American Grindhouse (2010)

American Grindhouse lays out our favourite deviancy chronologically. Right from the creation of the moving picture through to some recent picks such as Planet Terror and the like.

Our journey starts with the creation of the moving picture and how it spawned exploitation in the sense of your great-grandma whipping off her drawers to ‘titilate’ viewers. Shame on you grandma!

Exploitation, as we know it, began with the movie ‘Traffic of Souls’ which tells the story of white people being bought and sold as slaves. It was a rumour of the time that spawned a movie, but it was the first movie to exploit a genre/story and lo exploitation films were born. Yay!

The documentary briefly discusses the introduction of codes of conduct, the big classics (Dracula, Frankenstein etc.), then discusses the Tod Browning classic ‘Freaks’ which ruined the poor guy. If you haven’t seen it yet, you need to.

Moving into the 30′s it talks about the early crime dramas where criminals would discuss their crime, but with the movie always ending with a message of ‘crime doesn’t pay’. The 40′s, for some reason, brought the ‘educational’ film which either explained VD or showed child birth. Very odd!

Todays question is: guess the STD!

But the 40′s also brought us Hollywood ‘film noir’, so that’s OK then. The 50′s brought us dirty magazines, biker gangs and burlesque, and the 60′s gave us the nudist flick! It’s getting better and better all the time! Oh no, wait, the 60′s also gave us beach films. That’s beach, read it again, and the ‘roughies’ where women get their ass kicked for no real reason.

Fear not, the 60′s redeem themselves when one director decides to show the previously unseen and actually shows blood! Gasp! That’s right, along came a Mr H. G. Lewis and Blood Feast. From there on in… well, I’m sure you know the rest. Or you should know the rest!

Mr Blood Feast himself, H.G. Lewis

Oh, and some other film called ‘Psycho’ (or something) also came out around the same time. I don’t think the director of this Psycho ever got anywhere…

The 70′s gave us that crackpot Charles Manson, but it also gave us things like Last House on the Left. I’m not entirely sure if that’s a good thing or not. I’ll let you decide. It also gave us the genre we know as Blaxploitation. Love it or loathe it, it’s fuckin’ awesome. Possibly on the downside we also got the women-in-prison genre. Only good for boobs. Although this film historian, Kim Morgan, says that most women like to see other women naked and it turns them on. I love Kim Morgan!

Kim Morgan for President! And here was me thinking that all film historians were old bearded men.

Although The Big Bird Cage turned it all on its head by having gay prison guards looking after the women which is kinda funny.

By now were in the mid-70′s and that means Ilsa – Shewolf of the SS and a flood of Nazisploitation films. You name it, the Nazi’s were doing it. Closing the 70′s is when it became OK to show full sex and porn arrived, also bringing with it, into the 80′s, the animals-gone-mad films. Dozens of them. Hundreds probably!

Anyway, it’s a good documentary on our favourite genre of movies. A bit slow at the start as, I think, it spends a bit too much time setting the scene. It could have started with Freaks onwards, or even just started from Blood Feast onwards. Either way, it’s a good 90min history lesson on exploitation. Grab it if you can!

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Mutant Girls Squad (2010)

I loves me some mad Japanese goodness and Mutant Girls Squad looked right up my alley. In a manner of speaking.

From Wikipedia: Rin (Yumi Sugimoto), a young high school student, is an unassuming and awkward girl who is bullied at school. One day, while being bullied, she feels a sharp pain in her hand. Later, Rin learns that she is a descendant of the ancient Hiruko clan, whose members are mutants gifted with superpowers. No sooner than she learns of this, that her home is raided by anti-Hiruko soldiers. Rin’s parents are killed and Rin barely escapes with her life. After killing an entire shopping district out of misunderstanding and grief-fueled rage, Rin meets Rei (Yuko Takayama), another mutant. Rei introduces Rin to a small rag-tag group of mutant rebels led by a transvestite samurai named Kisaragi (Tak Sakaguchi), who is bent on restoring the Hiruko clan’s place in the world.

The movie starts with Rin going to school and getting her ass kicked. Returning home, her 16th birthday party is a bit of a wash out due to some ‘cops’ turning up and slaughtering her parents. She ends up going completely bananas, which seems to awaken some mutant power that she didn’t know she had, and massacres an entire street full of people.

Now, when I say ‘cops’… they’re not your run of the mill ‘boys in blue’. Oh no. Not here, this is Japan. These folks have nose pistols. That’s right, they fire bullets from their schnoz:

That, somewhat phallic, nose is actually a gun!

Soon as I saw that I knew I was watching some Japanese oddness. Hoorah!

Rin then ends up in the company of some other oddbods. They are also mutants with their own special ‘powers’. Powers such as a butt-saw, samurai sword breasts and small arms and hands extending from one girls head. No, seriously, I’m not making it up. Look:

No anal then I take it?...

I've heard of nipples like coat hooks, but they're something else!

I hope that's not Belial!

Their tranny master is hell bent on a mutant uprising and will stop at nothing to make it happen. An assassination attempt on a military man turns into a massacre with, among other things, one mutant skewering a man on her tentacle arm by shoving it up his ass and out his mouth. Oh, and not forgetting the female ‘cop’ being skewered on a sword:

Samurai Holocaust

So, if you can follow that so far you’re doing better than me.

Rin and her mutant chums then stage a revolt against their transgendered leader effectively forming the Mutant Girls Squad.

In case you were in any doubt, this film is fucking nuts. I rank it up there with my other fucking nuts film, Tokyo Gore Police. Like TGP, MGS is chock full of gore. Not your serious, trying-to-be-realistic gore, but the usual Japanese OTT gore with blood spraying everywhere.

The effects range from latex to CGI. Some of the blood effects are blatantly CGI (since blood is spraying everywhere yet hardly anyone has blood on them) as are some of the less practical effects, such as a man with the top of his head cut off and his brain unravelling, and peoples heads being sliced horizontally in three. The practical effects range from tentacle arms, rubber moulds for chest plates, and faces being sliced open:

Yeah, you might need a little elastoplast for that one dear...

At the end of the movie I sat there, stunned, thinking “that was fuckin’ awesome!“. Trust me, that’s a good sign. Suspend all disbelief and seriousness, watch MGS, and find out whey Japanese films are SO much better than Hollywood could ever dream of doing.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Trailer:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-e2wy4r1510

Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (1991)

Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (aka: Lik Wong) is a movie adaptation of a Japanese manga (comic book to us westerners), but don’t let that put you off. This isn’t Hollywood going lame on comic book adaptations, oh no, this is full on, in yer face, blood, gore, and action. And on the cheap!

The movie begins with a police van entering a prison. The prisoners are presented to a group, seated behind a desk, where they must step forward and give their name. It’s here that we meet Riki Oh.

It’s here we’re told the rules of the prisons four wings, North, East, South and West each with their own ‘head’ and fighter. The prisoners must deal with them first before they can even think about meeting the Assistant Warden, never mind THE Warden himself!

One rather meek old gentleman is up for parole, gets bullied, a wood plane to the face then denied parole. Riki brandishes some swift justice with a trip which ends with the leaders face, and hand, being skewered on a carefully placed plank of wood with rather large nails protruding from it.

So THAT's where the saying 'nailed' comes from... I see...

The leader plans his revenge (via the prison wardens) by releasing his rather plump friend to dispense justice upon Riki. By now the meek gentleman his hung himself and Riki is obviously hell bent on revenge. Needless to say the fat man is unsuccessful and Riki is now something of a prison superstar, fighting for justice and revenge.

... and that's NOT a fat-suit!

With the fat man gone, Riki is in isolation, meditating if you will, and it’s here we are told of his background. He has learned special kung-fu from his uncle (taught to him in a graveyard, of course) and it’s this, combined with his special power, that gives him the ability to punch through people and such-like.

But, unfortunately, Riki’s ass is out the window since the Assistant Warden wants to see him. I’m sure he’d like an explanation for the disemboweled plump man.

No, wait, I'll come up with a funny gag in a sec... hook... eye... uhhh...

The Assistant Warden is quite the character. Hook handed and with a false eye (which holds mints it seems) he’s not impressed with Riki’s justice, and Riki isn’t impressed with the Assistant Wardens threats to his girlfriend. The Assistant Warden gets one of the prison wing fighters to take out Riki.

Seeing a man punch through a fat man’s belly is weird. No doubt about it. But this next scene is now legendary. As Riki fights the prisoner, the fighter proceeds to fall on his knife, disembowel himself then choke Riki with his intestines! No, seriously, he does!

The man on the right has disemboweled himself and using his own guts to strangle Riki...

Next comes the creepiest character in the entire film, Rogan. Leader of one of the prison wings I have no idea if it’s a he, or a she:

He? She? I have no idea...

Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

The madness doesn’t end there, it goes on and on. There’s now three prison leaders on Riki’s ass all wanting to kill him for the glory. Meanwhile the prisoners see Riki as something of a freedom fighter, or vigilante, if you will.

Having been locked in a cage with one of the larger leaders Riki takes him out by punching up, under his jaw, and out his mouth. Absolutely bizarre. And, of course, done with $10 effects.

Top of the line special effects there huh?

