Could this poster get any cooler?

I should really change the name of our site to “Alex shows you why the only movies you ever really need to see were made from about 1979 to 1989.”  That’s not true, because some great movies came out before and after that decade long window, but the more and more I dig into the movies I love that may have fallen by the wayside, the more and more I realize they all seem to be either made, or have strong ties, to that time frame.  The Wraith is another one of these rubies, and better yet, one I don’t see spoken about often or reviewed enough (or very well, for that matter) on the internet.  So what is this flick all about?  Glad you asked.

The Wraith is a new spin on the tried and true ghost/spirit revenge tale.  I’m sure we’ve all seen movies where someone is wrongfully murdered, and then a spectral version of them self comes back in order to exact vengeance on those who did him or her wrong.    What you probably haven’t seen is, what if that victim came back with a Dodge Turbo Interceptor, and used his car to kill those who “Road Pirates” who killed him and continue terrorize the small Arizona town they live in?  Sounds kind of badass right?  It totally is, and here’s why.

Suck it Knight Rider.

The first rule of making a car-centric (or Car Porn, for those of you gear-heads out there) movie, besides having some sexy looking cars to film, is that you film the cars well while they are moving.  In recent years, computer graphics, models and copious other cop out special effects have replaced elaborate pyrotechnics and stunt drivers, but The Wraith spares us that sub-video game graphic quality and non-sense for some no-bullshit car chases, races, and massive, multiple angle explosions.  Director Mike Marvin shows a lot of competence and confidence while he makes sweet cinematic love to the fleet of vehicles he has at his disposal, and every race and chase is filmed very well, even if they are a bit on the short side.  Even with short actions sequences, the movie is built around the set pieces, meaning to say that you never go more than 15 minutes or so before something is getting blown up or shot at.  Marvin still manages to let the characters be fleshed out enough to care about by meshing the action with character development, with special attention given towards Keri Johnson (the damsel in distress), Packard Walsh (played brilliantly by actor-turned-director Nick Cassavetes, director of such steaming piles of shit like John Q, The Notebook, and Alpha Dog), and Jake Kesey (played by a stunt driver in an awesome black leather suit mostly, and when he is out of the suit, it’s Charlie Sheen.)  Mike Marvin seemed hellbent on turning Nick Cassavetes into a legitimate action bad guy movie star, as he shines throughout as just a miserable bastard of a villain, but one who is pretty smart and intimidating in an unconventionally stylish and almost classy way.  The scene that pushes him over the edge, and shows Mike Marvin at his actor-driven-scene best is when Packard forces his girlfriend/”property”, Keri Johnson, to cut his hand to show that they are “Blood Lovers.”  When Marvin isn’t giving little peeks into the everyday world of the road pirates or Keri, he is making the best of the picturesque south-western scenery and really knocking the race and chase scenes out of the park with simple but highly effective camera angles that are usually filming slightly upward at the cars, in order to give that a “bigger than life” quality and a greater sense of speed and pure muscle.

Insert General Motors joke here.

Since I already bled into a critique of what you can expect from the acting, I will cheat a bit here and sum it up by saying that if you know how to take 80′s acting on the chin, and laugh a bit WITH it, instead of at it, you won’t have any problems sitting through The Wraith.  On a whole, the acting is above par from what I remembered it being the first time I saw this (which was when I was like 12, and I saw it on a Sunday afternoon on WB 11 New York or something like that) and again, the true standout is Nick Cassavetes as the absolutely insufferable and demented Packard Walsh.  Oh, and Clint Howard lends his…big hair, crazy glasses, and general geekdom to this flick as well, and Clint is always worth mentioning.  Randy Quaid has something between a cameo and a bit part as one Detective Loomis (a nod to Halloween?) and does what Randy Quaid normally does; be kinda weird and off putting and not play much of a factor in the likability of any movie in particular.

Seriously Clint, what the fuck is going on with those glasses and that hair. That doesn't "just happen" to a guy, right?

