Cool pumpkins bro.

The original Night of the Demons (review here by yours truly) is a cult classic from the good old 80′s that is often grabbed by horror fans in October when they are in need of some Demon possession fun.  While it is dated, and many of the gags that back in the day must have been quite cool fall flat or just look silly in 2010, it is still an atmosphere laden gem that has that unmistakable intangible that modern day horror movies seem to lack…fun.  Enter the inevitable remake which. despite a cast of either no names or B-list talent, and a release that seemed to have come from nowhere, does a great job of encapsulating the spirit of the 80′s classic and even manages to provide some legitimate tension, jolt-scares, and prosthetic gore.  It isn’t perfect a perfect translation (but then again, the original wasn’t perfect either), but after wading through the slog of Hollywood horror remakes for the better part of the last decade, I found NOTD 09′ to be a refreshing blast of sleazy, raunchy, gooey fun that has just enough tricks up its sleeve to ascend into a rare upper echelon of not only downright groovy horror remakes, but just plain fun and radical horror movies in general.

That is totally the kind of house where slutty, boozing, pot smoking 20 somethings bite the dust. Oops, spoilers.

Since NOTD 09′ (that’s my cool little shorthand name for it, deal with it) is the kind of movie that doesn’t beg for any real type of analysis or even that much explanation, I’ll keep this fairly brief.  Some entirely-too-good-looking-to-be-anyone-who-exists-in-the-real-world 20 somethings are invited by the resident creepy goth chick, Angela, to a house with a long history of bloodletting and gruesome happenings dating back 150 years.  Of course, this party is taking place on Halloween night, because if you’re going to tempt fate, go big right?  After dancing, and obligatory party shots of chicks making out and girls wearing “clothing” that is so tight and revealing you wonder if they painted them on, the party eventually gets busted up by those ASSHOLE COPS who are only around when they can kill your buzz but always seem to run off once you’re inundated with the demonic un-fucking-dead.  So after some “we need to get back into the building to find our drunk whore friend and get her home” shenanigans, demons, who are trying to possess enough people on Halloween night in order to screw up some biblical loophole business, show up and start slowly turning people and causing the ruckus that they are known to do in any horror movie they find themselves in.  Demon orgy?  Check.  Demon Sex? Check.  Demon gut munching? Check. Very creative substance/material that demons are “allergic” too? Check.  DEMON LESBIANS?  CHECKKKKKKKKKK.  Someone at the Halloween party dressed up like the Jigsaw puppet from the SAW MOVIES?  MOTHERFUCKING CHECK!!!!!!

GETTING JIGGY WITH IT!

All jokes aside, the film is pretty well acted, and it even stars the kid from Terminator 2, Edward Furlong.  Also Doira Baird and some other floozies I’ve seen in a bunch of these horror movies lately.  It isn’t quite a gorefest, but when the gore is present, it’s done quite beautifully with rubber, latex and Karo syrup.  The boo scares are very clever and well-timed to hit on the down or off beats and there are more than a few fake out scares that are teeth grinders because you’re just waiting for the shit to hit the fan.  The ending is also clever enough to gain praise and it doesn’t fall into the typical trappings of “OMG WE HAVE TO LEAVE ROOM FOR A SEQUEL” end of  movie bullshit.  Since going on any further would mean I would just start spoiling the best parts, I’ll leave you with a HEARTY recommendation and a 3.5 out of 5 star score.  If you’re a fan of the originals, this is a must.  I mentioned the demon lesbians right?

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Maybe she is born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline.

Skeleton Farm's Halloween Horrorshow

As we head in to September it’s not long until that holiday of holiday’s makes an appearance, Halloween. Skeleton Farm have already turned out a new Halloween DVD, like the shopping channels who start showing Christmas decorations in July, but not as bad.

The DVD (yes, it’s a DVD, not just a bog standard AVI mixtape) has a nice menu with several options (trailer etc.) but the mixtape its self starts with a mad doctor (it says so on his lab coat) who tries to sound scary, but just sounds creepy, in a pedo way. Speaking of mad and creepy, we get to some Alice Cooper audio with some cool zombie artwork and animation. Not only that, but within two minutes we get some jiggly boobies! Yay!

White Zombie (Boogie Man) provides the audio for the next part of the tape which is more jiggly boobs, oh and some gore clips mixed in with the video for aforementioned audio track.

I particularly liked the clip from Tales from the Crypt with the Crypt Keeper dressed as Elvis. Couldn’t resist taking a screenshot of that!

Well, there's something you don't see every day...

Next, more groovy Halloween themed audio with a video of dancing skeletons wearing fez hats. Nice! I had no idea there was a rap song about Nightmare on Elm Street which has a video starting three largely overweight men running from Freddy Krueger. Thanks (I think!) to this mixtape I now have that memory engraved in my brain…

The Monster Mash is next with a cool stop-motion video! Yay for stop-motion! The half-way mark gives us a another groovy tune with some classic 50′s animation of skeletons trying to dice up a little dog (or something like that). Next is a horribly cheesy and embarrassing music video from the 80′s, fluffy man hair and gay dance moves aplenty.

Much kudos goes to Skeleton Farm for including some Groovy Ghoulies in here too, it’s not the cartoon’s intro, but it reminded me of my Saturday morning cartoon marathons. Another reminder was just how disco Alice Cooper sounded at times. He’s Back (The Man Behind The Mask)… I remembered it as such a cool song, but the Halloween Horrorshow has reminded me that it is in fact incredibly non-rock/metal sounding. Shame… but it does have some cool shots of Jason.

The last five minutes is a gore-a-thon and ends with a clip of Vincent Price making a simple poem sound creepy as hell, as only he can.

Halloween Horrorshow is top notch stuff. It has good quality videos, groovy Halloween sounds, it’s free and even comes with free DVD covers for you to print out! Yay!

It’s the perfect background audio/video for your Halloween party 2010.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

I’d love to post a link to the torrent, but I couldn’t possibly go… http://tracker.zaerc.com/torrents-details.php?id=15138 OOPS! how did that happen?…

Midnightshowing.com Presents Alex’s Top 10 (+1) movies of 2009 (In no particular order except for the top 2!) from Alex S on Vimeo.

A fantastic slice of years gone by when TV could be relied on to give us wonderful holiday treats like this one.  Well worth a watch and perfectly suited for both adults and children.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NqgidFIHw8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDpglhIhb5M

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLtGkyNGNuw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTNrH2-q_kY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aM0ejr2PFDU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnfs7qm2KdI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tj6rqnb-K1w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNRYBpRjWJU

Ghostwatch

As you can see, they put a ton of effort into the dvd box art.

Who knew the Mexicans pumped out some horror films in the late 80′s and early 90′s?  Well, I guess it should have been obvious that they did, but up until now I can’t remember seeing many that were worth remembering or writing about, that is until I watched Grave Robbers of course.  Robbers isn’t something you necessarily write home about, but its cheesy charm, above average gore, and unintentional humor make it a descent way to lose 90 minutes.  The movie takes places somewhere near Mexico where a graveyard is the home to a victim of the Spanish Inquisition.  The victim was a devil worshiper who was killed with a gigantic axe to the chest when he was caught in the act of trying to impregnate a virgin and bring about some kind of crazy devil spawn that would probably ruin a few peoples days.  When some tomb-sackers stumble upon the catacombs hidden beneath the graveyard, they are pleasantly surprised with all the gold and jewels they find, until their greed gets the best of them and they remove the sacred axe from the Satan guy’s chest cavity.  Now, with the axe removed, Satan guy is on a quest to finish the ritual he started all those years ago after being so rudely interrupted during his initial attempt.  Part slasher film and part supernatural ga-ga “stop the guy before he undoes the world with his generic demony bad stuff”, Grave Robbers managed to keep me entertained enough to not turn it off, despite being in another alnguage and having to put up with some wonderfully poor subtitles.

Who took my Goddamn axe? FUCKKKKKK!

So we get predictable 20 something hi-jinks, with one group being tomb raiders (like Lara Croft, but without pixelated boobs) and another group of chirpy gals who are going out into the nearby woods to do some avian photography.  There is a priest, the hero cop old guy, and some other meatheads who are all lambs for the eventual slaughter, and that’s about it.  Apparently, once you’re outside of Mexico proper, all towns have a population of about 18 people, despite cars being parked everywhere in the streets.  In their defense, the acting seemed palatable, and when the translation was legible and on point, some lines of dialogue weren’t actually half bad.  But who am I kidding, we all just want to see people get cut down in their prime and a mummified disciple of El Diablo run amok before meeting his over-the-top end, right?

