Johnny Rocket has a very interesting secret.

To spout on anymore about the details of the story would be unwise on my part, but what I can elaborate on is something that jumped out at me from the very start, which is the cinematography and the directing.  One of my main gripes will the population of Middle of the Road-ville, IndieFilmLand (that place really doesn’t exist, ‘cept for in my head) is that there is usually too much focus on trying to be shocking, or genre-hopping, or outlandish and not enough focus on making whatever kind of film they are making look its absolute best despite what the budget constraints may be.  If I, and I think this statement goes for many of the viewing public out there, can see a modicum of professionalism in the quality of the image, and to a slightly lesser extent, the quality of the audio, then the likelihood of me sitting through the entire thing is much, much better.  No Right Turn seems to be in line with me in that mindset, since not only does it look pretty sleek and slick, there are some outdoor scenes (the opening bathtub scene and any scene involving that bathtub, and the outdoor snow sequences) that are just really breathtaking in their simplicity and beauty.  I commend, above all other praise, the work of David Noel Bourke and his crew in giving this flick that extra coat of polish that makes it easier to enjoy the interactions on screen.

The shots of the bathtub and its unique surrounding area are some of the films best scenes.

Bourke keeps the pace of the film fairly methodical, but it never dips into the realm of yawn land or feeling disproportionately dragged out in order to pad time.  Whether or not you dig the pace is a matter of opinion, but I was impressed with the fact the film always seemed to know where it was going, and didn’t venture off into a web of subplots or bombard us with scenes that, while cool, don’tt really have any genuine purpose.  The acting, which is the ultimate compliment to any director’s vision, is lead by Sira Stampe (Monella) and Laura Bach (Nina) who really helped to keep me involved in the story and add some complexity and palpable emotion to the piece.  Tthe rest of the cast also does a really great job pinning down the mainline traits of their respective persona’s and driving those into their performance with fervor, most of the time for better, and occasionally for the worse.

Gotta be more careful when chopping those veggies.

No Right Turn was one of the tougher reviews I have donet.  It is a bit outside my personal comfort range, but I’m glad to have the experience of seeing it a bit early (thanks to director David Noel Bourke) and being able to share my thoughts on it.  It’s certainly is a pulpy, noir-y, and even fantastical tale, but I suspect that during my viewing I might have missed some of the messages, especially when it came to the very final few shots.  There is a lot of confidence throughout No Right Turn, and a certain bit of “cool” that flows through its veins which helps to define it.  At the same time though, I felt myself wishing there was a bit more in the last act, but since the flick put a premium on its quiet, calculating pace, maybe a big to-do wouldn’t have served the first two acts quite as well.  Regardless of my qualms thought, No Right Turn is still one of the best Indie offerings of 2009.

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Even the print is blue

I didn’t know when I started my foray into horror writing three months ago that I would be going through my own lifetime wish list of movies to watch, but here I am again. I’m not the most technologically advanced of humans, so it took me until this year to get a copy of Cocksucker Blues. I heard about this movie ten years ago, when I was at the height of my Stones fandom, but of course couldn’t find a copy.

Now, I was excited when I watched Gimme Shelter the same year I first heard of Cocksucker Blues, so excited I watched it all by myself, at my trailer in the flatwoods 30 minutes from town then I called up my best friend, said, “you have to come out here right now and watch this movie.” So he did, and a religious experience was had.

That gives you some idea of what I have, as Ferris Bueller said about Cameron losing his virginity, built up in my mind as the be all end all of human existence. If I liked Gimme Shelter, surely I would love love love Cocksucker Blues. I mean, it is banned to this day, except for the filmmaker’s allowed yearly screening. This was supposed to be the sacred relic of sleaze! Especially the fabled groupie/roadie gangbang on an airplane, a flying airplane I believe, although no one on the plane as it turns out would have noticed if they had boarded them all on in New York, shut the door, opened it, told them they were in LA, and put them out. The twist to this scene was to be the Stones playing musical accompaniment. Well, there’s Mick with some kind of maraca deal and some guy playing a tambourine while a couple of two-pump chumps get it on with two girls for less than two minutes. Ta Daaah!

I know I do go on about being from the South, but believe me when I say that the only dialogue in the entire movie that I understood was a southern girl talking about how she always wanted to meet Keith because she had seen him on TV with an earring made out of a tooth. No one else in the film at any time said anything intelligible apart from a man called Marshall who gave a rambling explanation of the genesis of the title song. The soundtrack didn’t go with the action and the action was stream-of-consciousness. Don’t try and tell me that was for artistic purposes, not when I just saw a woman eat a heaping tablespoon of cocaine. I’m not kidding.

I saw the Rolling Stones on tour in 1989 and they sounded better than they did on this tour, which was for goddamn Exile on Main Street! Their supposed best album (I prefer Let It Bleed, but what can you do.) The only thing that shocked me about this film, other than how boring it was, was the large amount of footage of Mick and Keith actually hanging out together. Oh, and Mick Jagger needed a dollar bill to roll a joint. You would think he would have been a pro by then.

If Motley Crue had made this movie in 1992, they would have showed it at the multiplex with an NC-17 rating. That guy in the cancelled American show “Life on Mars” was pissed cause he got sent back to 1972 and 1972 was supposed to be so hopeless compared to our time. Well, send me back to 1972, honey, if this is the most shocking thing you got! I don’t know if the world got uglier since then, or if we just hear about it more, but things sure seem more hopeless now.

I give it 2 stars, and one of those is because raise your hand, we got to see some titties. And the other is because I like typing the word “cocksucker” with impunity.

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars