Futuristic blood harvesting at its finest

Daybreakers is the latest movie to hit theaters that is looking to stake a claim in the vampire media frenzy that has taken over both the big and small screens.  From Twilight (I need an acid bath every time I so much as type that name) to True Blood, the bloodsucking freaks have been a big hit with audiences looking for dark, but ultimately romance driven narratives injected with some supernatural herbs and spices.  Out of this pit of shallow pandering to the adolescent and deeply delusional, Daybreakers has come forth to deliver a vampire movie with a fairly metallic set of testicles with some brains to boot.  Extracted from the minds of the The Spierig Brothers (who made one of the best and funniest zombie flicks of  the oo’s called UNDEAD, a film I should definitely review for y’all!  Or fuck it, grab it now and watch it, it’s worth it!), Daybreakers throws us into the year 2019 (inferred from that fact that in the film they refer to 2009 as being 10 years ago) where vampires have become to dominant species on planet Earth, and the few pockets of humans who are left are on the run from the vampires military who hunt them down for sustenance.  The humans aren’t the only ones who are fighting for survival however, as it is made clear early on that without blood or a blood substitute, vampires devolve into these hideous, almost zombie like bat humanoid creatures who will feast on anyone or anything that they come across.  This is where Edward Dalton (Ethan Hawke) comes into play, as he is a brilliant hematologist tasked creating a blood substitute that will eliminate the need for widespread human re-population.  Sprinkle into this mess some interesting, albeit subdued, statements about the Big Pharma culture that is currently present in the United States as well as our military industrial complex and you have a nice little self-contained flick that doesn’t require you to completely shut down your higher brain functions in order to enjoy it in full.  Not to mention, it has a pretty nifty cast too.  Did I mention Willem Dafoe is in it?

Holy shit, they are arming Willem Dafoe. GET THE FUCK DOWN, NOW!

And while I your attention squarely on Mr. Dafoe’s general creepiness (read: AWESOMENESS), let’s take a moment to expand on how the acting helps to make this ride a bit more pleasurable.  Dafoe doesn’t get nearly enough screen time for my liking (although if I had it my way, it would be a one man movie starring Willem Dafoe), but what he does with him time is captivating, especially when you come to realize he ISN’T the bad guy for once.  His character is a southern man, nicknamed Elvis, and I’ll leave it at that.  Trust me, he just about makes it worth the price of admission.  Ethan Hawk, as mentioned earlier, plays Edward Dalton, a man torn by his sympathies towards humans and his obligation to his company and boss to find a solution to the blood scarcity.  Sam Neill is Charles Bromley, the hot shit head cheese of a major corporation that service specific vampire needs.  He also happens to be Dalton’s boss and is quite the motherfucker.  The rest of the cast is relative nobodies, but I found all the performances to be pretty on target in finding a balance between playing it straight enough to make this universe believable, but not overselling it to the point where it gets melodramatic and overly weighty.  There are even moments where some fun is had, and it seems like the Spierig Brothers haven’t lost that goofy and sharp sense of humor that is so evident in UNDEAD.  One thing that seemed to compress the acting was that 93 minute length of the flick, which meant that once the film really got its proverbial engines revved and red-lined, the sprint to the finish felt a bit too fast, and some of the richness of the characters was lost in the mad dash towards the endgame.  This most likely falls into the lap of the producers, studio, and editor however, not the actors and the Spierig Brothers.

Stuff bleeds real good in this movie.

Inside that hour and a half however, the Spierigs flex the muscles only people who have seen UNDEAD know they have.  Not only do they write and direct their movies together, they are also seasoned special effects creators, both of the practical and computer generated disciplines.  Often times, they will combine prosthetic effects and CGI (like in the scene pictures above) to create fairly convincing visuals that don’t look like too phony in either direction.  That being said, this film isn’t quite the gore show that UNDEAD allowed itself to be, but let it be known that there are some downright nasty scenes in this one, and when the blood does flow, it flows liberally.  Shifting from effects to lenses, the Spierigs also craft themselves a nice looking film, complete with lots of sterile looking scenes which paint the vampires, at least initially, as a much more organized and civil spin-off of humanity.  There is a lot of white and blue lighting and tidy organization to the environments the vampires have erected and furnished for themselves over the years, as if being orderly and docile in appearance and demeanor can make up for their savagery and nearly cannibalistic impulses they need indulge in for mere survival.  The film is paced pretty well, with my major grievance being that the finale is just a bit too rapid for my liking.  Some clever camera angles and flashy shots help to round out what otherwise is a pretty straightforward and smartly captured film.  Kudos to the Spierig for finding a middle-ground between the unabashed fun they had with UNDEAD, and the undoubtedly more restrictive world of “Hollywood” film making.