Good thing plastic surgery is dirt cheap in Mexico.

In that case, you’re in luck.  There are some nice scenes of gore, many people die, and right as it is about to get dreadfully boring, it wraps things up with some quick editing which spares us the arbitrary “driving to the bad guy’s hide out” scene like we don’t already know the hero will make it in time.  I have to give props though to Ruben Galindo Jr. who, despite having a name that should belong to a major league baseball pitcher, manages to actually create some snazzy little scenes out of what is so obviously a fairly modest budget.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cringe. GO AWAY! Sounds official enough for me.

If you’re in the mood to see how the Mexicans throw down some gore, or if you want to see what a supernatural slashery film is like when you combine it with some hysterical subtitles, Grave Robbers is your bag.  If you need some extra incentive, the awakened mummy guy is wearing wrestling tights in the third act during his fight scenes.  I believe my work here is done.

P.S.  This movie can be watched on Youtube for free.  Just do some searching for both the American and Spanish titles, and voila! trash on demand!

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Built tough. MEXICAN tough.

Majestic.

Tim Burton has had a rough decade.  He is under fire from both critics and fans alike for failing to hit a major cinematic home run since he gave birth to Big Fish which despite having Burton attached, still won over many as something of an “indie darling” motion picture.  Being a fan of Burton myself, I can’t quibble with those who have leveled their legitimate complaints since all of his films in the 00′s, including Big Fish, have failed to resonate with me on the level his work used to.  But to say that a handful of “meh” flicks have bludgeoned his legacy beyond recognition is more of a reflection of the poor memories of those decreeing it has.  Right before the turn on the century, and the turn of Burton’s luck, he cranked out what might be his most definitive and certainly most riveting and gimmick-less film to date.  Enter Sleepy Hollow.  A “remake” if you will of the 1921 picture bearing the same title, it is an onscreen adaptation of one of the most classic horror stories ever put to paper.  Burton’s penchant for Gothic romanticism and mature playfulness paired with his innate ability to both modernize and cherish his own unique brand of neo-classical Victorianism was, and still is, the perfect fit for such a grim and mystical tale.  With a cast that is as breathtakingly talented as it is ridiculously appropriate and a presentation that still has yet to be surpassed in it’s faithfulness to the period and atmosphere, Sleepy Hollow stands as one of best movies to indulge in around All Hollows Eve as well as one of the best examples of Burton not only as a clever niche director, but a phenomenal directing talent period.

Unmistakably Burton-esque.

The mere mention of Johnny Depp is more often enough acting cred to get most people interested in seeing a movie, but group him in with such widely recognized, and severely underrated in some circles, talent such as Christina Ricci, Miranda Richardson, Jeffrey Jones, Michael Gambon, Christopher Walken and Christopher Lee and you have a recipe for a movie with a lot of intrigue from the cast list alone.  Hell, even Casper Van Dien is in this and proves his role in Starship Troopers wasn’t a complete fluke.  To go into detail about how everyone on screen is magnificent would be almost unfair to their work and to me as one man trying to encapsulate such performances in a concise set of sentences.  Depp is however, if there was any doubt, masterful as Ichabod Crane, and Ricci is the standout lady, just by a hair, as Katrina Van Tassel.  Walken plays The Headless Horseman in scenes where they establish his back story as a Hessian and for those short moments when he is doing his thing, he is as intimidating and magical as he was in Pulp Fiction when he stole the show with one monologue.  Speaking too much about what other talent plays whom, and to what degree of great their performances are would bring me be dangerously close to spoiler territory, and since this revamped and slightly reworked version of Sleepy Hollow brings a mammoth amount of depth and conspiracy to an otherwise fairly straight forward yarn, I dare not ruin any of the twists and turns that await if this is indeed your first trip to The Hollow.

Fun Fact: Walken actually didn't need ANY make-up for his scenes.

Burton’s job directing Sleepy Hollow mus have been quite a pleasurable task by my estimation though.  Surrounded by some of the most professional and well-known actors and actresses in the business, both circa 1999 and in present day, Burton and his cohorts probably had an easy time focusing on getting the mood, tone, and atmosphere just right for a film that, at its very soul, is a period piece taking place in the autumn of 1799.  With longtime friend and brilliant musician and composer Danny Elfman at the helm of the soundscapes, Burton really managed to capture both the historical themes and architecture quite well, while still leaving room for putting his trademark style into every nook and cranny he could find without spoiling the richness and charm the period brings itself.  On a more intellectual level, there is even an undertone running through the film which presents some interesting viewpoints and debates about science vs. the supernatural.  For those who are uninterested or unimpressed with this kind of depth can take solace in knowing that it only pops up intermittently, but never the less impressively.  Getting back to what is on screen and not simply implied or inferred, the sets, lighting, the brisk and fun pace, and the score (which I believe is one of Elfman’s absolute best) all work in harmony to really bring the fusion of history and vivid imagination alive without becoming overbearingly childish or shallow.  Burton does use some of his classic tricks like angled shots and shadow/silhouette play, but he keeps his flashier side well restrained, and instead lets the locations, mood, and dynamite atmosphere do a bulk of the talking while he frames and observes it all without much visual interference.  Oh, and there is quite a copious amount of gore in this one as well, mainly be-headings with a few “surprise” kills I wouldn’t dare ruin.

How about a little steampunk with your Burton?

For those who have lost faith in Burton and possibly skipped out on his rendition of Sleepy Hollow due to his recent missteps or just never being overly thrilled with his late 80′s/early 90′s work (Batman, Beetlejuice, Nightmare before Christmas), you are seriously missing out on one of his most complete and well conceived pieces of work.  Burton and crew aren’t just sitting on their hands and relying on their laurels, reputation, and charm to win people over.  They have managed to fuse a strange sort of modernity and timely relevance to the yarn while still putting forth a picture that is phenomenally fun and can be enjoyed completely on the surface without missing out on major pieces of the puzzle.  Consider this a autumnal gem that isn’t strictly to be used around my favorite holiday, but at any time in which you feel the need for spooky tale that is handled by a crew that was, and hopefully will be again soon, utterly on top of their game.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

A Beetlejuice dress! YES!

Meet Sam.

The wait is finally over.  Trick ‘r Treat, hyped since early ’07 (and to my knowledge, even a bit before that) to the next big thing is seasonally anchored horror cinema, is an anthology horror film that takes viewers on a blissfully entertaining and brisk jaunt through Warren Valley, Ohio where Halloween is one of the busiest and most prepared for nights on the calender.  Intertwining 5 or so stories, all seen from different perspectives, Trick ‘r Treat is a mash up of some iconic horror creatures and staples, all while never breaking from its perfect pacing by having to give us narrator scenes that wrap up the last story and introduce the next.  The only indicator that a new tale has begun is if we get a EC comic book style overlay on an establishing shot that says “earlier…”  Director and writer Michael Dougherty has crafted himself a borderline masterpiece worthy of a place right next to John Carpenter’s Halloween, and Tim Burton’s Sleepy Hollow and A Nightmare Before Christmas as one the most atmospheric, jubilant, and synonymous-with-the-season movies I’ve ever had the privilege of laying my prying little eyes on.

Just think of the clean up on November 1st.

