See prang (aka: 4bia/Phobia)

OK, so, technically I’ve reviewed these films in the wrong order. First, I reviewed Phobia 2 (don’t forget to check out my review of it) and now I’m reviewing the first one, but fear not loyal readers, there’s no connection between the two anthologies.

In its native Thailand, the movie is known as ‘See prang’, but to us Westerners it’s known as either ‘Phobia’, or ’4BIA’. No matter the name, the idea is the same; the movie is made up for four shorts all with a common theme; horror! Yay!

The first short, Happiness, is unusual in that it has no dialogue what-so-ever, all the information is conveyed through text messages sent to, and from, a girl who is alone, and bored, in her small apartment. Unable to leave due to having a broken leg which she sustained in a car accident. While the story to this one isn’t bad, it’s a bit boring since the first ten minutes is the girl sending and receiving texts with her making all sorts of happy/excited faces. Like I said though, the story aint bad, and while the end is scary, it’s a bit of a cheap shot.

Next up, Tit for Tat. This one is easily my favourite of the four. A gang of unruly youths are bullying a weak kid. They really give him a good going over and threaten to toss him from the back of their moving pick-up truck. His shirt tears and he falls from the truck. It seems he survives the ordeal, but appears to visit the gang in a last act of defiance. As they try and show him who’s boss a series of events happen and we see that the weak kid really isn’t all that weak after all. Revenge is the motto here. The story is a typical curse/revenge story, but the deaths and effects really shine in this one. There are a couple of very imaginative deaths, with good gore, and some scenes use CGI, some creatures are also CGI, but it’s all done in such a creepy way that you’re really not paying attention to the animation! Again, good ending, but don’t watch it if you’re superstitious!

Third in the series is In The Middle, which is a story about four guys out camping in the woods. One of them tells a ghost story and one of the guys promises that if he dies, he’ll haunt whoever is sleeping in the middle of the remaining three. Well, of course, there’s a white-water rafting accident and one of the quartet is missing. He eventually turns up, but doesn’t quite seem his old self. This is a funny story, and a good story too, nice twist ending to it. This story stars the same four guys who were in the last, very funny, story in Phobia 2.

And the final story is Last Fright. This one is the story of a Princess who is flying out of the country and requests the same air-crew as her last flight. The stewardess agrees and they take off. Mid-flight the stewardess brings the Princess coffee, which she spills on the stewardess scalding her arm, then comes the main meal… which the Princess refuses and wants the stewardesses meal instead. The Princess has an allergy to prawns, so the stewardess removes the prawns thinking that would be fine. Not so. As they land the Princess is whisked off to hospital where she later dies. Now the stewardess has to sit through the return flight, looking at the Princesses mummified body! This one was an OK story, good suspense, only let down by a really weak ending.

So, if I had to rate them from best to worst:

1. Tit For Tat
2. In The Middle
3. Last Fright
4. Happiness

Again, another good anthology, although if you want more bang for your buck, I reckon Phobia 2 is actually better!

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars <– if the ending for Last Fright had been better, it would have been a solid four.

Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus

It’s the movie blockbuster of 2009, and it’s HERE! Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus! (MSvGO from here on, as I’m too lazy to keep typing that big long name).

Wait, I can’t say any thing about this magnum opus without giving you the official IMDb plotline:

The California coast is terrorized by two enormous prehistoric sea creatures as they battle each other for supremacy of the sea.

Yep, that’s it. That’s all you get. The movie is so big, so awe inspiring, that IMDb just can’t find the words to describe it!

Umm, as you can imagine, MSvGO is not a big budget afair, nor is it a special effects extravaganza, In fact…it’s so bad it’s awesome. Let me demonstrate it’s bad awesomeness with Exhibit A: Debbie Gibson Hot MILFness:

Hot MILF, Debbie Gibson, playing with a joystick. Oh my!

You think it doesn’t get any better? Behold, quite probably the greatest scene in the entire movie, and in movie history:

Yes, that's a big shark, and a passenger plane

Gasp in awe as mega shark leaps from the water, ascends in to the clouds and pulls a passenger plane down to their watery doom! No, seriously. That’s what happened!

You want more awesomeness?

Mega Shark attacks the Golden Gate bridge!

I’m not sure if the movie is sponsored by Kempston* (ask your parents), but there are joysticks everywhere! In submarines, in mini-subs, you name it!

See? More joysticks!

Oh, and if you have seisures because of flashing lights, avoid this film as, for reasons unknown, they keep flashing the screen white. I’m sure its to move between scenes, but it just looks like someone keeps taking photo’s with a mega-flash. And I know they were low on budget but seriously, CGI guys; you can not have a mega shark swim through the water and have no wake on/behind it’s ginormous fin! And the lighting, Jesus! Everything is lit with green, or purple! It does not enhance mood/drama, it makes it look like it’s cut scenes from a video game. A bad one at that!

I’m sorry, but neither the scenes mentioned above, or Debbie Gibson in a tight t-shirt can save this. If MSvGO wasn’t trying to take its self so seriously, I’d give it a 3, maybe even a 4, but I’m giving it:

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

And the ending? Well…

PS: there’s no point in watching the movie now, I’ve just told you the only good bits in it.

Oh ok, here’s the trailer then:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fa7ck5mcd1o

* Kempston used to make joysticks back in the 80′s, ala: