Skeleton Farm’s Halloween Horrorshow!

Posted on September 4, 2010 at 3:34 pm by Ronnie

Skeleton Farm's Halloween Horrorshow

As we head in to September it’s not long until that holiday of holiday’s makes an appearance, Halloween. Skeleton Farm have already turned out a new Halloween DVD, like the shopping channels who start showing Christmas decorations in July, but not as bad.

The DVD (yes, it’s a DVD, not just a bog standard AVI mixtape) has a nice menu with several options (trailer etc.) but the mixtape its self starts with a mad doctor (it says so on his lab coat) who tries to sound scary, but just sounds creepy, in a pedo way. Speaking of mad and creepy, we get to some Alice Cooper audio with some cool zombie artwork and animation. Not only that, but within two minutes we get some jiggly boobies! Yay!

White Zombie (Boogie Man) provides the audio for the next part of the tape which is more jiggly boobs, oh and some gore clips mixed in with the video for aforementioned audio track.

I particularly liked the clip from Tales from the Crypt with the Crypt Keeper dressed as Elvis. Couldn’t resist taking a screenshot of that!

Well, there's something you don't see every day...

Next, more groovy Halloween themed audio with a video of dancing skeletons wearing fez hats. Nice! I had no idea there was a rap song about Nightmare on Elm Street which has a video starting three largely overweight men running from Freddy Krueger. Thanks (I think!) to this mixtape I now have that memory engraved in my brain…

The Monster Mash is next with a cool stop-motion video! Yay for stop-motion! The half-way mark gives us a another groovy tune with some classic 50′s animation of skeletons trying to dice up a little dog (or something like that). Next is a horribly cheesy and embarrassing music video from the 80′s, fluffy man hair and gay dance moves aplenty.

Much kudos goes to Skeleton Farm for including some Groovy Ghoulies in here too, it’s not the cartoon’s intro, but it reminded me of my Saturday morning cartoon marathons. Another reminder was just how disco Alice Cooper sounded at times. He’s Back (The Man Behind The Mask)… I remembered it as such a cool song, but the Halloween Horrorshow has reminded me that it is in fact incredibly non-rock/metal sounding. Shame… but it does have some cool shots of Jason.

The last five minutes is a gore-a-thon and ends with a clip of Vincent Price making a simple poem sound creepy as hell, as only he can.

Halloween Horrorshow is top notch stuff. It has good quality videos, groovy Halloween sounds, it’s free and even comes with free DVD covers for you to print out! Yay!

It’s the perfect background audio/video for your Halloween party 2010.

Rating: ★★★★☆

I’d love to post a link to the torrent, but I couldn’t possibly go… http://tracker.zaerc.com/torrents-details.php?id=15138 OOPS! how did that happen?… :D

Posted in Exploitation, Gore, Horror, Humour, Mixtape, Pr0n | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Piranha 3D (2010)

Posted on August 29, 2010 at 12:43 pm by Ronnie

First there was Jaws then, probably due to the economy, they scaled it back to Piranha. Now in 2010, ironically in an economic down turn, we have Piranha (3D).

The original Piranha movie was hardly an Oscar contender so I really wasn’t expecting much from this or it’s 3D

*WOOT! WOOT! RANT ALERT, RANT ALERT

Dear Hollywood,

I appreciate that your films are making less and less money, even though you spend more and more on them, and need gimmicks now more than ever but would you just FUCK OFF with the 3D? It’s a pain in the ass and not new, there’s been ’3D’ films since the 50′s now dump the 3D and get some decent script writers maybe then people will watch your films.

Yours (downloading) faithfully,
Ronnie

So, I expect you want a plot synopsis then? OK, if you must:  Every year the population of sleepy Lake Victoria explodes from 5,000 to 50,000 for Spring Break, a riot of sun and drunken fun. But this year, there’s something more to worry about than hangovers and complaints from local old timers; a new type of terror is about to be cut loose on Lake Victoria. After a sudden underwater tremor sets free scores of the prehistoric man-eating fish, an unlikely group of strangers must band together to stop themselves from becoming fish food for the areas new razor-toothed residents. (IMDb.com)

First things first, you can sleep for the first 30mins of the film, nothing to see here. It’s all students-gone-wild and boring character introduction. Only after the 30min mark do you see any piranha. But, while waiting for the piranha you can always admire the boobage. Yes, there’s plenty of racks on display here! 40mins in is the first decent kill with gore. Some chick with big hooters and a parachute is being dragged behind a boat but, unfortunately for her, she ends up in the water and the next time she lifts up in to the sky… well, let’s just say that there’s a fair bit less of her to lift. The highlight of the film is at the 50min mark where the highly annoying students are told to leave the water, and the area, but no… they all continue to party and dive in to the water. And thank God they do. There’s a massacre, and it is good. One chick is hit by a high tension wire which slices through her diagonally, one selfish dude grabs a speedboat to make a get away. Not only is he mowing people down left right and center but his engine gets snagged. Snagged on some chick hair. When the propellers start up it rips her entire face off. Nice! There’s also a nice piranha-eating-its-way-out of a chick. The next scene of note is the bad-ass sheriff who slices and dices a few piranha with a speedboat motor. After the one hour mark though it’s all down hill again. I think there’s one gore scene for the next half hour then the crappy ending.