There is so much to like about Trick ‘R Treat, I find myself at a slight loss where to begin.  The flick gets off to a rollicking, with a classic, tension building stalk-and-maybe kill sequence that, in a short 5 minutes, sets the tone and pace for the 80 minutes of pure joy that follows.  The atmosphere, highlighted by wonderful work with fog, night-time lighting, and a creepy little score that shows influences, but not outright robbery, of some time tested winners like Psycho and Halloween.  Be mindful that while there are some absolutely terrific shit-your-pants jump scares, Trick ‘R Treat isn’t about, nor is it trying to be, the scariest film on the block.  Quite the contrary, it is trying and succeeds in being a celebration of the undertones and concepts that Halloween was founded on, and a exploration of how it has been bastardized today.  It is, at its core, a series of tales about respect, torwards one another and the dead and of rightful comeuppance, all coated in that notion that even though we get older, and stop believing in the spooky, supernatural, and things that go bump in the night, there is always a little flicker of doubt that lingers in the back of your brain like a piece of bubblegum stuck to your shoe.  You just never know if all those anecdotes are completely full of shit, or frighteningly based on fragments of truth that could, literally, come back to haunt you.  Dougherty and his lens are very rarely ever overly pompous or experimental, but you can truly feel as if the man is really in his element here, as if he was filming and photographing a long lost lover.  The colors just scream Halloween, with every pumpkin and shade of orange popping out at you while the sets and locations (the rock quarry in particular looks stunning) look as dreary and macabre as they allow themselves to be.  Tasteful and slick scene transitions and zero abuse of worthless establishing shots keep us hopping from story to story like a youth frolicking from house to house in search of their favorite candy.  Despite the stories overlapping in some spots or being left alone only to be wrapped up later on, Dougherty manages to keep his plot line juggling smooth and easy to understand.  There are red herrings everywhere, and some of the twists that Dougherty has come up with, both in accordance to the herrings and not, are nothing short of brilliant.  You will have at least one “I totally should of seen that coming and now I feel like a jackass” moment, if not 2 or 3.

The Michael Myers head tilt. Genius little nod to the past.

Brian Cox and Anna Paquin are the big name talent in here, and while I still am not very fond of Paquin, I have to say she does fine in her role,  but brings nothing to it a dozen other actress’s couldn’t have.  Brian Cox however, does everything in his power to steal the entire movie in his segment, and stands out as the cream of the crop in a movie full of actors who not only don’t annoy us (unless they are supposed, like that bitch Macy), but don’t disappoint either.  Besides some quality acting to help make us believe, a good fright flick also needs at least a grain of solid effect work, and without spoiling any of the surprises (any gore scenes or kills or…things I mention would be directly spoiling one of the stories, if not the whole film) the blood, creature work, and gore is all top notch and almost entirely practical.  No CGI garbage here folks, rejoice!  As you have probably guessed from the picture above, the film has thrown in some homages and references to past flicks, which include but are not limited to The Thing (the famous “You gotta be fucking kidding me” line is used to great effect), Evil Dead II (The “Hand” dilemma), and of course, the original Halloween (THE head tilt).  Rest assured though, Trick ‘R Treat doesn’t sit on its hands and hope that some nice blood, make-up, and nods to more famous films will get it through.  There is a fair amount of substance for something that is this short and moves this quickly.  To say anymore, would be to do grave injustice to those of you who haven’t seen it yet, and if you haven’t gotten the hint yet, any fan of anthology, horror, or just the holiday itself needs to see this, pronto.

One very busy child when the holiday rolls around.

After the 2+ year tease, Trick ‘R treat has finally arrived, and I hope it makes even half the impression on a larger audience that it made on me.  Obviously, movies like this have a smaller, more definitive window of when they can be sold effectively and watched, but that doesn’t make it any less of a great little flick.  It has independent blood running through its veins with an outer shell that just oozes passion-filled, high-end production values.  Iconic themes and ideas are revisited in interesting and new ways, and even some new rules and laws are implied which are sure to stick with anyone who loves having a film add a new layer of lore to the most grim of publicly celebrated holidays.  If you are looking for a more recent way to kick-off the season, you can do no better than Trick ‘R Treat.  Just don’t blow out your candles before midnight…traditions are not made to be broken.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Gotta love that turn of the century style horror box art.