The real stars of the show, as you probably guessed by the story synopsis, are the special effects and the cars.  Now, before somebody jumps down my throat, I am not a guy car.  I know one car in the film is a Turbo Interceptor, because that’s what people called it in the movie.  There was also a Cuda.  That’s about what I know.  What I do know, is the cars we all very distinguishable, looked very cool and seemed to go really fast, and that was really all I cared about.  The races, as I mentioned earlier, are somewhat on the short sort and somewhat samey, but the fact that they usually end in explosions or some massive crash makes them much more entertaining.  The explosions are ridiculously big, the warehouse explosion and the final crash explosion in particular, but it adds to the quality of the revenge that is so deservedly being dealt out by our black clad, Spas-12 shotgun wielding, Turbo Interceptor driving hero.  The natural lighting that prevails through much of the film gives the movie a much more realistic and gritty look, like you can almost feel the sand and dirt kicking up around these four-wheeled mayhem machines.  The south west is the perfect place to film a movie based around cars and crashes, and the locale certainly glimmers here.  When we aren’t seeing the small Arizon town in the daytime, heavy blues and purples help to give the nighttime a other worldly feel, especially when The Wraith shows up.  As far as the auido department goes, the sound is spot on, and the soundtrack has some Billy Idol, Ozzy Osbourne, Robert Palmer, and Motley Crue in it when the synthy score isn’t just moseying around.

Now might be a good time to run.

The Wraith must be taken in by someone who can enjoy a fair amount of very minor flaws that come with any film that is dated beyond 20 years.  That being said, it is a highly enjoyable, very watchable (visually, it still has some impressive moments), and an impressively unique take on an age old film formula that sees the victim getting one last go at those who did him in.  The “Road Pirates” give it a bit of a modern day Mad Max feel, but The Wraith taps into more of a spacey vibe that anything.  The universe itself has rejected the death of the young, innocent, and unjustly murdered man and have sent him back to Earth with a bitchin’ all black leather racing suit, racing helmet with tinted visor, and a sweet fucking car with one mission.  Kick.  Major.  Ass.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

The art of succesful poster creation. Tell them everything, without telling them anything.

Once in a blue moon, when discussing movies with friends or cohorts, I resort to an old saying in order to do a particular film justice.  I tell them that they just need to watch the film, and that saying anything would be giving them too much information and be a spoiler to the experience.  Body Parts is definitely one of those films, and the poster and title say more than enough to entice a viewer into watching it.  For those who need it spelled out however, I will give you a super abbreviated, bare bones synopsis of the plot.

Bill Chrushank (Jeff Fahey), a criminal psychologist, loses his arm in a brutal car accident.  He undergoes experimental surgery which grants him a new, fully operable, human appendage.  Little did he know that the former owner of the arm was a vicious and psychopathic serial killer.

For the record, Fahey is up there with big Bruce Campbell for "Actors who should have blown up in popularity."

Seeing as how a plot like this doesn’t lend itself to being a typical horror movie which can bank on creature effects or scares to keep it afloat, the acting must step in to give the characters on all sides of this medical miracle tale a fair amount of depth and weight.  Jeff Fahey plays our lead Bill Chrushank, and it is through his eyes, emotions, and ordeals that we see much of the movie develop.  As stated in the caption above, I still scratch my head in total wonderment over how Fahey didn’t turn into a fairly big star during the 90′s.  He had the look, a presence and suaveness to him, and piercing eyes which give him a unique glare and seriousness.  His work in Body Parts may be his best ever, as it allows him to shine in impressive ways, both psychically and emotionally.  A young and talented Kim Delaney plays his wife Karen, and even though her role isn’t as massive as Fahey’s, she is believable and has good on screen chemistry with him making their marriage sub-plot seem all the more interesting.  Brad Dourif also comes in for a supporting role, and does what Brad Dourif always does, be the “out there” guy in the film who can add humor and psychosis while being really likable and leaving a great impression on his character and the audience.  Paul Ben-Victor also has a bit part, but it’s one that is pivotal in the early stages of film, and much like Dourif, he comes in, does his job superbly, and then steps out.  I would be remiss in I didn’t mention the soothing and credible acting of Lindsay Duncan, a fairly accomplished Scottish actress who plays Chrushanks brilliant doctor who performs the experimental surgery.

THE Brad Dourif.

Eric Red serves as both co-writer of the screenplay (this film was loosely based off a novel entitled “Choice Cuts”) and our director, and a splendid one at that.  You may know Red’s name from the recently released 100 Feet starring Famke Janssen.  Eric uses a technique that I have been noticing more and more in “horror” films, where the movie starts off somewhat bright and naturally lit, but as the character we follow gets sucked more and more into his story, we see the lightning becoming more dim, more heavily filtered with more aggressive lighting, creating something of a nightmare state in a visual sense.  Red also utilizes some slow motion, even going as far as to stop the movie entirely for one split second during the car crash in the first few minutes.  It’s really good stuff all around, stylized enough to give the film, and the director, a distinct flavor and savvy visual presentation, while not bogging it down and making it feel indulgent and overly flashy.  Red also knows how to film action, as evidenced best by the crash early on in the flick.  His lens is educated and careful, but he also knows when to infuse some “movie lover” cleverness in to make things pop or emphasize a particular event.  Again, I’m tiptoeing around here trying not to give away anything about the latter part of the film, but just trust me on this one.  You will see things in this film that aren’t in any other movie I have ever seen.

Well...it is called Body Parts. What did you expect?

The Special effects we are treated to are all of the highest caliber.  From the surgery scene, to the wicked car crash, to thbe ody parts in preservation, it is all very realistic feeling, and devoid of the laughable quality that even the best horror movies can’t help but include.  If I hadn’t made it clear before now, this is a pretty serious flick in tone, which isn’t to say that you won’t have fun viewing it.  Just don’t expect to be giggling along with it.  If I had to put it into words, the story is tidy, but ultimately grim, and the effects work certainly reflect that notion.  The car crash (I know I’m harping on this car crash a lot, but damn it is one of my favorites ever, along the one in Final Destination 2) is really brutal and not the long, drawn out spectacle that we are used to seeing today.  The blood and…body parts that are on display are also eerily well done, to the point where if I had seen them in real life, I may not be able to tell if they were fake or not (see picture above).  For the people out there who are looking for confirmation of some violence and/or gore, I can confirm that for you right now.  But as to who and how and when, that is for you to find out on your own.

Surgery is not a pretty business.

Body Parts is a film that benefits from it anonymity.  I went into it almost completely blind, and came out much better for not having any knowledge of the inner workings of it’s mechanics.  It is slightly slower than modern day, epilepsy inducing cinema, but I guarantee the last third of the film, including the “pay-off”, is masterfully done and well worth the build-up, mild confusion (which IS resolved thoroughly), and the patience one must exhibit for the first 50 minutes or so while things get underway and set up.  And that might be the highest compliment I can pay Eric Red and his cohorts.  I can honestly say that through out the movie, I was never quite sure what direction this movie might take.  It wasn’t that I was being left in the dark by shoddy film making, but the way it unfolds makes you wonder what is next, while your mind races to try and figure out how something so seemingly beneficial and miraculous could possibly go awry.  Body Parts is equal parts psychological and physical thriller, mystery, and action film, tinged ever so slightly with the backdrop of  “body horror,” and it you have patience to let this one envelop you, it may just become a sleeper hit you’ll be glad to awake.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Take two of these and call me in the morning.

—————-
Now playing: Nadja – Numb
via FoxyTunes

Gotta love that tagline.

Dellamorte Dellamore (translated to Of Death Of Love, which can then be easily jumbled around to Love of the Dead) is a title better known to most American audiences as Cemetery Man.  Regardless of which title you prefer to adopt for it however, it is a film that is widely considered by horror aficionados as the last great Italian horror film, and in particular the last standout zombie picture in the long lineage of the countries contributions to the sub genre.  While Fulci and his peers were busy pushing the limits of on screen violence and nurturing the inherit apocalyptic nature of the dead coming back to life, writer/journalist/novelist Tiziano Sclavi was hard at work on what we might call a comic book series called Dylan Dog about an investigator who looked into nightmares.  As with anything that is held in even remotely high regard in print, it was loosely adapted for the silver screen.  While that history is certainly interesting, and may even give insight into the wildly surreal and dream like qualities of Cemetery Man, it isn’t vital to enjoying and thinking critically about the movie itself.  What is of utmost importance is the ability to just go with the quite jarring and constantly morphing flow of the picture, allowing yourself and your imagination to free associate the many clues and symbols embedded within the flick, and let your mind fill in the gaps that arise from its sordid and often misconstrued storytelling methods.

