Mahakaal (1993) – the Indian Nightmare on Elm Street rip-off!

Mahakaal (1993)

‘Plot’: A demon torments the family and friends of Anita in order to take revenge on his death, which was caused by her police-officer father. The rest of the movie is how Anita tackles the demon with the help of her boyfriend. (from IMDb)

buy genuine Clomiphene online Ronnie (back story): Whilst watching a documentary on A Nightmare on Elm Street they showed a brief clip from, and mentioned, a Bollywood rip-off version called buy cheap generic Quetiapine Mahakall. This just had to be tracked down and viewed. The results are shown below…

Ronnie: I like the scary face
Alex: Backlight, puppet head
Alex: Freeze frame credit sequence
Alex: good rip-off music
Ronnie: OK that IS the music from NoES!
Alex: oh man this is two hours and 12 minutes long
Alex: holy dinosuar-riding Christ this is an epic
Ronnie: You aint seen nothin’ yet!
Alex: they have a fight choreographer
Alex: please tell me this turns into a martial arts film
Ronnie: Oh no, it turns in to song and dance…
Ronnie: (no, seriously, I’m not kidding)
Alex: are you serious
Alex: oh dude…
Alex: a musical nightmare on elm street from India?
Ronnie: indeed!
Alex: …….fuuuuuck

See? It's legit, they have a certificate to prove it...

Alex: I guess we should kind of elaborate on what’s going down for the kids at home
Ronnie: Dunno if he’s grabbing her, or she’s grabbing him!
Alex: creepy Indian Kreuger guy is chasing some 30-something Indian gal around in a dreamscape
Ronnie: except he walks like a zombie
Alex: Directed by the brothers Ramsay
Ronnie: ‘Coming in my bedroom’ – awesome bad translation

Translators, you see what happens when you miss out even just a simple word?...

Alex: was he ever
Ronnie: HOLY CRAP! The dad looks like Saddam!
Alex: Namaste, Ronnie
Alex: yeah he does, but more handsome with a more pimping robe
Alex: so many screencaps needs to happen right now

Spot the real Michael Jackson...

Ronnie: This has gone… uhhh….
Alex: and Thriller is playing
Alex: So in the movie, they are singing the praises on the directors
Ronnie: DEFINITELY a capture of his face talking about something meaty!! ๐Ÿ˜€

Gayer than a screaming pink gay thing...

Alex: dude
Alex: this movie has turned into pure magic
Alex: I hope it’s just the michael jackson wannabe man for 2 more hours
Ronnie: please God no
Ronnie: Although the ‘Nancy’ of the film has nice boobs ๐Ÿ˜€
Alex: please dear allah yes
Alex: man on man kiss
Ronnie: Eugh!
Alex: this is getting like 100 stars so far
Ronnie: I thought that kind of thing is banned
Ronnie: I think there’s a song on the go here…
Alex: most def
Ronnie: honestly, they’re not lip-synching
Alex: This beats the hell out of Lady GaGa
Ronnie: Just as bizarre if nothing else…
Alex: actually, less bizarre so far
Ronnie: YES! Wet t-shirt with jumping!
Ronnie: Either she dances like a gimp, or the mini-skirt is somewhat restricting her movements
Alex: probably the skirt
Ronnie: OK OK, what is… the extended 12″ remix?
Ronnie: *is this
Alex: This reminds me of the Buffalaxed videos on Youtube
Alex: but…serious
Ronnie: yeah, his were hilarious ‘will he poop on my knee’ was particularly funny
Alex: oh man super zoom on the boob
Ronnie: why are all these 20-somethings in school?
Alex: College
Ronnie: Yeah, ‘spose
Alex: she is reading Agatha Christie!
Alex: wow
Ronnie: yeah, that’s where all the answers will be
Alex: of course
Alex: The dad is a fishy character
Ronnie: how come the mother and daughter look the same age?
Alex: because the casting is all friends and family of the directors
Ronnie: and Michael Jackson impersonators…
Alex: Hey now, don’t shit on that guy, he is the best part of the film
Alex: That door could use some WD-40
Ronnie: well, it was certainly a surprise piece!
Alex: I just realized this film was made in ’93
Alex: it looks like it was made in ’78
Ronnie: Now we have the alleged dead kid doing a Jesus
Ronnie: yeah, maybe using old film stock is part of the budget? ๐Ÿ˜€
Alex: I need some people getting murdered pretty quick
Ronnie: by the way, just you mentioning the 80’s look, this is a DVD rip ๐Ÿ˜€
Alex: that’s hard to believe
Ronnie: I don’t think they gave this a loving upgrade
Alex: wow that scene wasn’t from Psycho at all
Alex: ahhh and the infamous NOES face rip
Ronnie: she certainly can scream
Alex: A room full of boners…
Ronnie: Nice one ๐Ÿ˜€
Alex: That was parody level bad with the skeletons
Ronnie: Saddam doesn’t look impressed at her distress
Ronnie: while in his pink robe
Alex: Dad is also a mean old fucker