Mike Mendez is one of my favorite film makers, which is a labor of love considering he has only directed 3 true horror films all by himself, and I have to keep checking back on his myspace and imdb waiting for him to pump out something new.  He was responsible for The Gravedancers, which was featured in the first “8 films to die for” horror festival that is still continuing on today.  He also directed Killers, which was a bit of an art house/experimental horror by way of tarantino-esque crime thriller.  While Gravedancers was quite a scary and tense little ghost film, and Killers was strange, surreal and interesting in its own right, his real winner, in my eyes, was a little independent horror film released in 2000 called The Convent.  Mix equal part Night of the Demons 1 and 2 (reviewed by yours truly here and here) with DEMONS, an Italian zombie and demon possession movie, and you have a good foundation for gaining appreciation for what The Convent is all about.  A rag tag bunch of college types go to a much hyped building that was once home to a all girl boarding school run by nun which was the stage for a mass murder by a former student via shotgun and fire, run into a bunch of goth kids looking to summon something from “below” in the same building, and we all benefit from watching the carnage that ensues.  I feel compelled to defend The Convent, since it is one of my all-time favorite “I could watch this at anytime, any day and enjoy it” type films.  It certainly falls into the ever fluctuating cinematic category of “so bad it’s good” or simply “bad-good” for short.  The whole movie has its tongue firmly planted in its cheek, but it is also a tribute to how enjoyable something that is extolling the virtues of a particular genre and time frame of films (teens dying thanks to supernatural happenings and the mid to late 80′s) while still having merit all of its own.  It survives on more than just its nostalgia.  There is almost…dare I say…an art to making a flick that should be (even by the own directors admission) buried and forgotten into a lower-than-cult-level gem that I, and many others on the internet who are scattered about randomly, just can’t get enough of.  That, or maybe I am just a really weird person.  I’ll let you pick which choice you like better.

Looks like someone did all the legwork for me already. Nice.

Besides saying that Convent is merely “fun” or “funny”, one of the best parts about it is how little time it wastes.  It’s like a song with a really good chorus, in fact a great chorus, that just decided to shorten up the verses to about…10-15 seconds in length.  It doesn’t make you “wait for it”, or try to build up suspense or intrigue where there is none to be had.  It is just 70 some-odd minutes (not including the credits)  of payoff after payoff which include nods to Lucio Fulci’s Zombie, and as I mentioned earlier, Night of the Demons and Umberto Bava’s DEMONS.  The humor is definitely subjective, and the impact of many of the lines will directly correlate to how many horror films you have seen and what your idea of good humor is, but even the mis-delivery of some of the more benign lines make me chuckle during every viewing.  The show stealer is certainly Megahn Perry, who gives one of the best “goth girls with all the knowledge of the spooky place the group shouldn’t be breaking into” performances in recent memory.  Closely behind her is Dickie-Boy and Saul, the fumbling, embarrassingly pathetic and pretentious summoners who, by pure accident, actually succeed in turning the abandoned boarding school into a maze of zombie demons and untimely death.  The wacky accents, mannerisms and behaviors they perform will make any outcast from high school watching this cringe with how close to home it hits, since we all either were or knew someone who was only a few good acting and improv classes away from being one of those two characters.  Often times, pointing out the weak link or links in a low-budget horror movie is about the easiest thing to do, but The Convent actually doesn’t have anyone in it who just makes you want to go grab a drink when he or she on screen.  They aren’t exactly the deepest or most empathetic cast of folks ever assembled as far as their characters go, but they don’t need to be.  It would be like watching a rap video and complaining because they are objectifying women.  They all serve there purpose admirably and more importantly fit the roles they are playing.  It’s a win-win.

Douchebags getting out of a jeep. I think we all know where this is headed.

Mendez stretches the minuscule budget to give us more bang for the buck than almost any of the major studios horror contributions this decade.  We get some great looking gore and fantastic kills, which flip-flop between homages to famous gore scenes (like the eye scene from Zombie) and original creations (like a the cheerleader face rip complete with zombie cheers and dance moves).  We also get some really throw back style glowing green eye contacts, black-light trickery, and flourescent blood that makes for great plasma splashes and squib explosions.  The directing is pretty much in observer mode, which is fine and dandy to me considering I like when a horror movie lets the action in front of us do a majority of the talking without to much in the way of distractions from flashy or overly stylish and pretentious camera work.  There are some “Evil Dead” style reverse shots, especially right when the malevolent spirits arrive for the first time, but it’s quick and all in good taste and doesn’t come off as a detriment.  The demons also have this crazy stutter step walk that they do, which can be played for laughs as well as creep factor, and works both ways depending on how you want to see it.  The soundtrack, featuring a cover of “Dreamweaver” and “You don’t own me” works well hand in hand with the intentionally cheesy and bombastic score that only strengthens the good time vibe that runs through the whole picture.  There’s a few exterior cgi scenes are laugh out loud bad, but seeing as how bad they are, I like to see them as jokes instead of budget restrictions.  The editing is quick, and almost ferocious at times, as the movie speeds by at its gloriously rapid pace.  I am a firm believer in the idea that only a handful of movies ever made should top a 90 minute run time, and The Convent has shown me that almost every horror film should run about 85 minutes, including the credits.  There’s a lot to like here, visually and aurally, if you’re a big fan of more modern takes on proven old school formulas.

