Dans ton sommeil (aka: In Their Sleep) - 2010

Dear peoples of France-land,

Maybe it’s something to do with all the frogs legs and snails you lot eat, but can you please stop making such depressing films!

That will be all,
Ronnie

Dans ton sommeil (English title: In Their Sleep) is a French film and, after my last Frenchy film (Martyrs), I was nervous to say the least. But, there was no need, this film isn’t overly aggressive or gory. It’s just sad and depressing.

The film begins with an angst ridden teen who’s a bit pissed at his parents. Pissed enough it seems to toss himself out of the window and on to some spikes below. Cue camera zoom to his face so that we can see he’s still barely alive on the spikes. Cut and we see the mother in the hospital, but doing her rounds (coz she’s a nurse), when the Matron summons her and tells her that she nearly overdosed a patient. Obviously this nurse must have trained here in the UK. Anyway, it’s here the Matron effectively fills in the missing piece telling her that it’s been a year since the teen died. So, now we know what happened to the hormonally enraged teen.

As she’s driving home we find out that there’s been house break ins nearby and the cops tell her to keep an eye out for anything suspect. On her way home again she knocks down a stranger who’s out in the middle of the road. Now, this is what got my attention; she’s knocked the guy off his feet, is panicking, doesn’t want to touch the guy, runs back to the car to find her phone… now, correct me if I’m wrong, but surely a nurse should be right out there to help the guy, give him some basic first aid and get him comfortable at least! Anyhoo, she gets him into her car with the intention to drive him back to her place (no, there’s no sex/nudie bits! Well, apart from a bit of semi-covered bush) but a madman in a car drives beside them, shining a torch into the car! WTF?! The man she knocked down explains that he saw the burglars breaking into his parents’ house. So, he’s on the run from them.

I’m saying nothing else on the plot as there’s a few twists and turns in it which are good, yet bad.

My main complaint with the film is that it starts off OK, then it heats up a bit (which is good), then it goes all romance-like before deploying it’s twist, but even then, the twist is revealed a good bit before the end and the end end is kinda odd. The story is good, but it’s badly put together. The twist should have been shown right near the end with the end end being the current near-end. You’ll see what I mean if/when you watch it.

This is one film that would benefit from a remake where the story is re-jigged. But, on the bright side, it’s not as depressing as Martyrs… just.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

P.S. I love you guys  & gals.  Give mad props to the author of this on youtube if you dig it.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61RJGQcG_sM&feature=player_embedded

The Walking Dead (Issue 1)

On the off chance that you’ve been living under a stone, and didn’t know, The Walking Dead was originally a comic book (left) which has recently been filmed as a TV mini-series. Only episode one has been aired (as of writing) with episode two being aired shortly.

The basic story is as thus: A cop, shot in the line of duty, wakes up in hospital. He has no idea that he’s been in a coma and that the world has gone quite horribly tits-up. He leaves the hospital and stumbles around town eventually heading home to find his wife and kid missing. He’s then befriended by a survivor and his son. The stage is set for our hero to try and find his wife and kid.

Now, since this is a TV series, I assumed it’d  be dumbed down, bloodless and have no gore.

*buzzer* wrong!

I’ve only read a couple of issues of the comic book but the TV series seems like a faithful adaptation. Right from the get-go we see a rotting corpse in the hospital, a whole parking lot full of wrapped up bodies, flies everywhere, then a torso (no hips or legs) guts hanging loose in the park!

No, I'm OK, it's only a flesh wound...

So far so good!

Only thing is, it’s a bit of a slow start, but once the initial story is set up, the crying is done, it’s all systems go with our hero tooled up and on horse back.

It’s only episode one, but I’m eager to see how episode two will pan out since (of course) episode one ends on a cliffhanger.

Zombi 3 (1988) Lucio Fulci

‘Plot’: When a terrorist’s body, infected with a stolen chemical, is recovered by the US military, the corpse is cremated, unintentionally releasing the virus/bacteria into the atmosphere over a small island. Soon the infected populace mutate into flesh-hungry zombies, and a trio of soldiers on leave must team up with a group of tourists and board themselves up in an abandoned hotel as they try to fend off the agile and aggressive living dead. (from IMDb.com)

NOTE: this film has nothing (in story) to do with the Fulci classic Zombi 2 which I, Ronnie, reviewed HERE on this very site.