And you thought cocaine was expensive.

When Daybreakers came to a close, I felt like I wanted to see more from that vision, and that is normally a good thing in my book.  The world the Spierigs have shaped for themselves in Daybreakers is a really interesting one which I wouldn’t hesitate to dive into for a second time.  Granted, the story ends in a way where enough safe assumptions could be made and the book could be shut on the plight of the vampires, but there is enough stuff going on behind the scenes that it made want to see how far the Brothers Spierig could stretch out this idea.  As it stand now though, it is a find piece of quality mainstream horror/action/thriller fare that is very deserving of having genre vets and indie hounds sink their teeth into.

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Midnightshowing.com Presents Alex’s Top 10 (+1) movies of 2009 (In no particular order except for the top 2!) from Alex S on Vimeo.

The only screencap I could give without spoiling the surprise!

Sometimes the children aren’t the only ones who get what they want for Christmas…

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOqhqpBj5GE

So, here’s my top ten films (in no particular order) that I think you should watch over Christmas.

The Thing

John Carpenters The Thing

I defy anyone to say anything bad about this film. It’s impossible. Not only is there a cracking story (trapped in the Arctic with a weird beastie eating people) but the special effects still make eyes pop. Includes the infamous chest-cave-in scene and the head-sprouting-legs scene. Fan-fuckin’-tastic!

REC

[REC]

Not the crappy US remake, but the original (with subtitles). I dare anyone to watch this in the dark and with the sound up… it will scare the pants off you. Story: mad old woman goes zombie and the building gets quarantined, locking the survivors inside. Made on a shoe-string budget, this film is a cracker, it shows what talented people can do with just a little money.

Critters 2 - The Main Course

Critters 2

This film personifies the 80′s. It’s mad, funny, gory… all the good things in life. Fluffy little alien ‘critters’ have invaded a hick town and shape-shifting alien bounty hunters are after them. Plenty of explosions ensue. If you don’t like Critters 2, or you don’t find it funny, then you might as well just shoot yourself and be done with it…

My Bloody Vanentine

My Bloody Valentine

Another film of the 80′s, highly controversial in it’s time too. Often overlooked, this is a cracking slasher flick. Poor Harry is a miner who was killed and seems to return every valentines day to wreak havoc in his sleepy little town. Apparently the (3D) remake wasn’t bad, but I haven’t seen it, so I’m referring to the original one here. Oh, and make sure you get the uncut version to get the full (gory) effect!

Master Flying Guillotine

Master Flying Guillotine

While not technically horror, as such, it is completely bonkers yet genre making. A blind man has a big hat thing on a chain that literally saws peoples heads off. Lots of other mad stuff happens but this is one of several films that shaped many of the characters in the Street Fighter video games. You need to see this film just so you can tell others about its madness!

Tokyo Gore Police

Tokyo Gore Police

Speaking of all out madness. Tokyo Gore Police (TGP) is one of my favourite films, EVAR! It has samurai-style cops, a hot chick in suspenders with a sword, a skin covered chair that pees on people and… oh good God, the list goes on. Just watch it.

Martyrs

Martyrs

This film had a lot of hype behind it, people saying it was brutal and depressing. By golly they were right. Several scenes in this film will make you sit up and take notice and sometimes I wondered if the actress really was taking a beating! The basic story is that a woman escapes from being kidnapped and befriends another girl, this other girl ends up being kidnapped and finds out what happened to the first girl. I can’t give too much away as it’s a surprise ending. Just don’t watch it if you’re already feeling a bit depressed, or have sharp objects nearby.