Give me this over cgi any day of the week, twice on Sundays.

The Convent has drugs, stereotypes, demons, huge laughs (both intentional and unintentional), a likable cast of actors, Adrienne Barbeau (Swamp Thing, Escape from New York, The Fog), Bill Moseley (Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, House of 1000 corpses, The Devils Rejects), and ever a cameo from timeless rap artist COOLIO.  If that isn’t enough to entice you, then I am clearly out of touch with what passes for great, shameless, unabashed, old school throwback blood and guts movies.  As a sidenote, the dvd for this flick has not one, but two commentary tracks, both of which are hysterical as they basically rip their own film apart.  There is also a “gore on demand” feature which gives you a random kill scene for your viewing pleasure.  It’s like it was made just for me.  Get possessed today.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Hey Ronnie, our dates have arrived!

—————-
Now playing: Foo Fighters / Monkey Wrench
via FoxyTunes

More tricks than treats, I'm guessing.

Night of the Demons 2 is quite a handful to attempt to review.  I never would have expected to find the beginnings of the modern marriage between horror and comedy in a sequel to a movie that, while it is a cult classic, just doesn’t stand up to the test of time very well.  But as I watched it, I could clearly see moments where the writing and directing was more than just a bit ahead of it’s time.  Characters like the head nun at the Church school for troubled youths yearns for the old days when she could rap kids over the knuckles with her ruler are funny, if not easy targets.  She even goes as far to practice with her ruler in her personal quarters as if she was fencing with an invisible sparring partner.  Outside of the sometimes silly/ sometimes spot on stabs at those whose lives are solely based on their faith in the almighty sky cop, the gore gags and ever-so-slightly over the top persona’s of the aforementioned troubled youths are almost all played for laughs, with very realistic and timely underpinnings which speak volumes about what types of real-life people the characters in the film represent.  It may not be as heady as I am making it out to be to the layman (in fact, I’m sure this was all accidental…a happy accident though, as Bob Ross would say), but these small touches, which may be just as much a byproduct of the viewer as the film makers themselves, add a lot to a flick that isn’t TRYING to send a messages, but in the process of avoiding it, maybe be doing a better job than many horror films that claim to have some sort of social relevance or poignancy.  Of course, it’s got a plethora of tits (quality 90′s tits to boot, not the plastic looking things we get in horror nowadays), a deliberate but fun pace, and a final third that is filled with more practical effects than a carnival sideshow…and a lesbian demonic possession scene.

Woman of my dreams.

The tone and story of the films are set up rather quickly, and in impressively slick fashion I might add.  The first scene sees to business looking types walking up to the long fabled “Hull House” with briefcases in hand.  The initial thought for many watching will be “I wonder if someone actually owns this massive property, and these people are coming to claim it on their behalf or check the condition of the building.”  Turns out, they are door to door religious spokespeople.  Big fucking mistake coming to that house to preach your beliefs.  Angela, of course, opens the door without actually being at the door, and slides in behind them with her now-patented “glide without touching the floor” maneuver.  She offers them…wait for it…Devils’ food cake, and right as they begin to detect that something may be seriously awry in the house, she slashes them to pieces with the over sized knife she used to cut the cake, finishing it off by scraping some of the blood off the blade with her finger and licking it.  Bless her heart.  Amelia Kincade, who plays Angela just as she did in the first entry, is looking amazing in her role and appears to have even more command of her general menace that in the first volume.  I liken her in these movies to Robert Englund as Freddy in the fact that she really has become Angela for me, and does it extremely well.

And the movie has time to pay a little homage to Nosferatu? ACES!