Alex: Important factoid

Alex: Fulci began directing this film

Alex: but he didn’t finish it

Alex: I believe Bruno Mattei finished it

Ronnie: indeed

Erin: What are some of Mattei’s other credits?

Alex: Huzzah KNOWLEDGE

Alex: I don’t know any off the top of my head

Alex: perhaps City of the living dead?

Ronnie: I believe everything he touches turns to poo

Alex: I know he is like a poor mans Fulci

Erin: they reanimated the corpse of Yul Brynner

No ,Erin, it's NOT Yul Bryner! *tut*

Alex: and his films, at best, fall under the so bad it’s enjoyable category

Alex: awww Yul Brynner

Ronnie: good to know that the Doctors back off in to a corner rather than help the patient…

Erin: we have vomit

Alex: sing me christmas songs

Ronnie: oh, now he’s the elephant man

Erin: so whatever was in that needle was bad

Alex: it was the zombie juice

Ronnie: I dunno… looked pretty good to me…

Erin: Oh crap I can see the bottom of the head

Alex: zombie on the loose

Erin: Like where someone had their hand in the head puppet

Ronnie: is the music playing at the wrong speed??

Alex: this is synth magic

Erin: It’s kinda dragging

Erin: Definitely not 70s zombie rock

Ronnie: its like a cross between 80′s synth-pop and Phantom of the Opera

Alex: we need some Fabio Frizzi synth or Goblin up in this bitch

Alex: Maybe Tangerine Dream

Erin: it’s like they have synthesized pipe organs that crows fell into and died

Ronnie: exactly!

Ronnie: wait, they had elevators back in them days???

Erin: so, is this a real sequel?

Alex: well this film has been compared to Hitchcock’s The Birds as an equal masterpiece

Ronnie: It’s another unofficial sequel

Erin: are there gonna be zombie animals?

Ronnie: Dunno… probably not

Alex: Zombi 2 was a sequel to like Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, unofficially

Alex: Italians just throw numbers on stuff

Alex: and make pasta

Ronnie: all those shootings and no blood? Not even a squib??

Erin: the van is very Back to the Future

Ronnie: oh no, the ‘end of everything’!

Alex: 7 minutes in we should probably meet out heroes by now

Ronnie: Fulci was the hero, and even he left!

Alex: the doctor just did his best Adam West impression

Erin: I think the Dr is going to become a zombie

Ronnie: It’ll go with his acting then!

Alex: bah-zing!

Ronnie: oh no! He’s dropped his case of CD’s!

Alex: His favorite Usher album was in there! NOOOOOOO

Erin: the antidote!

Ronnie: I’m trying to figure out why he had to rip his lab-coat off…

Erin: ok, now act like you’re dancing

Alex: for the ladies

Ronnie: ahh… good ol’ bribery

Erin: any proper secret lab wouldn’t be on a resort island

Alex: …or would it?

Erin: the death one compound is far more dangerous than you imagined Alex

Erin: sweeeeeet mullet on the female

Alex: death one compound was a great hardcore thrash band

Ronnie: really?

Erin: dont open the door!

Alex: no, but someone will read this and use that as a band name

Erin: that’s a different hallway than the one he went in on

Alex: totally different

Ronnie: yay!

Alex: he is going to chop off that hand!

Alex: gore! yippee

Erin: the glass cut him to spread the virus that only lives 30 seconds in air

Alex: I just thought the same thing

Ronnie: oh no! Has he wet the bed??

Alex: even if it was in the saliva on the cup

Erin: I think he died in the bed

Alex: Rosa the maid is about to get got

Alex: I think the glass was suppose to break there

Erin: nice touch though, the mess in the bed

Ronnie: didn’t even look like glass to me

Erin: zombie finger!

Alex: in the 80′s

Alex: whichever company made those white pandemic suits

Alex: must have been filthy rich

Erin: good point

Erin: wonder why he needed the knife

Alex: bury them in a mass grave

Erin: I like the step by stpe instructions

Erin: step

Alex: uh oh, we got ZOMBIE RAIN COMING

Alex: I am pumped up

Ronnie: meh, we get that all the time here

Erin: particles of undeath

Alex: Ronnie, I didn’t know you lived inside the Return of the living Dead film

Erin: shucking and jiving!!!

Ronnie: UK/zombies… same thing

Ronnie: look LP’s!

Erin: finally some zombie chow

Alex: our heroes…21 minutes in

Ronnie: the music is making him horny??

Erin: he doesn’t remember her name, but he sure as hell remembers her tits

Alex: Priorities Erin, priorities

Alex: Kurt Russel!?!?!?!?!

Erin: susan and carol are getting worked up back there

Ronnie: an eco-doubter! Yay!

Alex: Al Gore is somewhere, frowning

Ronnie: oh no, hippies

Erin: that person driving the convertible is Renee Zellwegger pre-op

Is it Renee Zell-whats-her-face? Nah, probably not...

Alex: +1 to Erin

Ronnie: +10 for observation

Erin: zomg

Alex: BIRD ATTACK

Erin: zombie birds, this is new

Ronnie: please, someone kill the radio DJ!

Alex: this movie is officially encroaching on greatness

Erin: I hope the soldiers dance and snap their fingers some more

Ronnie: indoor bird attack!

Alex: They have all banged each other just before hopping in there jeep

Erin: we better take her to the motel! not the hospital!

Ronnie: the best thing to do with the injured is to take her to a hotel?!

Alex: what is with the soft blur sunlight in every shot

Alex: the DEATH ONE hotel

Erin: Mattei got Vaseline on the lens while he was jerking off Fulci

Ronnie: they soft focus is defecto standard in those cameras, same ones they use in soft-core porn

Alex: creeper-through-the-window pov vision brought to you by Death One

Alex: Ronnie, do you have us watching zombie porn

Ronnie: DAMMIT! How did you find out??!

Erin: watch out for the cans honey

Ronnie: Just kidding… but I can get us some if you want…

Alex: please no

The highly over-reacting, bad acting, Doctor who, I may say, looks just like:

Linus Torvalds, creator of the Linux kernel.

Erin: aw, it’s a pet zombie

Ronnie: zombie grope!

Alex: I am going to download the soundtrack for this film

Alex: fucking ninja zombie!

Ronnie: aggressive zombie!

Ronnie: wait a minute… why were the zombies waiting in ambush??

Alex: pedo zomies

Ronnie: ka-BOOOOOMMMM!!!!!

Erin: it was kept there on a chain

Ronnie: ‘don’t worry’? They guys lying dying while she’s faffing about with zombies!!

Erin: if she had ever seen one of these movies she would have thrown her friend in the fire

Erin: I wanna put that doctor in a movie

Alex: I want to make an animated gif showcasing his overacting

Ronnie: either my sound is out, or there is some reeeeally bad dubbing

Alex: the dubbing is atrocious

Ronnie: all that pointing was a tad unnecessary

Alex: it was mentioned in my Fulci book

Alex: there is like page upon page of how shitty this flick is

Ronnie: I’ve seen worse…

Alex: do we have nubile youth prime for murdering?

Erin: I don’t get it. A minute ago they were in a town, and now they’re in the middle of nowhere

Erin: Where are they supposed to be?

Erin: I can’t believe the birds only bit one of them

Ronnie: they were supposed to be in some holiday spot, now they seem to be in a deserted jungle motel

Alex: Alabama I think

Erin: nope, too many shirts

Alex: oh snaps

Ronnie: The sound levels are all over the place too… I have to keep turning the sound up and down to hear their bad acting

Alex: maybe Vermont

Alex: oh I didn’t tell you Ronnie?

Ronnie: can’t be the UK, it hasn’t rained yet

Alex: I watch these movies on mute.

Erin: really?

Alex: no, but if it had subtitles I’d be considering it

Erin: but then you miss out on the fun of the dialogue

Alex: he kicked the shit out of that door

Ronnie: whats with the shredded material on the roof?

Alex: it’s true and this movie lives and dies by it’s dialogue mastery

Erin: yes, I’d like to reserve the room with the drapes coming down from the entire ceiling

Alex: skin

Erin: not just the windows for me and my drapes

Ronnie: womens under-garments?

Alex: this movie is made for me

Alex: a CRATE FULL OF GUNS

Alex: fuck yes

Ronnie: a motel that happens to have a ton of guns outside it??

Alex: it was in the basement

Ronnie: Alex, this motel MUST be in your neighbourhood

Alex: just a crate full of guns

Erin: okay everyone make sure you lean in close so you can get hit when the pustules on her face bust

Alex: alright we this house is suitable for a siege/defense scene

Ronnie: oh, I don’t know if they’ll have the budget for that

Alex: they must

Erin: what a time to try to lock down a new girlfriend

Ronnie: phone speaker below the chin??