Our story is, at its base, one of a cemetery keeper who has not only the nasty chore of burying the recently deceased, but keeping them under the pounds of dirt he shovels on top of them.  See, Francesco Dellamorte (an ironic name that even the character pokes fun at in the very beginning of the film) battles zombies almost nightly, and with his trusty revolver and spade, and the assistance of his near mute helper Gnagi, he keeps the tenants of Buffalora cemetery within the gates by either shooting them in the head, or driving objects through their rotting skulls.  For a horror movie, this is more than enough to justify a standard 90 minute run time, but what makes Cemetery Man  so interesting and open to interpretation is that it is a film with films inside it.  There are love stories for both of our flawed and damaged reluctant heroes (Gnagi and Frances), there is a ingeniously deceptive detective story complete with twist, and then there is the ultimate question that plagues any intellectual viewer of this movie.  Where on Earth, or outside of Earth, is this all taking place?  Before I throw down my loose theories about the messages and mysteries contained within, let me first analyze it as a piece of  horror entertainment.

This is exactly how I open my door.

Cemetery Man leans heavily on the acting of its male lead Rupert Everett, which is a good thing considering he does a magnificent job conveying the many facets of Frances without the movie or the character ever coughing up any major information as to his personal history.  Besides mentioning that he doesn’t read much and never finished high school, we are instead treated to my personal favorite of all methods for establishing a characters motives, values, and even their beliefs.  The method is simply his actions.  His movements, the way he expresses his emotions and treats those close to him, and almost every other behavior all compiles together into giving us a better understanding of Frances, and if you take the plunge and see this movie (or watch it again, which I also highly recommend) you will learn that understanding Frances may be the key to understanding the film as a whole.  Outside of our enigmatic lead, Anna Falchi also graces the screen with her unique beauty, and brings some acting and modeling credentials to the multiple characters she plays, all of whom are cryptically named as “She” only.  She may not be the best actress, and at times it seems like either she is being subtly dubbed or having a hard time speaking perfect English (she is Italian after all), but for what her characters demand, it seemed fitting that someone who is beautiful, but not in a conventional sense, would play those parts.  In particular, I noticed that her eyes and eye make up changed for each of her 3 “shes” she plays, which may denote a change in the film itself, perhaps opening another chapter every time she reappears.  Gnagi, played by François Hadji-Lazaro, also lends a great deal of depth to the set of personalities on screen, and without hardly muttering any words, and not a full sentence until the very end of the picture, manages to serve as the loyal, but sometimes useless, compatriot to Frances.  He is there with him through thick and thin, and seems to serve as a reminder to Frances that even as along as he feels, he never truly is completely alone.  The rest of the supporting cast are all good, but they get nearly as much time and dialogue as these 3 do, which means that I don’t feel the need to elaborate on their fine performances.  But trust me, they are all well beyond adequate, and in the odd case there is someone you don’t particularly like, don’t worry, they will be dead soon enough.

Frances and "She" spending some quality time in the ossuary.

Michele Soavi (who directed another one of my favorite horror flicks of all time, Stagefright), with competent acting in hand, wastes no time in unraveling his surreal and morbid vision.  The pacing of the film is incredible, surrendering the typical pseudo-tension found in most horror flicks for an off-beat but blistering tempo that is always striking you with violence, sex, dark twisted comedy, or a combination of those 3.  Soavi comes off as a fan and student of the Italian Spaghetti horror films that dominated the underground and foreign markets for much of the 80′s, while at the same time balancing the tragic and dreamy mind fuck that is the narrative.  As I mentioned earlier, it seems like there is at least two movies being told at once, with the major determining factor between the two being the night and day cycle, as well as the lighting and the soundtrack changes.  Night time looks amazingly detailed, never suffering from “I can’t see SHIT” disease that I hate with a every fiber of my being.  Soavi also employs some clever POV shots, usually from the perspective of the dead or soon to be dead person in the scene.  It is used just enough to cement it as a legitimate tool in Soavis directing arsenal, but is done with enough restraint to not come off as a simple gimmick.  If you are a fan of European architecture with a Gothic flair to it, the scenes within the cemetery and surrounding area are sure to please you.  The film really shines during the night scenes more so than the day, and it reeks of a perfect unison between director, cinematographer, and photographer, who all seemed to understand how to make scenes not only look beautifully lit and well composed, but dark, eerie, and other worldly all at the same time.  This is without a doubt one of the most visually arresting horror movies I’ve ever seen, and maybe the best to date.