I expected worse, there is a good 30mins of blood, gore and action, but with 30mins on either side of it, it could have been planned out a bit better. The gore was pretty good and there were plenty of boobs so I’m giving it…

Rating: ★★★☆☆

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Nightmares in Red, White & Blue – The Evolution of the American Horror Film

Posted on August 18, 2010 at 6:49 pm by Ronnie

Nightmares in Red, White and Blue is a documentary which, as its tag line implies, tells the tale of the American horror film from it’s earliest origins (1910 short of Frankenstein) through to modern day remakes of the classics.

The documentary, narrated by Lance Henrikson, starts with the movies made after the real horror of World War 1 and moves along swiftly in to the gothic era of Lon Chaney (Phantom of the Opera et al), Bela Lugosi (Dracula) and  the creature features of Frankstein and King Kong. Along the way we see clips from all the relevant movies with brief thoughts from directors such as Joe Dante, Brian Yuzna, John Carpenter and, of course, George A Romero.

A third of the way in to the 92 min doc and we move in to the colour era with Blood Feast and down into the depths with Last House on the Left and the other shocker movies of that time, including the more recent The Exorcist. The next batch is the slasher era with Friday 13th (good batch of clips showing plenty of boobage), Halloween and all that bunch, returning to the classic monster theme with The Howling. Next is George Romero explaining the meanings behind his numerous zombie epics and moving along in to the more comedy based horrors (Ghostbusters, Gremlins and the like) with, of course, mentions of the horror icons such as Freddy Krueger (Nightmare on Elm Street) and Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs) and what made them the heroes, rather than the villains that they should have been.

As the documentary winds down it tries to justify remakes of Texas Chainsaw Massacre (which actually wasn’t that bad) and several others. It also very briefly mentions the little nuggets of gold that are also coming out of non-American countries with clips from Pan’s Labyrinth and (one that I hadn’t seen, but need to track down) The Devil’s Backbone, both directed by Guillermo Del Toro (who’s name I’ve more than likely spelled horribly wrong) and with that, it ends.

Nightmares in Red, White and Blue runs at, as I said, 92 mins, but it was interesting enough that I didn’t have to check my watch out of boredom, so kudos to the makers for keeping me interested for over an hour. They got all the big name directors in there for comments, showed clips from the films I expected to see, gave the history in chronological order (which kept things flowing nicely), gave me some knowledge and, as a bonus, a couple of movies to look out for. Can’t complain there!

Rating: ★★★½☆

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Sharktopus – greatness waiting to happen!

Posted on July 19, 2010 at 7:14 pm by Ronnie

Sharktopus is the new epic from SyFy Channel. If you haven’t experienced their awesomeness then you need to check out Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus, Dinocroc vs Supergator and the ilk. Well, should you be unfortunate enough to have seen neither of them, SyFy have recently unleashed the Sharktopus trailer! Horrah! Bask in it’s awesomeness:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fK2bBfuepKk

Posted in Exploitation, Gore, Horror, Humour | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Srpski film (2010) aka: A Serbian Film

Posted on July 12, 2010 at 6:52 pm by Ronnie

Srpski film, aka: A Serbian Film (2010)

I’ve reviewed some sick and harsh films over the years (eg: Martyrs, Ebola Syndrome, The Human Centipede etc.) but this one takes the biscuit. In fact, it eats the entire packet and spits the crumbs in my face!

Srpski Film (aka: A Serbian Film) goes places no film should go. Yes, I’ll be hyping this film up and not giving away too many scenes, but where I do explain an OTT scene, I’ll cover it with a spoiler tag. The reason being that you should see this film without knowing the main scenes that make it surely THE most outrageous film ever.