Gratuitous shot of some awesome knockers ๐Ÿ˜€

Alex: OH MAN that was a borderline rape on a school campus
Ronnie: ‘going to give you what you need’
Ronnie: turns out to be a wetting with a hose :/
Ronnie: that’s it… they’re a gay gang
Ronnie: 1993, yet the cars look 1973
Alex: So this is a college that is ok with attempted rapes, people trying to legit killer on another with gardening equipment, and people singing about shit
Ronnie: head college guy looks like Dan Akroyd
Alex: This movie needs like a John Woo style gunfight
Alex: The Indian Dan Akroyd
Alex: oh no, more singing
Ronnie: Aw crap
Ronnie: I’m holding on to the hope that the chicks wear bikinis
Ronnie: They’re singing about a picnic?!
Alex: yup
Ronnie: What is this, Cliff Richard??!
Alex: this is just about the silliest thing ever
Ronnie: Yeah, but I’m focused on the chick with the big hooters and her white t-shirt ๐Ÿ˜€
Alex: some people at this picnic I don’t recognize
Ronnie: I recognise those two in the white t-shirt ๐Ÿ˜€
Alex: bravo, ronnie
Alex: Apparently that lake hasn’t been sunject to a BP oil rig yet
Alex: subject^
Ronnie: Nor is it that deep it seems
Ronnie: ‘we will have a gay old time’? :/

I'm sniggering on the assumption that there's a missing 'g' in those subtitles...

Alex: great lyrics
Alex: that dude is creepyyyyyyyyy
Ronnie: WELL creepy!
Ronnie: Hitler moustache and all

Creepy dude is... creepy!