One of the clever POV shots in the film.

While it is commonplace in modern cinema to have sound effects and a inappropriately loud and obnoxious soundtrack or score dominant the dialogue of a film, it wasn’t so common even up through the mid 90′s.  The sound in Cemetery Man will probably sound dated to most, but then again you can say that the sound in JAWS is dated, in which my response to both is fuck you.  Gunshots are clear and sound as if they are being shot from a gun that has been shot many times before.  The soundtrack deliberately switches many times in order to extract or set a mood for a particular scene.  The dialogue also comes off fairly clean, although it could have been more crisp, but we will chalk that up to it not being a production that was not made on an astronomically large budget.  Whatever mild sins may have been committed by the available technology in the audio department are surely made up for by the special effects and visuals ten fold.  The blood and gore is incredibly visceral and strong, and Soavi shows confidence in his splatter man when he doesn’t jerk his camera away from head shots and other grisly images.  Speaking of which, this may be the movie with the most head shots I have ever personally seen, and each one looks more dynamite than the last.  Lighting, set design, filter choices, costumes and make up are all top notch and don’t feel dated or cheesy in the slightest.  If this movie were made in America, you would be able to spot the outdated attire and social wear from a mile away, but since this movie is a European production, the clothes have much more of a timeless and classic feel.  Same goes for the locations.  Beautiful architecture really helps set the stage, and the cemetery itself seems full of wondrous little alleys and coves begging to be explored.  It looks like the kind of movie you want to jump right into just to walk around and explore it.

Goodbye Boy Scout. Send the girls back with some cookies.

Cemetery Man is, or at least was for me, an answer to many wishes when it comes to my beloved zombie sub genre.  It is fast paced,never boring and it combines trippy, almost hallucinogenic visuals with classic elements of European horror film making.  It is unapologetic in its cryptic nature, which some have unfairly dubbed as simply confusing, and it is a startling example of how to try an add depth to something that could have existing solely on its surface values.  If you consider yourself a zombie film fan, or even a horror fan in general, and you haven’t seen this, you should do so immediately.  It belongs within every conversation about horror, especially if the conversation is about classics of the 90′s, and can even be looked at (as I do below, beware though it is full of spoilers) in an analytical sense if you are so inclined to try and figure out what is really happening.  Either way, don’t let this one sit there in your “Yeah, I’ll get around to it” pile.  You’ll learn to Love the Dead.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Fuck, that is an awesome giant puppet.

BONUS THEORIES!

Now onto my theories about the actual meaning and psychology behind the film.  If you haven’t yet watched it, I suggest you do at this point.  Cemetery man at first struck me as a story of a man in purgatory or hell, who is meant to learn about the differences between life and death (see his short talk with the death stature towards the end of the film for confirmation of this) or maybe even life itself while he himself rots in a cemetery where he must “re-kill” the undead.  The “She” character could easily be seen as the Devil, as every time she pops up, Frances sets himself back further from learning anything from his mistakes as he takes the bait on her “love” and pays dearly for it every time.  Outside of a religious context to the tale, there is also the possibility that Frances has a very vivid imagination, and that isolation, besides his friend Gnagi who could ALSO be seen as just an elaborate hallucination, has started to play tricks on his mind to the point where he truly believes the dead rise up from the ground and that it is his job to put down the “Returners” as he so eloquently puts it.  There is also the possibility that whenever night time comes along, what happens during the dark is a dream, and maybe he sleepwalks and acts out his dreams.  Of course, these are all just theories, each one having massive holes in them, and would welcome anyone to help me formulate an airtight meaning to this very cryptic gem I love so dearly and hold close to my horror loving heart.

END OF BULLSHIT THEORIES!

The Devil? Perhaps.

—————-
Now playing: Nadja – Clinging To The Edge Of The Sky
via FoxyTunes

The upside is, zombies are probably cheap dates and they can't say no.