The story: Milos is a former porn star who is down on his luck financially. When he receives a call from his long-time movie actress partner, Layla, he welcomes her call. Apparently she’s heard that a new film director wants to hire Milos to star in his “artistically-designed” porn film for a very generous price. He is easily lured form his semi-retirement by the lucrative offer, agreeing to meet the director in an isolated mansion. As the filming progresses, Milo begins to suspect that the director’s intentions may be darker than mere pornography. As the film begins to devolve into a horrifically violent production, Milos finds escape may not be an option. (IMDb.com)

Sounds like your average torture-porn film, and it does seem like that initially. About one-third of the way in we see some rough (soft-core) porn, all movements and no penises (thankfully!) with some slapping. No big deal for us veterans of extreme horror. The half-way mark is when it all goes haywire. Y’see, poor Milos has no idea what this film he’s starring in is all about, it’s when the director shows him a clip that you realise that this is some sick stuff:

It's not what you're thinking... it's much MUCH worse!

Whatever you’re thinking probably isn’t what happens. If you really want to know, click the SPOILER link below to find out, but I urge you to watch the film and see for yourself.

Show Spoiler ▼

Poor Milos storms out of the showing and heads off in his car. But a hot chick approaches his car and he can’t keep his hands off her. Next thing you know he’s waking up, in bed, covered in cuts, bruises and blood. Oh dear!

She's cuffed to the bed, he has a machete and there's rigor mortis involved. Uh oh!

Now Milos has to piece together what has happened to him. This is shown in a series of flashbacks. As we head towards the end of the film the director has filming Milos in increasingly depraved situations. The main crux of those I shant reveal, you’ll have to watch the movie for them, but needless to say, you’ll either be sitting back, mouth open, saying ‘what the FUCK?!’, or looking away in disgust. One scene in particular which I certainly wasn’t expecting was one involving Milos and one of the directors heavies.

Show Spoiler ▼

And if you think you’re going to get a happy ending, think again. That’s all I’m saying.

Like I said, I thought I’d seen it all, then this ‘thing’ turns up. I’m kinda stuck on rating this one, as if I give it a high rating then I’m saying that I enjoyed what I saw, and I didn’t really! Hours after having watched it, I still couldn’t shake off some of those scenes. But, by giving it a low mark, I’d be dismissing what is, for all intents and purposes a well made and well thought out film. The story is good, it has some good twists, and it’s technically good. So, my score is based on a rating of one being nothing special, to five, with five being outrageous sickness…

Rating: ★★★★★

Don’t expect to see this film uncut on any shelves!

Trailer:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0zPbwuKANU

Posted in Exploitation, Gore, Horror, Pr0n | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Dinocroc vs. Supergator (2010) – Produced by (aka: blame) Roger Corman

Posted on July 10, 2010 at 3:37 pm by Ronnie

OK, this is a bad sign. I can’t even find a promotional poster nor nothing with the ‘stars’ of the movie and the name on it! Oh well, onwards and upwards.

Right, this is getting ridiculous. IMDb doesn’t even have a synopsis for this epic battle movie. Mr Corman, you’re really making me work here, and I’m not happy about it!

So *ahem* the movie is about a hot MILF in the middle of nowhere who is some sort of scientist on some island somewhere. They use some sort of growth ‘stuff’ (am I getting to technical?) to create a gigantic crocodile and an equally large alligator. And lo, Dinocroc and Supergator were born. Then escaped. But, more importantly, the hot MILF is none other than Delia Sheppard, Penthouse Pet from April 1988

Hot MILF scientist who seems to have Dinocroc and Supergator fighting under her hospital gown...

Hot MILF scientist while going through college...

I’m not even going to continue with a synopsis. Basically, two monsters rampage through a jungle, eating folk. The only way to kill them is to pit them against one another. Wait, haven’t I heard of something like this before?

This is, as you’d expect, this is a Syfy Channel exclusive. In other words: no one else would touch this with a ten foot barge pole. The only good thing going for this film is that the ‘stars’ of the movie make a quick appearance and are continually seen eating people.

The two creatures are, unfortunately, CGI but even for having zero budget they’re pretty well done. Not exactly Jurassic Park but, hey, waddya expect. Speaking of Jurassic Park, it would seem the sound men have done some *ahem* ‘liberal borrowing’ of sounds from said movie. Oh, and scenes. Big jeep pursued by one large reptilian beast. Coincidence? I think not.

The movie also features David Carradine in one of his last performances. His last performance being somewhat kinky and eventually snuffing him. So, it seems that if you’re famous your last movies are always your worst, so that you don’t go out with a bang.

There is some gore in the movie, but it’s all CGI’d and done pretty badly:

In the end, all women in this movie strip to a bikini then die. No bad thing...

… but, hey, what can one expect from a Syfy original movie.

All the deaths are your usual ‘oh I’ll just stand here by the water here and get gulped’ or ‘I’ll just stand here, cover my face with my hands, and wait for the inevitable’.

All in all, not impressed. At least it didn’t take its self seriously, which is just as well really. It was OK, but it didn’t quite beat Megashark vs Giant Octopus for all out bizarreness…

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Trailer:

[