Alex: so car won’t start, and they are spending the night is some creepy hotel in the middle of nowhere
Alex: they are hitting a lot of horror cliches
Ronnie: Yeah, all from different movies unfortunately!
Ronnie: I reckon creepy Hitler dude is on drugs… has to be
Alex: YES, dancing man is back at it
Ronnie: cheapest fight scene ever
Ronnie: no action, only a camera rotating 180′ either way
Alex: At least it didn’t turn into a song
Ronnie: give it time :/
Alex: I’m kind of seeing West Side Story elements peek through too
Ronnie: I’m seeing elements of every Hollywood film in the past twenty years! ๐Ÿ˜€
Alex: Even Sex in the City?
Ronnie: yeah, look at those dresses ๐Ÿ˜€
Ronnie: I tell you what though…
Ronnie: crappy as this is… I’ve seen worse, and I’m intrigued as to what madness is next…
Alex: Some people need to start dying
Ronnie: definitely!
Alex: wow this is a direct rip-off
Ronnie: They must have bought a job lot of Freddy gloves
Alex: multi-hand grabbing
Alex: mmhmmm they went to an outlet store
Ronnie: ยฃ1 shop more like!
Alex: This film changing gears like every 2 minutes
Ronnie: yeah
Ronnie: Spot the booger wipe there?
Alex: I missed it, ho well
Ronnie: As the dude got arrested, MJ-man was picking his nose and wiped it on the bully guys t-shirt ๐Ÿ˜€
Ronnie: hey, it’s the bodybag scene!
Ronnie: … uh, but with some plastic sheeting instead of a bag
Ronnie: the musics gone all weird
Alex: well when you start off with Thriller, it can only go downhill
Ronnie: yeah, true…
Ronnie: Am I the only one to spot a connection between Freddy and MJ ?
Alex: Elaborate
Ronnie: Child abusers :/
Alex: Freddy never sexually abused them though
Ronnie: that’s still up for debate…
Alex: I thought we were in the “college”
Alex: whats with all the iceblocks
Ronnie: was all part of her in-class nightmare
Alex: oh please no more singing
Ronnie: it’s how they jump from horror scene to singing scene with such ease…
Alex: I guess in India, when a dream demon is hurting you physically through your subconscious, you deal with it through the gift of song.
Ronnie: Quite possibly! ๐Ÿ˜€
Alex: We’ll get it on VCD!
Alex: I thought that was an asian thing
Ronnie: They obviously like their female abuse…
Ronnie: I have NO idea…
Ronnie: What he hell
Ronnie: some weird rotating bar
Ronnie: James Bond style entrance
Ronnie: but still, I suspect, the MJ guy :/
Alex: Which would make 3 roles he has played already
Ronnie: indeed
Alex: terrible fight scene
Ronnie: AWFUL
Alex: In India, rape is a laughing matter
Alex: Lessons learned from Mahakaal
Ronnie: indeed… an exchange of customs
Ronnie: Jesus… it’s only at the half way mark! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ
Alex: yeah I am feeling the pain
Alex: nice rubber snakes
Ronnie: Some were definitely legit
Alex: yeah, but some you could the vibrations of the guy holding it off screen and shaking it
Ronnie: yeah ๐Ÿ˜€
Ronnie: they believe a lot in coincidence…
Alex: they sure do
Alex: UH OH
Ronnie: Saddam is busted
Alex: well…movie over I guess
Ronnie: Nah, I reckon he killed the original Mahakaal and has the glove, like the mother did in NoES
Ronnie: +1 to me! ๐Ÿ˜€
Alex: damn, well done
Alex: you know you’re rip-off middle eastern cinema
Alex: your^
Ronnie: indeed… elementary my dear Watson ๐Ÿ˜€
Alex: so he beat the shit out of old Freddy
Alex: and buried his ass
Ronnie: yeah, but it doesn’t explain how he got the glove…
Alex: It’s the love glove
Ronnie: Shakaal? So why’s it called Mahakaal?
Alex: It may be best not to question it
Ronnie: Probably…
Alex: whoa there’s fire and stuff
Ronnie: what’s with his gay leather jacket?
Alex: this IS a movie by BP
Ronnie: are you going all environmental on us?
Alex: This is me having my brain melted by Indian Cinema from the early 90’s
Alex: how is this not almost over
Ronnie: I’m sure there’s still a song and dance left
Alex: When all the teenagers are dead?
Alex: Ghost Dance
Ronnie: Yeah, maybe Freddy will do a dance at the end?
Alex: don’t get me excited for things that probably won’t happen
Ronnie: you just never know with this beast!
Ronnie: You can’t deny its awesomeness so far ๐Ÿ˜€
Alex: There’s certainly something I can’t deny
Ronnie: is that perm dude pregnant??
Alex: Yes.

A miniature Freddy bursting from his belly would have saved this film... but, no... nothing.

Alex: With a Krueger baby
Ronnie: bursting forth, glove first
Alex: that would blow my mind
Ronnie: sounds like Shakaal is going to take over the world!
Ronnie: MY ending to the movie would be the baby Krueger bursting from the fat dude while Shakaal does a song and dance
Alex: I could like with that
Alex: live^
Ronnie: That’s it, all problems are solved with a bottle of Scottish Johnny Walker whisky ๐Ÿ˜€
Alex: the simple, persistent truths of the universe
Ronnie: WHOA, special effects! ๐Ÿ˜€
Alex: Fog machine footage in reverse
Alex: look out, high tech
Ronnie: high-tech mullet
Ronnie: wha?!!
Alex: yeha i have no idea what is happeneing anymore
Ronnie: some sort of possession methinks…
Alex: so much so, that I lost the ability to spell
Ronnie: she looks pissed
Alex: Fight Sceneeeeeee
Ronnie: that MJ-dude is just a pain in the ASS now
Alex: yeah…much like this 2 hour and 12 minute runtime is a pain in the ass
Ronnie: yeah :/
Ronnie: only 30mins left, then we can say we’ve watched a 2hr Indian NoES rip-off
Ronnie: I want a badge at the end of this…
Alex: or some xbox achievements or something
Alex: wtf is with this disco scene
Ronnie: Indian YMCA?!
Ronnie: I feel like I’m on drugs with this movie
Alex: I’m wishing I was
Alex: it may make more sense