Night of the Creeps (or just Creeps for short) straddles the line between what I feel is too popular to review, and what is under the radar enough to write about.  If you haven’t noticed, I rarely write anything about movies that already have established a strong set of fair and thorough reviews online.  Creeps however, has seen a boom in popularity and visibility in the Internet era, mostly due to the fact that it has yet to be released on DVD so many turn to the web for info and access to rare cinema.  But thanks to endless efforts of the piracy generation, Creeps remains watchable in many places on the web, which is very fortunate considering that this movie is easily, and beyond any shadow of a doubt, one of the best movies not only of 80′s, but of the entire genre as a whole.

Fred Dekker, who both wrote and directed this gem, seamlessly combines unbridled appreciation for the genre as well as mixing in elements that “spoof” the many trends he saw being beaten to death by the explosion of horror clones and cliches that erupted during the 80′s.  In modern times, spoof has become a dirty word (thanks for ruining the lineage, Scary Movie), but Dekker shows that poking fun at something doesn’t mean you can’t, yourself, make a great movie full of heart and homages to the icons of the very film community you are lampooning.  This is nowhere more obvious than in the names of many of the characters in the film, which range from Cynthia Cronenberg,  Christopher Romero, to Detective Sergeant Raimi.

Oh geese, if Roger Corman did ever open a school, it would no doubt be along the Devil's Highway. One of many inside jokes to be found in Night of the Creeps.

Speaking of the characters, these may be some of the best, and funniest, of the horror class.  Dekker has balanced the two accepted methods of character development, the first of which being back story and character to character exposition.  The second, and the more difficult to pull off, is letting the characters actions and behaviors define and legitimize them.  Of course, without good acting, this is nigh impossible.  Genre vet Tom Atkins shows up as the haunted and disgruntled cop and does a great job at adding levity and back story to the nameless college town.  Much credit must also be given to Jason Lively, Steve Marshall, and Jill Whitlow, who turn what could have easily been flat, two dimensional college kids trying to find themselves into likable, mature, and often deep on-screen persona’s who help to drive home both the surface action and events, and the messages that Dekker has implanted within his wildly efficient script.  The rest of the cast does a wonderful job of bringing to life the more stereotypical characters, with the two noteworthy bit parts being played by David Paymer and Dick Miller.  It’s rare that good to great acting and rapid fire, natural feeling dialogue come together in something as unsuspecting as a “horror movie”, but Creeps is proof positive that movie class limitations are never all enclusive, and that exceptions exist and can still hold up to its past contemporaries, as well as its modern day ones.

I was going to make a Walt Disney joke here, but the movie actually does that in this scene. Gotta love the 80's idea of futuristic science and labs, which seem to be purple or blue lighting, and many buttons blinking arbitrarily.

Dekker, in his first voyage behind the camera, makes amazing use of every bit of his ephemeral 1 hour and 28 minute run time.  Creeps never gives you a second to become bored, and Dekker manages to cram a ghost story, a slasher story, a love story, a coming of age story, a friendship story, a parasite alien story, and a zombie story into one movie without losing sight of any of the many strands of narrative he has weaved.   Normally, when a movie tries to do this much, it winds up finding itself lost trying to fuse together too many different types of pacing and thematic motifs.  Dekker however, seems to have viewed this as little more than an old wives tale, as he masterfully throws together all the major brands of genre film into one pot, deriving the best that each has to offer, while keeping some of the charming flaws intact in order to either use them for a comedy piece, or just as a humble and loving tribute to the flicks that he himself must have been very fond of.  Dekker’s directing comes off as a delicate mid-point between being both a fan of the groundbreaking and popular films and filmmakers that came before him, as well as being a student of what made those pictures so legendary and appealing to both himself and the masses.  Lighting and pacing are of the highest order, and Dekker never falls victim to bad nighttime shooting or lingering on scenes or shots that just don’t require that much focus.  His lens is mainly an observer, but there are moments when he uses a bit of flash to put emphasis on a particular scene.  Dekker also shows great understanding on how to shoot an action sequence, of which Creeps has a few, and he also knows how to built up to and deliver a satisfying payoff to his audience without leaving them feeling cheated in the slightest.  I could go on and on about how Dekker really  knocked this one out of the park, but I will instead just say that he indeed did shoot a great looking film that has no glaring flaws and moves like a speeding train.

Thrill me.