Alex: I wouldn’t be locking down a new gf, just locking her down

Alex: : wink wink :

Erin: oh, so he’s saying what needs to be said

Ronnie: that’s enough of your kinky antics Mr. Alex!

Erin: man, the focus is getting worse

Erin: and don’t go to the gas station for water

Alex: this soft glow of everything is really bugging me out

Alex: It’s like I’m watching it through a fogged up window on a really sunny day

Alex: please kill this lady

Erin: hey zombies. here I am, and I’m helpless, hello!

Ronnie: it’s probably steam on the camera lens

Ronnie: no, really… as I remember reading the weather was ONE reason Fulci left

The whole movie has that soft-focus, steamed up look, it's a pain in the ASS!

Alex: I also have a nudity requirement in my contract Mr. Zombies so if you could pull my clothes off while eating me that would be for the best!

Erin: starting with my ugly pants

Alex: and my ridiculous high tops

Alex: best zombie foot makeup in history

Alex: those feet we GNARLY

Erin: damn, look at those zombies toenails!

Ronnie: part zombie, part werewolf

Alex: part lady gaga

Alex: that zombie looked a bit tranny

Ronnie: wet t-shirts! YAAYY!

Alex: VICTORY!

Alex: are they in a hot tub?

Ronnie: shame she squeals like a balloon

Alex: why is it bubbling

Erin: hot springs

Alex: oooooooooooh

Erin: or nuclear waste

Alex: SHE’S GOT NO LEGS

Alex: THAT WAS COOL

Ronnie: fastest zombie transformation EVER!

Erin: he must be one too now

Ronnie: more ambushing zombies!

Alex: they have tactics now

Erin: I’m still shocked by what happened to the chick

Ronnie: it would seem so

Alex: and how awesome it was?

Erin: yeah

Ronnie: nice Michael Jackson impersonation on that zombie there

Alex: was it raping a child?

Alex: did I miss that part?

Ronnie: no no, just the movements, not the reputation

Alex: oh thank goodness

Erin: kill the DJ!

Ronnie: +100 on that…

Alex: I’d buy that death scene for a dollar

Ronnie: ninja zombie!

Erin: I wish a zombie would pick up a gun!

Alex: I am surprised it hasn’t happened yet

Ronnie: how come the zombies are dying when they’re not even shot in the head??

Alex: shhhhhh

Alex: don’t ruin this for me ronnie

Ronnie: oh, sorry

Ronnie: is she still not dead yet?

Erin: results may vary

Ronnie: FFAAACCKK!!!! Not him again!

Ronnie: WHY can’t the zombies attack the DJ!

Erin: he ain’t no Stevie Wayne

Ronnie: Stevie Wonder more like

Erin: *snicker*

Erin: flying head!

Alex: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs

Alex: FLYING SEVERED ZOMBIE HEAD!

Ronnie: flying zombie head WIN!

Erin: oh wow, thirsty for blood

Alex: I’m feeling better Patricia. But I’m thirsty…for your BLOOD!

Ronnie: ‘ruuuunnn! Get awaaayyy!!’

Erin: I never heard a zombie do a one-liner before

Alex: have you ever seen Zombie Mortal Kombat like this?

Ronnie: FINISH HIM!

Erin: oh that SUCKS!

Alex: FATALITY

Erin: jump

Ronnie: This film is pretty awesomely bad

Alex: yeah it is

Alex: I am preparing to give it an unprecedented score

Erin: I can’t believe I’m still trying to follow it

Ronnie: yeah, I think you missed a bit of blusher there love…

Erin: who in the hell are these people?

Ronnie: I have NO idea…

Alex: the dudes and dudettes who found the crate of guns

Ronnie: Nice!

Alex: the “siege” house

Erin: how did the fall kill her?

Alex: that was a great jump and fall out the window

Ronnie: Shh! I said that a while back about the zombies

Alex: she hit her groin region on the way out

Alex: the 3 and 1/2 foot fall is deadly to tropical island zombies

Ronnie: she’s just concussed…

Alex: Nancy is pregnant with zombie baby

Ronnie: now THAT would be awesome!

Alex: Next week, I have the movie we outta watch

Ronnie: oh? Do tell!

Alex: it involves a scene with a pregnant lady and a zombie

Alex: and an impromptu abortion

Ronnie: I’m in!

Alex: Erin?

Erin: hmmm… maybe

Alex: I think Erin has finally blacked out

Ronnie: I think Erin has passed out…

Ronnie: snap!

Alex: Zombie Siege Time!!!!

Ronnie: Attack of the Zombie Squatters!

Ronnie: They’ll take your home!

Erin: your lattices will not save you

Erin: sweet gun

Alex: FLAMETHROWER YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Ya can't beat a good bit of flame-thrower action...

Ronnie: giant flame, but it only got two of them??!

Alex: I haven’t seen a good old fashioned flamethrower in a while

Erin: looks like a meat orgy

Ronnie: yeah, can’t go wrong with a flame thrower. Very popular in the 80′s they were

Alex: remember that meat orgy we went to Erin?

Ronnie: Why not just wait until they feast then torch the lot of them?

Ronnie: head-shot!

Alex: good exploding face

Erin: yeah, Ronnie, their friend fell down and got eaten so they could get away and they wasted the opportunity

Ronnie: another ninja!

Ronnie: Jesus Christ

Erin: nurse nancy with the knife!

Alex: this movie

Alex: is

Alex: fucking GREAT

Ronnie: Hang on, WAIT A MINUTE

Ronnie: seven shots to the chest kills him, but a stake through the throat is ok?

Alex: hold the phone ronald

Alex: because

Alex: Italy man

Alex: go with the flow of Lu-CI-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Erin: there’s so much jumping down from the ceiling I keep thinking I

Erin: I’m watching a Hong Kong movie

Ronnie: I reckon Fulci did the gore bits, the rest is what-his-face

Alex: Bruno Mattei I believe

Ronnie: yeah, him

Ronnie: so they’re trailing a zombie WITH them… bizarre

Ronnie: yeah, look up… might be more ninja zombies

Ronnie: a zombie in the roof??!!

Alex: spider zombie

Zombies hiding in the roof? Oh dear...

Ronnie: and what’s an Ihaw haw Kiosk?

Erin: lol I was wondering too

Erin: Damn, I was hoping that head would bust open

Ronnie: I was hoping for a decap there

Ronnie: why are there black vertical bars down the screen all of a sudden?

Alex: I thought this was HD

Erin: I hope we get to see the military commander get eaten

Alex: I’m counting on it

Ronnie: I demand it!

Ronnie: Disinfecting with bullets

Alex: decontamination squads? more like decapitation squad!

Erin: great propaganda

Ronnie: OK so… the only NON-zombie left in the entire town is the DJ

Alex: This is all somehow Obama’s fault

Erin: of course

Ronnie: Was he maybe born in this town?

Ronnie: WAIT!

Ronnie: It’s DJ Obama!

Alex: no WHITE MAN would ever let zombies run free in a tropical paradise such as…the unnamed one we are on

Alex: IT IS DJ OBAMA

Erin: as if we knew where Obama was born, that’s a good one

Ronnie: oh no, is he gonna pump that chicken??!!!

Erin: choke that chicken, son!

Alex: he choked a bullet

Erin: I told you the Asians were behind this

Alex: when are they not?

Ronnie: the sneaky buggers

Alex: and their cheap labor

Alex: and high quality electronics

Erin: ok guys got to go, I got a phone call

Ronnie: aww… but you’ll miss the big finale!

Alex: oh no!

Erin: I know, but I’ll post a reaction

Ronnie: That doctor puts in a fine Hitler performance

Alex: yes he does

Alex: so what are you think for our finale

Alex: big shootout, maybe an explosion

Alex: zombies the world over?

Ronnie: Virus will appear elsewhere…

Alex: yay!

Alex: you know there is a Zombi 4 and 5

Ronnie: either via the atmosphere, or an escapee

Ronnie: really?!

Ronnie: oh no!

Alex: yes sir

Alex: we should probably….

Alex: PREGNANT LADY WITH ZOMBIE

Ronnie: SWEET JESUS!

Alex: called it!

Ronnie: Zombie baby! PLEEEEEASE!

Alex: it has to happen

Ronnie: did she just shout on Kenny Rodgers?

Alex: the guys with the guns who are good

Alex: are named Kenny and Roger

Alex: which is HILARIOUS

Alex: together they are…KENNY ROGERS

Ronnie: oh the irony… Kenny Rogers save the day

Ronnie: he just punched a guy who is wearing a gas mask…

Alex: zombie baby zombie baby zombie baby??!?!?!?!?

Alex: ZOMBIE BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ronnie: attacked by a zombie baby while it’s still in the womb!

Alex: brilliant

Ronnie: Erin missed the best bit….

Alex: she really did

Alex: this movie ramped it up something fierce

Ronnie: I reckon Fulci had to be behind the zombie-baby attack

Alex: that totally seems like a Fulci thing to have happen

Alex: I concur

Ronnie: Zombi2 was awesome, and this aint bad at all. Slow starter though…

Alex: yeah Zombi 2 is one of my all-time Zombie favs

Alex: WHOA they could afford to blow up a house

Ronnie: ka BOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!

Ronnie: shame it did bugger all

Alex: underground hiding zombies!!!

Ronnie: camo-zombies!!

Alex: man these zombies are friggin’ smart

Ronnie: definitely!

Alex: did they just kinda steal a scene from Platoon?

Ronnie: I think so…

Alex: excellent

Ronnie: possibly pre-Platoon though… not sure

Alex: zombie DJ

Alex: CALLED IT

Ronnie: oh dear…

Ronnie: WHAT?!

Alex: 10 stars

Ronnie: What a pants ending!

Ronnie: -1 for the crap end

Alex: ok 9 stars

Ronnie: OK OK, I’ll be generous to it, it was fun. I’m giving it 4.5

Alex: I’m giving it a 3.5

Alex: it was silly fun

Alex: in the best way possible

Ronnie: really?

Ronnie: zombie baby, explosions…

Ronnie: although no boobs…

Alex: alright maybe a 4

Alex: you’re right, back down to 3.5

Alex: I’m holding steady at 3.5

Alex: locked in

Ronnie: You’re right, I’m being a tad harsh… 4 and not a point more

—-

Ronnie’s Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Alex’s Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Erin’s Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

—-

Trailer:

Survival of the Dead (2009)

Survival of the Dead is the latest in George A. Romero’s ‘of the Dead’ series. I’m a big zombie fan but even I have to admit that Diary of the Dead was a bit of a duffer, can Mr Romero come up trumps with Survival?

With this movie, Romero is trying to add something new to the zombie mytho yet still keep it topical and near the knuckle. Romero’s movies have always had an ulterior motive which I had never realised until I saw an interview with the great man who said the best way to understand his message is to consider the zombies a place-holder for something else. And this definitely rings true in Survival.

The story pretty much boils down to two feuding, Irish, families on Plum Island. Unfortunately Plum Island is infested with zombies which the O’Flynn family think should be eradicated on sight while the Muldoon family thinks they should be kept alive hopefully trained to live on something other than humans and eventually cured. Eventually the Muldoon family get the upper hand and the leader of the O’Flynn clan is banished off the island. Meanwhile a group of soldiers, fighting the zombie hoard, clash with O’Flynn. They help and take sides with O’Flynn and help return him to Plum Island to settle the score with Muldoon. There’s more to the plot than that, but that’s the basics.

The slow moving zombies, synonymous with Romero, are there as is the gore.

No need to loose the head about it...

The film actually starts off quite gory then get’s a bit tame in the middle, but it picks up again near the end of the film. Speaking of which… the setting of the film is a tad odd. The two feuding families are Irish, no doubt about that, but they seem to be living on some sort of wild west ranches, on Plum Island, which leads to the western style shoot out and face-off at the end of the movie. Definitely not your typical zombie setting, but it worked.

It's the new lollypop range, just in time for summer!

There’s definitely some CGI in there too (above), but thankfully it’s not too distracting, and not too much of it. But I still reckon the CGI effects could have been pulled off using latex.

The story, while seemingly lame and pointless, is definitely topical and could be an analogy for several things, most of them (in my opinion) political. One side wants to wipe the zombie race off the earth, the other side wants to effectively re-train them. What does it mean? You decide.

Survival doesn’t break any new ground, but it does further the zombie mythos by… well, I’ll let you watch it and find out. 