Hellraiser

Hellraiser

Based on the short novella, ‘Hellbound Heart’, by Clive Barker and directed by Clive Barker, this is a cracking film that was completely original in its time. Frank is a bit of a pleasure/pain freak and seeks out a box called the Lament Configuration which will open the door to a new world of pleasure. It also skins him to where he requires human blood to put skin on his bones. Literally! It has some great effects for the time and, again, shows what someone with talent can do with a little money.

Zombie Flesh Eaters

Zombie Flesh Eaters

Recently reissued in widescreen with beautiful colours, Zombie Flesh Eaters (sometimes called Zombi 2) is one of several zombie movies that started it off, obviously with Day of the Dead et al. In this film we see the usual brainless (non-zombie) folks heading for a deserted island with a mad doctor who is reanimating the dead. While it may seem like a run of the mill zombie flick, it has a nice twist ending.

Friday the 13th - Part VII

Friday the 13th – Part VII – The New Blood

This is my own personal favourite from the Friday franchise. While the story of Tina and her magic mind is a bit far fetched (as is Jason), the makeup and design of Jason is just fantastic in this film. He really does look like he’s been at the bottom of Crystal Lake for years, with clothes ripped and bones showing. Definitely the best of all ten films. Let’s just pretend Uber-Jason never happened…

You just know someone will make a zombie themed amusement park now.

For those who may have missed the internet hype machine for this flick, Zombieland is a zombie comedy (a Zombedy if you will) that mixes in some elements of the romantic comedy genre while telling the tale of a pair of polar opposite men who are doing the best they can to stay alive despite almost everyone else being undead.  Thin as it may sound, Zombieland manages to hit a fair amount of crisp, clean chords throughout its lean 88 minute run time and balances its humor, softer moments, and balls to the wall action set pieces well enough that the transitions between each never seems jarring.  Throw in a dynamite performance from one of Hollywood’s best kept secrets, none other than Woody Harrelson, and some really neat gags and gimmicks that put new spins on old mechanics of zombie cinema, and you have a flick that will have even the most cynical and jaded of genre fans cracking a smile.

I would give up a testicle to be half as cool as that man.

Zombieland’s greatest strengths come from unlikely sources, especially considering that the trailers and marketing used to promote the flick seemed to have won everyone over on first impressions alone.  The acting was the first aspect to jump out at me, quickly followed by a plot that, while without a definitive end, still managed to feel like it had a solid three act arc that moved alone at just the right pace.  Woody Harrelson is obviously the man in Zombieland, even though it’s up for debate as to whether or not he is the leading man or not.  The comedy swings back and forth from above-average to downright hysterical, but thankfully it never slips down to “Apatow, Will Ferrel and the rest of the people who have ruined comedy for the last 10 years” level.  It is relatively smart with some quick wit thrown in for good measure and it all flows very nicely, which is the core X factor to any good comedy.  The directing (handled by Ruben Fleischer in his first big mainstream directing gig) is swift and to the point.  His eye is always in the right place to catch all the action, and he doesn’t press to many buttons on the camera or fiddle with his images in post beyond adding some blood or the clever little “Rule” banners that pop in he film and pretty much explain how to survive the Zombie Apocalypse.  Across the board, all of my major concerns were really unfounded, and I was pleasantly surprised with how pleasant, professional, and refreshingly fun the whole movie felt.

Good rule dude!

For all my hemming and hawing, Zombieland has turned out, for me at least, to be one of the most enjoyable films of 2009 from top to bottom.  From the comedy, highlighted by a great cameo that doesn’t outstay it’s welcome, to the action (which could have used a touch more gore, but I understand it was not needed with the more lighthearted nature of the picture overall), to the more touching moments where the films raises a few interesting questions about humanity when it is faced with what amounts to its own extinction.  Zombieland is proof positive that big budget movies can tap into that indy spirit that drives movies like Dance of the Dead and Shaun of the Dead to become some well received cult classics with a fairly wide and timeless appeal.  Zombieland may not be the biggest and best roller-coaster in the park, but it’s the one your going to want to go on at least a few times and tell all your friends about.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Get 'em Woody.