The technical package from Creeps is nothing short of sublime.  The already mentioned lightning is superb, but alongside this are some dynamite effects and tight audio.  The soundtrack doesn’t really stand out, besides clever use of some 50′s pop standards like “Smoke Gets in your Eye” to set the mood in the beginning and also forewarn of more danger during the final few scenes.  I am fine with the fact it doesn’t stand out, since the dialogue is so snappy, witty, and razor sharp that it would be a shame for music to overshadow that strength.  Visually, the picture is very crisp and clean, obviously aided by Dekker’s careful eye in framing and presenting shots that show the audience in crystal clarity everything you need to see.  The blood, gore, and special effects are entirely of the practical variety, meaning those of us who love rubber, latex, and Karo syrup can rejoice.  Thankfully, the R Rating means that exploding heads, heads blown up by flamethrowers (has to be seen to be believed), grisly bullet hits and like are all unhampered by the crutch of modern day computing technology and other such bullshit, cop-out wankery.  Creeps looks spotless, boasts some awesome special effects that don’t shy away from the more hardcore gore, and music knthat ows when to move to the forefront, and when to stay in the back and subtly do its job.

So...is that what a splitting headache looks like? I know, that joke sucked. I'll be over here in the corner, killing myself.

Night of the Creeps may have a devoud, cult-like following, but I feel if even one more person read this review and hunts it down and watches it, then it is a success.  Dekker and company have crafted film(s) within films here, with clever jokes hidden throughout (see if you can spot the Monster Squad reference and always look at posters and books in the main characters living spaces) and a breakneck pace that is always busy assaulting the viewer with something worth paying attention too.  It manages to coral many subplots and thematic devices, while telling two main stories (The “two geeks” story and the detectives story), each so good and thorough they could have been separate movies.  The acting seems otherworldly it’s so good, and the special effects and visuals all feel as comforting as the cool side of the pillow, striking a balance between campy and homely, and professional and impressive.  Night of the Creeps is something of an enigma, a missing link, and if nothing else, a silent legend in the annals of our beloved genre.  If you have yet to experience what all the hub-bub is about, it is about fucking time.  If you didn’t know what Night of the Creeps was until now, consider yourself enlightened.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Here are 2 links to watch the movie for free, in its entirety.  Both links tested and confirmed working, Veoh requires you sit through a short ad, and Youtube is broken into parts, but they both work!

Youtube

Veoh

P.S.  There are two endings to this film, I have included the Wikipedia page and a fan based page that explains the differences.  Both are good, although the original, longer ending that Dekker wanted to use is definitely better.  Worth a read only after you see the film, as it does contain some spoilers.

Night of the Creeps Wikipedia Page

Night of the Creeps Alternate Ending Synopsis and pictures.

Awful box art. I never dug the split face thing, and this makes it seem as if Hamill is the Guyver, which he is not.

The Guyver was one of my first introductions to B grade sci-fi when I was a little tyke.  Back in the days of HBO and its kind, weird and out of the way movies were often played either late at night or early in the morning, and it was there where I first laid eyes upon this manga derived creature feature.

For those unfamiliar with the basics of The Guyver universe, the story is primarily centered around a bio-mechanical suit of armor, The Guyver, that has the ability to fuse with and be stored inside it’s heroic host when not in use.  The cyborg like suit gives its user all the standard bonuses we sci-fi fans are used to, including increased speed, strength, and jumping ability as well as some nifty blades that protrude from the elbow of the suit and are retractable.  The suits origin is alien, as is the entire human race.  We were put here by aliens in order to create the ultimate organic weapon, Mankind.  There are also some Zoanoids, which are the bad aliens who are after The Guyver unit in order to use its power to do evil stuff.  That is about as deep as I’m willing to go as there really isn’t much more to the plot than that.

Probably the most credible actor in this flick.