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Futuristic blood harvesting at its finest

Daybreakers is the latest movie to hit theaters that is looking to stake a claim in the vampire media frenzy that has taken over both the big and small screens.  From Twilight (I need an acid bath every time I so much as type that name) to True Blood, the bloodsucking freaks have been a big hit with audiences looking for dark, but ultimately romance driven narratives injected with some supernatural herbs and spices.  Out of this pit of shallow pandering to the adolescent and deeply delusional, Daybreakers has come forth to deliver a vampire movie with a fairly metallic set of testicles with some brains to boot.  Extracted from the minds of the The Spierig Brothers (who made one of the best and funniest zombie flicks of  the oo’s called UNDEAD, a film I should definitely review for y’all!  Or fuck it, grab it now and watch it, it’s worth it!), Daybreakers throws us into the year 2019 (inferred from that fact that in the film they refer to 2009 as being 10 years ago) where vampires have become to dominant species on planet Earth, and the few pockets of humans who are left are on the run from the vampires military who hunt them down for sustenance.  The humans aren’t the only ones who are fighting for survival however, as it is made clear early on that without blood or a blood substitute, vampires devolve into these hideous, almost zombie like bat humanoid creatures who will feast on anyone or anything that they come across.  This is where Edward Dalton (Ethan Hawke) comes into play, as he is a brilliant hematologist tasked creating a blood substitute that will eliminate the need for widespread human re-population.  Sprinkle into this mess some interesting, albeit subdued, statements about the Big Pharma culture that is currently present in the United States as well as our military industrial complex and you have a nice little self-contained flick that doesn’t require you to completely shut down your higher brain functions in order to enjoy it in full.  Not to mention, it has a pretty nifty cast too.  Did I mention Willem Dafoe is in it?

Holy shit, they are arming Willem Dafoe. GET THE FUCK DOWN, NOW!

And while I your attention squarely on Mr. Dafoe’s general creepiness (read: AWESOMENESS), let’s take a moment to expand on how the acting helps to make this ride a bit more pleasurable.  Dafoe doesn’t get nearly enough screen time for my liking (although if I had it my way, it would be a one man movie starring Willem Dafoe), but what he does with him time is captivating, especially when you come to realize he ISN’T the bad guy for once.  His character is a southern man, nicknamed Elvis, and I’ll leave it at that.  Trust me, he just about makes it worth the price of admission.  Ethan Hawk, as mentioned earlier, plays Edward Dalton, a man torn by his sympathies towards humans and his obligation to his company and boss to find a solution to the blood scarcity.  Sam Neill is Charles Bromley, the hot shit head cheese of a major corporation that service specific vampire needs.  He also happens to be Dalton’s boss and is quite the motherfucker.  The rest of the cast is relative nobodies, but I found all the performances to be pretty on target in finding a balance between playing it straight enough to make this universe believable, but not overselling it to the point where it gets melodramatic and overly weighty.  There are even moments where some fun is had, and it seems like the Spierig Brothers haven’t lost that goofy and sharp sense of humor that is so evident in UNDEAD.  One thing that seemed to compress the acting was that 93 minute length of the flick, which meant that once the film really got its proverbial engines revved and red-lined, the sprint to the finish felt a bit too fast, and some of the richness of the characters was lost in the mad dash towards the endgame.  This most likely falls into the lap of the producers, studio, and editor however, not the actors and the Spierig Brothers.

Stuff bleeds real good in this movie.

Inside that hour and a half however, the Spierigs flex the muscles only people who have seen UNDEAD know they have.  Not only do they write and direct their movies together, they are also seasoned special effects creators, both of the practical and computer generated disciplines.  Often times, they will combine prosthetic effects and CGI (like in the scene pictures above) to create fairly convincing visuals that don’t look like too phony in either direction.  That being said, this film isn’t quite the gore show that UNDEAD allowed itself to be, but let it be known that there are some downright nasty scenes in this one, and when the blood does flow, it flows liberally.  Shifting from effects to lenses, the Spierigs also craft themselves a nice looking film, complete with lots of sterile looking scenes which paint the vampires, at least initially, as a much more organized and civil spin-off of humanity.  There is a lot of white and blue lighting and tidy organization to the environments the vampires have erected and furnished for themselves over the years, as if being orderly and docile in appearance and demeanor can make up for their savagery and nearly cannibalistic impulses they need indulge in for mere survival.  The film is paced pretty well, with my major grievance being that the finale is just a bit too rapid for my liking.  Some clever camera angles and flashy shots help to round out what otherwise is a pretty straightforward and smartly captured film.  Kudos to the Spierig for finding a middle-ground between the unabashed fun they had with UNDEAD, and the undoubtedly more restrictive world of “Hollywood” film making.

And you thought cocaine was expensive.

