It was near impossible for me pick just five, and somehow I managed to stop myself from cruising the Internet and sifting through my own collection at the magical number of…8
The criteria I used for my picks was simple. Firstly, I had to actually know about or enjoy the movie’s themselves, as I will try to couple something akin to a mini-review with each poster. Also, I tried to choose the most creative and eye-popping of the bunch, and if possible, the ones that have really cool innuendo, double-images, or are just plain sick and twisted.
In no particular order.
If you haven’t yet seen Neil Marshall’s The Descent, then you need to go rent, buy, download, borrow from a buddy, or…something and see this flick. The Descent is one of the most legitimately terrifying, psychologically draining, and claustrophobic films our generation is likely to ever see, and unfortunately the poster you see above wasn’t used very much in advertising for the film. The reason? Well, it probably had something to do with some stuck up liberal cunt thinking that the fact that women are screaming and posing on a poster is somehow sexist and degrading to women. The irony of course, is that the movie is one of the strongest and best portrayals of women I’ve ever seen, in or out of the horror genre. Anyway, this one-sheet gets on my list for being very innovative, slightly sexual, and having sweet double-imagery. Oh, and the movie itself is near perfection. That never hurts.
The Beyond is one of my all time favs. Reviewed already on here by my best buddy Ronnie, who wasn’t as fanatical as I was about it, he still gave it some credit for being a cool little gore/zombie flick. This poster, to me, represents perfectly the sheer chaos the film exudes. Zombified girls getting their fucking heads blown off by grown men with a .357 magnum. People running from scary shit. Lots of screaming. Dead people. More dead people. Mega bonus points for the almost “hand drawn” feel to it, and just the sheer amount of scenes from the movie they were able to fit into one sheet a paper without actually ruining some of the best parts, which of course are the gnarly kills.
This one threw me for a total loop. Hitchcock, a man known for his thrillers and endless amount of class in dealing with sex and violence eloquently, yet this poster seems to suggest something totally different. While Rear Window still is my favorite Hitchcock film, Dial M for Murder is a damn close second. This poster seems very risky, even if we saw something like it today. I mean, the girl is obviously in peril, and not only is it clear that the shady man’s intentions are to silence that bitch permanently, he may also be looking to get some non-consensual love while he’s at it. Again folks, this is pretty dark, twisted, and edgy for Hitchcock, probably why I had never seen it before I started digging for posters for this project.
Fulci again graces my list, and this time for a film that is considered by many to be his nastiest. House by the Cemetery has a reputation for being possibly the most sadistic and grotesque of Fulci’s work, a man who has nack for combing the surreal elements of Giallo films, with the raw horsepower of lingering, graphic, and sickening violence. If you wanna see the most fucked up slit throat scene in the history of slit throat scenes, grab yourself a copy of this gore classic. The poster though, speaks to me on a very Halloween “spooky” level, and is…dare i say…very classy and simple. A little shadow play with a disfigured face up in the clouds, a full moon, a dark, twisty, kind of bent house and a graveyard with some fog. This is the kind of stuff you see if a movie theater, and immediately turn to your friend and say “Fuck yeah were seeing that when it comes out!”
Del Toro nailed two birds with one stone with his adult Gothic fairy tale Pan’s Labyrinth. He not only re-asserted himself as one of the premiere genre directors to watch out for, but also may have creating the defining piece of his entire career. I just don’t know how he will eclipse of movie that not only showed so much creativity and imagination , but had not one, but two amazing story lines to boot. (One storyline taking place inside the “Fairy-Tale” world, and the other happening in reality) This teaser poster always made me sweat in anticipation when I was waiting for this one to come out, and it’s because it’s both incredibly simple, and very creepy. That sure looks like a “Baphomet” type character to me, not someone who I would let lead a small girl into another dimension. Another movie that’s highly recommended and another poster I plan to one day have framed on a wall somewhere. Alice in Wonderland for grown ups, but really really fucking twisted.
How much blood will you shed to stay alive? Do I really need to say anything else? The movie (notice I didn’t say series, as everyone seems to have different opinions about how the series has been handled, especially going into the 5th entry in ’08) that changed how audiences viewed horror movies forever, and catapulted the “Torture Porn” sub-category into the cross-hairs of oversensitive fagots worldwide, also happened to have one of the best marketing campaigns ever. Starting with teaser posters that began floating around the Internet as early as 2001, and extending to some of the most clever “We’re showing you a lot but you have no fucking idea whats actually going on” trailers, SAW burst onto the scene and claimed it it’s own within weeks of its release theatrically. A perfect tag-line. A girl in peril without having to rely on sexuality. One of the best movies series ever.
The tag-line reads “It’s not a remake. It’s not a sequel. And it’s not based on a Japanese one.” Hatchet was a movie I had my eyes on for almost four years, before finally getting to experience it myself in 2007. Sometimes waiting for shit is a really good thing. Hatchet delivered on every promise it’s first time director made. The gore was ALL practical, NO cgi fuckery. There were ample breasts, some extremely funny humor, some great boo scares, an incredibly likable monster/slasher, and the list goes on and on. This poster sums the whole thing up too. It’s an original piece of old school American horror, and sometimes all you need is an axe with some blood on it. Run, don’t walk, to get your hands on this gem.
The poster no one ever saw. Apparently there are some stories about how much trouble this little poster got into, but I haven’ been able to put all the pieces together, and I don’t want to sit here and just make shit up, so I will instead give you my take on it. The picture itself is mostly distorted, obviously we can make out a girl in terror, and a hand outside that’s getting dangerously close to her. Anyone who has seen the film knows what scene this is from. The Tag-line here really butters my biscuit though. “The Trick was to Stay Alive.” That’s some badass shit folks. Like, if Michael Myers ever needed a one-liner, it would have to be that. The easy choice was the classic “pumpkin with a knife” poster, but this one, when I found it, spoke to me, especially with the woman in terror and then the incredible tag-line. And again, it doesn’t give away too much, just enough to put asses in seats.
For those who have never been treated to seeing the made for tv halloween special, here is, in three parts via youtube, The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t!!!!!
P.S. Told you I’d find it mom. Love ya!