The acting in the Guyver is on the level of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon episode.  Michael Berryman, of the original The Hills Have Eyes fame, does his best to bring all his natural spookiness to his character, and right behind him is David Gale, whose claim to fame within the horror genre would be his mostly bodiless work in Re-Animator.  Speaking of the Re-Animator connection, Jeffrey Combs also gets a bit part towards the finale of The Guyver, playing Dr. East, undoubtedly a inside joke and reference to his breakthrough role as Dr. Herbert West.  Brian Yuzna is producer here, as he was on Re-Animator, so it’s no surprise he got his old pals to come along for the ride.  Mark Hamill is also in this, although his role is much smaller than the box art indicates.  He is the cop/investigator guy who gets wrapped up in this whole space armor deal, and seems confused as to what kind of film he is actually in.  At certain points he seem relatively playful in his approach, suiting the mood of the movie, and at other times he is visibilty trying too hard to act the shit out of his role.  His uneven performance can’t match the pure suffering and terror that is Vivian Wu however.  She is so annoying and useless that I had to fast forward through some of the scenes where she got more than 2 full sentences to say in succession.  Jack Armstrong as The Guyver/Sean Barker is tolerable, but ultimately insignificant considering the second half of the movie it’s just his voice we hear while a stuntman kicks ass in the armor.  Linnea Quigley also shows up for about 2 seconds, she screams and looks good in tight clothing, which is actually a great way to sum up her career as a Scream Queen.

Linnea Quigley also has a cameo, and true to her moniker of Scream Queen, she pretty much only screams and looks good.

So the acting really doesn’t do the film any favors, as it is more fun to see who pops up in this film, than it is to actually watch any of them act.  Sadly, the directing doesn’t quite make up for it.  Screaming Mad George is behind the lens for this one, someone who is best known for being the mastermind behind some of the effects for the sci-fi mega hit Predator.  But while every monster and special effect I have seen from him I have absolutely loved (he is big into robotics, stop-motion animation, practical and prosthetic effects, and even some clay work) his directing leaves much to be desired.  George doesn’t try to do anything special or fancy, with the exception being the comic book like screen slices where the next scene cuts the previous seen in half diagonally like a sword for a transition.  Instead, his direction feels very pedestrian, going beyond simply observing what is going on, to the point where the camera just feels kind of boring.  Usually, I favor this approach to the shaky cam of today, or the overuse of filters and screen effects that can all to often destroy a scene, but The Guyver, and its history of stylized, edgey mangas, seemed to beg for a more interesting visual take.  Maybe the budget had something to do with it, or maybe Yuzna got his hands in there  too much, but for wahetver reason, The Guyver falls flat a few times too many to be constantly and thoroughly exciting.  And just for arguments sake, if this ever gets remade or rebooted, I place my vote for either Takeshi Miike or Ryûhei Kitamura to get the job as director.

"Why yes, I am the completely creepy big bad guy. What gave me away? Was it my pedophile smile?"

By now, you may be wondering why you should waste any of your precious time watching this flick.  And I gotta say, if it were not for the special effects, this may have been a complete wash.  Screaming Mad George makes up for his directing sins by putting together some of the best rubber suits and robotics I have seen.  The Guyver armor itself is emaculate, full of moving parts while still being form fitting to whomever was in it at the time.  It has that “you can almost feel it and you could reach out and touch it” quality to it that modern movies just can’t muster as long as they hobble along with the crutch that is computer graphics.  Besides the amazing job on our hero, the bad guys get it just as good, with each Zoanoid getting a personalized and very distinct look in their monster form.  There are even furry monster boobs.  Ever creature design also feels original, and personal to each character, meaning their monster form matches, to an extent, what they look like in human form, along with their personality.  The afforementioned directing gets it right on this one aspect, showing the monsters in full view and allowing them to be very active when fighting, showing the suits are not just for show but actually made to be flexible enough to fight in and move around in fluidly.  The creature design is so good, it validates the whole picture.

I couldn't talk about how good the costumes are and not show you one!

The Guyver is certainly a case of personal nostalgia shining down its radiant glow on a movie memory of mine and making it seem brighter.  The Guyver isn’t a worthless film, it just isn’t a terrifically good one.  There is an incredible amount of depth to be explored in its universe, and this film barely scratches the surface of  the psycholigcal and biological relationships that a regular human would have with such unprecedented alien equipment.  Not to mention, the untapped potential of the human race finding out it was created by aliens in an attempt to create the ultimate organic warmachine.  I don’t expect some deep thinking mans sci-fi tale, but The Guyver I remembered from when I was young was better than this.  For cheesy sci-fi completists and Yuzna and company fans, this is a must just to see the special effects and cult actors as work.  Outside of those camps, it is a tough sell.

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

He needs a catchphrase.