A fantastic slice of years gone by when TV could be relied on to give us wonderful holiday treats like this one.  Well worth a watch and perfectly suited for both adults and children.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NqgidFIHw8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDpglhIhb5M

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLtGkyNGNuw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTNrH2-q_kY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aM0ejr2PFDU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnfs7qm2KdI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tj6rqnb-K1w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNRYBpRjWJU

Didn't really help me out.

Satan’s little helper is a relatively new (2004 ) film that takes place on Halloween and looks to combine its own brand of irreverence and humor while working within the vague confines of a slasher picture.  The only problem is that it jumps around from idea to idea so much that the narrative becomes so muddled and disjointed the film is barely watchable a majority of the time.  Satan (who may actually be Satan or just a ruthless serial killer in disguise) is befriended by a young naive boy who is under the impression that his addictive video game, aptly titled Satan’s Little Helper, is something of a tutorial for how he should behave on Halloween.  Instead of going down the obvious path of a troubled and properly bullied young boy who uses his new monstrous friend to exact revenge, we get an hour and a half of scenes that all seem like they are ripped out of different movies with each of them just as out of place and incomprehensible as the last.  For all its tragic flaws, the spirit of the season and moments of pleasure do rise to the surface at times, but it feels more like an accident when this happens, instead of an intentional result.

If he was a pirate for Halloween, he wouldn't have this ninja problem.

Besides the plodding, meandering pace that drags everything about Satan’s Little Helper down, the acting is probably the number one culprit when pointing the finger of blame as to why this movie is, at times, completely insufferable.  Dougie, the little kid around which the story revolves is painfully annoying, and not in that charming, youthful way that countless other movies had gotten away with.  His big sister is also way to uneven and over the top and barely serves the basic of purpose of being the “attractive girl” in the movie.  The mother of those two children is just about the only one in the movie I didn’t want to see get run over by a truck, but that was more by default than anything.  Satan (see below) doesn’t speak at all, and his mime-like moves are novel at first, but quickly become just as awkward and played out as almost everything else the movie offers up by the 45 minute mark.  From a production standpoint, the film is more than serviceable with nice lighting and video quality, but that seems like a moot point when you factor in how little it does to elevate the watch-ability of this turdburger.  It is strange at times, and delightfully so, but just making a movie to be weird isn’t enough unless it has a traditional or time-tested narrative backbone to prop it up once the gimmicks wear off.  The villain is creepy enough, but seeing as how the highlights of any good slasher-esque film should be the eventual deaths, it is shocking to find that there are only something like 2 or 3 on screen deaths, and all of them are absolutely abysmal in quality, creativity, and execution.  I’m ok with some off screen and implied slayings, but when you do finally pull the trigger on showing us a murder, it should at least be mildly impressive, even if you have to copy the idea from another flick.

Satan has a sense of humor. Too bad this movie didn't.

It’s a shame that I decided to re-watch this film before I reviewed, because that is truly 95 minutes of my life I will never get back.  I have certainly seen worse films, and I reiterate the fact that there are moments where it all comes together for Satan’s Little helper and you see what could have been, but those moments are so few and far between that most won’t get to see them because they will be switching dvds to another, better film.  It doesn’t feel amateurish, or overly self-indulgent and self-important.  It just feels like a bad film that isn’t quite bad enough to be fun on a “this is so shitty it’s genius” level and it absolutely isn’t good enough to be recommendable to anyone but the bravest souls who want to say they have seen it all when it comes to Halloween framed pictures.  There just aren’t enough tricks up Satan’s sleeve to make this a treat, and there are times where I’d rather be biting into an apple with a razor blade in it instead of  sitting through the second and third acts.  You’ve been warned.

Rating: 1 out of 5 stars

Oh, hey Jesus. Yeah I know, even you couldn't save this flick.

Ghostwatch

As you can see, they put a ton of effort into the dvd box art.

Who knew the Mexicans pumped out some horror films in the late 80′s and early 90′s?  Well, I guess it should have been obvious that they did, but up until now I can’t remember seeing many that were worth remembering or writing about, that is until I watched Grave Robbers of course.  Robbers isn’t something you necessarily write home about, but its cheesy charm, above average gore, and unintentional humor make it a descent way to lose 90 minutes.  The movie takes places somewhere near Mexico where a graveyard is the home to a victim of the Spanish Inquisition.  The victim was a devil worshiper who was killed with a gigantic axe to the chest when he was caught in the act of trying to impregnate a virgin and bring about some kind of crazy devil spawn that would probably ruin a few peoples days.  When some tomb-sackers stumble upon the catacombs hidden beneath the graveyard, they are pleasantly surprised with all the gold and jewels they find, until their greed gets the best of them and they remove the sacred axe from the Satan guy’s chest cavity.  Now, with the axe removed, Satan guy is on a quest to finish the ritual he started all those years ago after being so rudely interrupted during his initial attempt.  Part slasher film and part supernatural ga-ga “stop the guy before he undoes the world with his generic demony bad stuff”, Grave Robbers managed to keep me entertained enough to not turn it off, despite being in another alnguage and having to put up with some wonderfully poor subtitles.

Who took my Goddamn axe? FUCKKKKKK!

So we get predictable 20 something hi-jinks, with one group being tomb raiders (like Lara Croft, but without pixelated boobs) and another group of chirpy gals who are going out into the nearby woods to do some avian photography.  There is a priest, the hero cop old guy, and some other meatheads who are all lambs for the eventual slaughter, and that’s about it.  Apparently, once you’re outside of Mexico proper, all towns have a population of about 18 people, despite cars being parked everywhere in the streets.  In their defense, the acting seemed palatable, and when the translation was legible and on point, some lines of dialogue weren’t actually half bad.  But who am I kidding, we all just want to see people get cut down in their prime and a mummified disciple of El Diablo run amok before meeting his over-the-top end, right?

Good thing plastic surgery is dirt cheap in Mexico.

In that case, you’re in luck.  There are some nice scenes of gore, many people die, and right as it is about to get dreadfully boring, it wraps things up with some quick editing which spares us the arbitrary “driving to the bad guy’s hide out” scene like we don’t already know the hero will make it in time.  I have to give props though to Ruben Galindo Jr. who, despite having a name that should belong to a major league baseball pitcher, manages to actually create some snazzy little scenes out of what is so obviously a fairly modest budget.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cringe. GO AWAY! Sounds official enough for me.

If you’re in the mood to see how the Mexicans throw down some gore, or if you want to see what a supernatural slashery film is like when you combine it with some hysterical subtitles, Grave Robbers is your bag.  If you need some extra incentive, the awakened mummy guy is wearing wrestling tights in the third act during his fight scenes.  I believe my work here is done.

P.S.  This movie can be watched on Youtube for free.  Just do some searching for both the American and Spanish titles, and voila! trash on demand!

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Built tough. MEXICAN tough.

Majestic.

Tim Burton has had a rough decade.  He is under fire from both critics and fans alike for failing to hit a major cinematic home run since he gave birth to Big Fish which despite having Burton attached, still won over many as something of an “indie darling” motion picture.  Being a fan of Burton myself, I can’t quibble with those who have leveled their legitimate complaints since all of his films in the 00′s, including Big Fish, have failed to resonate with me on the level his work used to.  But to say that a handful of “meh” flicks have bludgeoned his legacy beyond recognition is more of a reflection of the poor memories of those decreeing it has.  Right before the turn on the century, and the turn of Burton’s luck, he cranked out what might be his most definitive and certainly most riveting and gimmick-less film to date.  Enter Sleepy Hollow.  A “remake” if you will of the 1921 picture bearing the same title, it is an onscreen adaptation of one of the most classic horror stories ever put to paper.  Burton’s penchant for Gothic romanticism and mature playfulness paired with his innate ability to both modernize and cherish his own unique brand of neo-classical Victorianism was, and still is, the perfect fit for such a grim and mystical tale.  With a cast that is as breathtakingly talented as it is ridiculously appropriate and a presentation that still has yet to be surpassed in it’s faithfulness to the period and atmosphere, Sleepy Hollow stands as one of best movies to indulge in around All Hollows Eve as well as one of the best examples of Burton not only as a clever niche director, but a phenomenal directing talent period.