We are then moved over to establishing our band of teenagers who will be the focus of our story, and their experiences inside the school for kids who apparently are either too good or too bad for public education.  The big “oh my no way!” casting moment is when you realize that Christine Taylor (married to Ben Stiller and featured in almost all of his recent movies in roles of various sizes) is in the movie.  She, as well as everyone else, really deserve a pat on the back for bringing their A-game to the show here.  The funny lines and comedy set-pieces are handled well above-par, and their are no performances that stand out as out of place or gut-wrenchingly bad.  If my eyes do not deceive me, there is a serious throwback 1950′s-60s vibe going on with all the characters and the way they act and are portrayed (and schoolgirl outfits and belief-centric schools are very 1950′s), so much to the point that they are picked up in a heavily modified, but obviously old-timey looking car when they are departing to Hull House for their secret “party.”  I was holding out hope that someone would say to one of the leading ladies that they had nice “gams” or say that the party sounded like a “boss” idea.  The showstopper is Jennifer Rhodes performance as “super-strict religious bitch turned demon killer extraordinaire.”  Many of you will know Jennifer Rhodes from being on just about every TV show in the last 30 years, from Charmed to Matlock, and also starring in Heathers and Slumber Party Massacre II.  Her performance is memorable in a flick already filled with some easily remembered and fun performances.  Good stuff.

Angela is pretty handy with those cutting implements.

Shifting focus away from those in front of the camera, the directing of Brian Trenchard-Smith plays out like an answer to all my issues with the original Night of the Demons (reviewed here).  The pace is amped up considerably, and the false starts that crippled my enjoyment of the first flick are kept to a bare minimum in this sequel.  The production value is much higher (a side-effect of the 6 or so years between films most likely), and the gore is not only more abundant than in the first, but of a higher grade.  Smith (who also directed some episodes of the 1980′s Missions Impossible TV show AND Leprechauns 3!) knows how to make the last 30-45 minutes of a horror film live up to the check written in the first hour or so.  We get some terrific kills, gore gags that are not only pretty gnarly to look at, but are also laugh out loud funny, and not one, but two full of fights with the “end of level boss” of this title, Angela, with the second seeing her adopt a snake-ish, Clash of the Titans Medusa like form which just about brought me to my knees in a fit of pure fan boy joy.  The music and score selections and creations are fine, but odds are nothing will bounce out at you and send you on a mp3 hunt online.  That being said, aurally, this film is anything but weak, as well as anything but a standout.  Cutting back to Smith though, his directorial style in Night of the Demons 2 can be described aptly as rewarding.  A red herring or two are carried over from the first film, which is nice for those who have watched it and remember it pretty well, and the build up, as entertaining as it is, is really demolished, in a GOOD way, by just how incredibly energetic, irreverent, and blisteringly delightful that third act is.  When was the last time a movie had…

1. An ample amount of top shelf racks sans implants and eating disorders.
2. A nun who practices fencing with her ruler as a substitute for actually being able to whack her students with it.
3. Exploding bodies, body melting, decapitations, breast that turns into arms and kill a man, lipstick capable of killing people, and other wild slayings.
4. Lesbian kissing as a method of demonic possession.
5. Water guns  and water balloons filled with holy water.
6. Disembodied demon-hand crotch-groping followed by a middle finger (see picture below).
7. Half-Snake, Half-Demoness evil lady person.
8. Door to door religious advocates being killed within 2 minutes of the movie starting.
9. Lesbian kiss…wait did I mention that already?  What about the boobs? Oh, I got both already.  Damn
10. Gore gags and blasphemy played for laughs.
11. A severed demon head in a toilet that talks and serves as a really creepy boo scare.

Yeah, I thought so.

Your moment of Zen.

Night of the Demons 2 is a gem among gems, a man among men, and everything that Night of the Demons 1 was ever so close to becoming, but for whatever reason, fell just short of.  From the word go, Smith and company do everything to make sure that the fun train doesn’t come to a halt, and just when you think the bag of tricks is running low, or the tricks themselves are getting stale, Smith propels the flick into the stars, unleashing a cavalcade of humor, violence, gore, and political incorrectness.  If it weren’t 4am when I finished watching this movie, I would have stood up and fucking applauded.  Color me satisfied.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Classy and absolutely pivotal to the plot. Don't judge me monkey.