Y M C A! Y M C A!...

Alex: is this technically considered Bollywood?
Ronnie: I think so, yeah
Ronnie: it’s Indian and has song and dance. Thus, must be
Alex: I would mind watching one of those bananas Bollywood action movies with the hilarious wire work and stunts
Ronnie: I’ve yet to see a line of subtitles that doesn’t have letters added/missing!
Alex: the transcriber had a busted up keyboard
Alex: or he was just so pissed about having to watch and translate this movie
Ronnie: Or got bored with it…
Alex: This scene is just not needed
Ronnie: not needed what-so-ever, but it’s that very thing that makes it hilarious to me….
Ronnie: That and that it’s apparently a horror film
Alex: you sure “horror” didn’t mean “horrible”
Ronnie: one and the same
Ronnie: 20mins to go!
Alex: yayyyyyy
Ronnie: are we taking bets on how it ends? ๐Ÿ˜€
Alex: it’s gonna end the second the credits roll and i hit stop
Alex: and run away
Ronnie: ๐Ÿ˜€ aw c’mon, ya can’t say it’s not had its moments
Alex: it has
Alex: but those moments were like, 90 minutes ago
Ronnie: I’m giving it a positive rating for it’s bizarreness ๐Ÿ˜€
Ronnie: I’m definitely giving it a -1 for that pain in the arse guy
Alex: He did the Thriller thing tho
Ronnie: yeah, but then did a dozen other annoying things!
Alex: throwing potted plants at him is not woring
Ronnie: no, he’s not afraid of some begonias
Ronnie: he’s not looking impressed
Ronnie: oh, and he brought a spare glove
Ronnie: what’s with the sudden extreme gynastics?
Alex: In the dreamworld, physics don’t apply
Ronnie: I like how no one else bothers helping the chap
Alex: another great fight…:-|
Ronnie: yeah… enthralling
Ronnie: 5 mins!
Alex: The flick is ending with a game of hide and seek
Alex: I wish this movie had hid and we never seeked it out
Ronnie: I’m glad I did ๐Ÿ˜€
Ronnie: And I know you’re glad I did too ๐Ÿ˜›
Alex: I’ll be glad when they wrap up this final sequence

Indi-Freddy from Nightmare on Mullet Street

Alex: big spikes coming down on Indi-Fred
Ronnie: Oh, wait, didn’t I tell you this is only the first half of the movie? ๐Ÿ˜‰
Alex: don’t play around like that
Alex: This is from Terminator 1
Ronnie: Yep ๐Ÿ™‚
Alex: they really did steal just about everything but the music
Ronnie: oh no, they stole the music too, remember? ๐Ÿ˜€
Alex: you’re right
Alex: oh my sweet rose garden, just END movie
Ronnie: mere seconds left…
Ronnie: Done! Vinarรฒs YAAAYYYYY!!!!!
Alex: 1.5 stars
Alex: I need a drink
Ronnie: a stiff drink
Ronnie: I’m giving it, initially, a 3, but I’m lowering to 2.5 since we never did get to see those boobies ๐Ÿ™
Ronnie: (dammit)

rottenly Alex’s Rating: ★½☆☆☆

Ronnie’s Rating: ★★½☆☆

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About Ronnie

Having survived the UK's 'video nasty' (prohibition) era I'm eager to catch up with all previously unseen sleaze and filth. I revel in mixtape oddness, boobage, gore, and proper latex special effects, don't get me started on CGI... - email Ronnie
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