When Daybreakers came to a close, I felt like I wanted to see more from that vision, and that is normally a good thing in my book.  The world the Spierigs have shaped for themselves in Daybreakers is a really interesting one which I wouldn’t hesitate to dive into for a second time.  Granted, the story ends in a way where enough safe assumptions could be made and the book could be shut on the plight of the vampires, but there is enough stuff going on behind the scenes that it made want to see how far the Brothers Spierig could stretch out this idea.  As it stand now though, it is a find piece of quality mainstream horror/action/thriller fare that is very deserving of having genre vets and indie hounds sink their teeth into.

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Midnightshowing.com Presents Alex’s Top 10 (+1) movies of 2009 (In no particular order except for the top 2!) from Alex S on Vimeo.

See prang (aka: 4bia/Phobia)

OK, so, technically I’ve reviewed these films in the wrong order. First, I reviewed Phobia 2 (don’t forget to check out my review of it) and now I’m reviewing the first one, but fear not loyal readers, there’s no connection between the two anthologies.

In its native Thailand, the movie is known as ‘See prang’, but to us Westerners it’s known as either ‘Phobia’, or ’4BIA’. No matter the name, the idea is the same; the movie is made up for four shorts all with a common theme; horror! Yay!

The first short, Happiness, is unusual in that it has no dialogue what-so-ever, all the information is conveyed through text messages sent to, and from, a girl who is alone, and bored, in her small apartment. Unable to leave due to having a broken leg which she sustained in a car accident. While the story to this one isn’t bad, it’s a bit boring since the first ten minutes is the girl sending and receiving texts with her making all sorts of happy/excited faces. Like I said though, the story aint bad, and while the end is scary, it’s a bit of a cheap shot.

Next up, Tit for Tat. This one is easily my favourite of the four. A gang of unruly youths are bullying a weak kid. They really give him a good going over and threaten to toss him from the back of their moving pick-up truck. His shirt tears and he falls from the truck. It seems he survives the ordeal, but appears to visit the gang in a last act of defiance. As they try and show him who’s boss a series of events happen and we see that the weak kid really isn’t all that weak after all. Revenge is the motto here. The story is a typical curse/revenge story, but the deaths and effects really shine in this one. There are a couple of very imaginative deaths, with good gore, and some scenes use CGI, some creatures are also CGI, but it’s all done in such a creepy way that you’re really not paying attention to the animation! Again, good ending, but don’t watch it if you’re superstitious!

Third in the series is In The Middle, which is a story about four guys out camping in the woods. One of them tells a ghost story and one of the guys promises that if he dies, he’ll haunt whoever is sleeping in the middle of the remaining three. Well, of course, there’s a white-water rafting accident and one of the quartet is missing. He eventually turns up, but doesn’t quite seem his old self. This is a funny story, and a good story too, nice twist ending to it. This story stars the same four guys who were in the last, very funny, story in Phobia 2.

And the final story is Last Fright. This one is the story of a Princess who is flying out of the country and requests the same air-crew as her last flight. The stewardess agrees and they take off. Mid-flight the stewardess brings the Princess coffee, which she spills on the stewardess scalding her arm, then comes the main meal… which the Princess refuses and wants the stewardesses meal instead. The Princess has an allergy to prawns, so the stewardess removes the prawns thinking that would be fine. Not so. As they land the Princess is whisked off to hospital where she later dies. Now the stewardess has to sit through the return flight, looking at the Princesses mummified body! This one was an OK story, good suspense, only let down by a really weak ending.

So, if I had to rate them from best to worst:

1. Tit For Tat
2. In The Middle
3. Last Fright
4. Happiness

Again, another good anthology, although if you want more bang for your buck, I reckon Phobia 2 is actually better!

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars <– if the ending for Last Fright had been better, it would have been a solid four.

Coal is the least of your worries

In keeping with the seasonal theme, here is Tales From the Crypt and the quite festive episode they produced in 1989, I believe.  Keep a close eye on the credits, as Fred Dekker (Night of the Creeps, Monster Squad) wrote this episode, and Robert Zemeckis (Cast Away, Beowulf, dozens of other big budget Hollywood movies) directed it, with a who’s who list supplying the producing like Joel Silver and Richard Donner.  Also Larry Drake, the bad guy from the Darkman movies, plays Santa! Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

On with the show, thanks to scary4you who put this on youtube!

(Chopped into three parts…)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHqyMUjOzLk

www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOgZk4ZH1LQ

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UeassKRlqE

The only screencap I could give without spoiling the surprise!

Sometimes the children aren’t the only ones who get what they want for Christmas…

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOqhqpBj5GE