she’s not out, she’s up and about, badly burned, but now (somehow!) firing laser beams from her eyes!:
Eventually they drop a net from a helicopter and capture the lady terminator. It’s at this point she shoots laser beams from her eyes and blows the helicopter out of the sky.
She purses our heroes into a building and upstairs. Lady terminator finally attacks the girl who pulls out the family heirloom (which apparently she’s been carrying with her the whole time) and stabs the lady terminator. This kills her outright. Not entirely sure why/how, but it does. At the end we’re treated to a crappy speech about good and evil.
I’ve nothing else to say about this film except: awesomeness. Watch it!