Unmistakably Burton-esque.

The mere mention of Johnny Depp is more often enough acting cred to get most people interested in seeing a movie, but group him in with such widely recognized, and severely underrated in some circles, talent such as Christina Ricci, Miranda Richardson, Jeffrey Jones, Michael Gambon, Christopher Walken and Christopher Lee and you have a recipe for a movie with a lot of intrigue from the cast list alone.  Hell, even Casper Van Dien is in this and proves his role in Starship Troopers wasn’t a complete fluke.  To go into detail about how everyone on screen is magnificent would be almost unfair to their work and to me as one man trying to encapsulate such performances in a concise set of sentences.  Depp is however, if there was any doubt, masterful as Ichabod Crane, and Ricci is the standout lady, just by a hair, as Katrina Van Tassel.  Walken plays The Headless Horseman in scenes where they establish his back story as a Hessian and for those short moments when he is doing his thing, he is as intimidating and magical as he was in Pulp Fiction when he stole the show with one monologue.  Speaking too much about what other talent plays whom, and to what degree of great their performances are would bring me be dangerously close to spoiler territory, and since this revamped and slightly reworked version of Sleepy Hollow brings a mammoth amount of depth and conspiracy to an otherwise fairly straight forward yarn, I dare not ruin any of the twists and turns that await if this is indeed your first trip to The Hollow.

Fun Fact: Walken actually didn't need ANY make-up for his scenes.

Burton’s job directing Sleepy Hollow mus have been quite a pleasurable task by my estimation though.  Surrounded by some of the most professional and well-known actors and actresses in the business, both circa 1999 and in present day, Burton and his cohorts probably had an easy time focusing on getting the mood, tone, and atmosphere just right for a film that, at its very soul, is a period piece taking place in the autumn of 1799.  With longtime friend and brilliant musician and composer Danny Elfman at the helm of the soundscapes, Burton really managed to capture both the historical themes and architecture quite well, while still leaving room for putting his trademark style into every nook and cranny he could find without spoiling the richness and charm the period brings itself.  On a more intellectual level, there is even an undertone running through the film which presents some interesting viewpoints and debates about science vs. the supernatural.  For those who are uninterested or unimpressed with this kind of depth can take solace in knowing that it only pops up intermittently, but never the less impressively.  Getting back to what is on screen and not simply implied or inferred, the sets, lighting, the brisk and fun pace, and the score (which I believe is one of Elfman’s absolute best) all work in harmony to really bring the fusion of history and vivid imagination alive without becoming overbearingly childish or shallow.  Burton does use some of his classic tricks like angled shots and shadow/silhouette play, but he keeps his flashier side well restrained, and instead lets the locations, mood, and dynamite atmosphere do a bulk of the talking while he frames and observes it all without much visual interference.  Oh, and there is quite a copious amount of gore in this one as well, mainly be-headings with a few “surprise” kills I wouldn’t dare ruin.

How about a little steampunk with your Burton?

For those who have lost faith in Burton and possibly skipped out on his rendition of Sleepy Hollow due to his recent missteps or just never being overly thrilled with his late 80′s/early 90′s work (Batman, Beetlejuice, Nightmare before Christmas), you are seriously missing out on one of his most complete and well conceived pieces of work.  Burton and crew aren’t just sitting on their hands and relying on their laurels, reputation, and charm to win people over.  They have managed to fuse a strange sort of modernity and timely relevance to the yarn while still putting forth a picture that is phenomenally fun and can be enjoyed completely on the surface without missing out on major pieces of the puzzle.  Consider this a autumnal gem that isn’t strictly to be used around my favorite holiday, but at any time in which you feel the need for spooky tale that is handled by a crew that was, and hopefully will be again soon, utterly on top of their game.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

A Beetlejuice dress! YES!