Two leaders left and Riki is still alive, but not for long. The Warden gets Riki buried alive in sand. As his body is exhumed Riki is, surprise surprise, still alive. He’s then tortured by the he/she-thing and forced to eat razor blades. Riki eventually escapes (surprise!) only to find that another of his prison colleagues has been murdered. Now he’s really REALLY pissed! A prison riot breaks out and it’s here that Riki manages to punch through a riot shield and the cop behind it! What a guy! It’s at this point the Warden goes ape-shit and shoots the Assistant Warden with some sort of inflatable/exploding bullet…

Yes, that's the Assistant Warden with his arm cut off, inflating, and about to explode. No, I have no idea what is going on anymore.

Riki is next, but all is not as it seems (a bit like the whole film so far) as the Warden turns into some large monster. Again, made using $10 effects:

Quite possibly THE worst special effects EVAR!

Needless to say, Riki whoops his monster ass, by mincing him, and presents the head of the head to the wardens and prisoners.

Just when you thought the effects couldn't get any worse...

The movie ends with Riki punching through the wall of the prison and telling the prisoners that they are all free men. Why he couldn’t just do that at the start of the film I’ve no idea.

Although it may seem as though I’ve said many bad things about Riki-Oh I really like the film. The actors are playing it straight in a completely ridiculous storyline. The effects are completely over the top and so bad they’re good, and the dubbing is God awful. There’s really not much to seriously hate about the film!

The Story of Riki-Oh is legendary, and deservedly so. I can but only give it top marks.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars +1

Clips:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vMKN1tYknE

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWImBJyxPCE

Rubber (2010)

Yes, it’s true. I just watched a movie about a telepathic tyre called Robert.

From IMDb: When Robert, an inanimate tire, discovers his destructive telepathic powers, he soon sets his sights on a desert town; in particular, a mysterious woman becomes his obsession.

The movie starts with a car driving down the road weaving all over the place to knock down chairs. I’ve no idea why, but out the boot of the car comes a cop who babbles on about ‘no reason’ then gets back in the boot and the car drives off. After a short time we see our ‘hero’ finding his feet (or treads I suppose) and trundling through the desert. When he comes across a plastic bottle he discovers (after several attempts) that he can run over the bottle and crush it. Robert then crushes/smashes several other objects, but along the way he discovers that he can use the power of his mind to detonate things.

No, seriously, he can. Don’t laugh.

Having exploded a rabbit and several other forms of life he, inevitably, moves on to people. This is spurred on by being involved in a hit and run accident, and seeing his fellow rubbery bretheren being thrown on a fire. He also takes a shine to a girl who’s car he manages to stall.

All this is seen by a group of people with binoculars. A thin greasy looking kid with glasses issues them with binoculars and they effectively annoy each other by commenting on what’s happening and predicting what will happen next. Fear not though as most of them die early on.

After killing several people, by exploding their heads, the cops are on his little rubbery tail. He flees to a motel, while stalking the aforementioned chick. He chills out, has a shower and a good long nights sleep. In between perving on the chick and killing the motel maid.

I shant explain any further as the ending is epic and made me laugh, heartily.

The whole film is quite surreal and experimental. I particularly liked the camera work where they used some unusual lenses/settings to make objects look tiny. Sometimes it looked like the scene was entirely made up of models/toys. The gore is minimum with heads exploding but it’s not the over the top blood and bits spray for half a mile type explosion. It’s also quite short, just over the one hour mark which was fine. Not too long, not too short.

If definitely think you should see this just to be able to tell your friends that you watched a movie about a telepathic tyre called Robert.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Trailer:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G5pyFhmAqE

Gamera 2: Assault of the Legion

Yep, that’s right. The big flying turtle is BACK! And, wow, this one was a big surprise! If you need to be brough up to speed on the other big G, check out my review of Gamera (1).

Big G’s lesser known brother (Gamera) returns, once again, to save Tokyo from ‘the Legion’. As IMDb says: A strange meteor lands in Japan unleashing hundreds of insect-like “legion” creatures which find their way into Tokyo. When the military fails to control the situation, Gamera shows up to deal with the ever-evolving space adversary.

OK, first thing I noticed about Gamera 2 is that it’s definitely no kids film. Seconds after the fifteen minute mark we see an underground train driver about to be attacked by a Legion creature. I expected it to be the usual driver-escapes-in-the-nick-of-time thing, or the creature would give him a nasty bruise, but no. We cut to the cabin, hear a scream, see the drivers hand come up, into the shot, and blood spray everywhere!

This a Japanese monster movie? But there's blood, surely there's some mistake!

Totally wasn’t expecting that!

Anyway, the army aren’t doing much to hinder the Legion, and that’s when Gamera shows up on the scene. He launches a giant stream of fire at the Legion pod (which was ready to launch a ton of new Legion beasties) and whoops it’s ass. Unfortunately the millions of legion creatures attack Gamera, covering him completely and force him to retreat and launch into space. Meanwhile, some scientists search for information on Gamera on the Internet:

Netscape! Yaaayyy! Ahh, them were the days!

As the citizens are evacuated we meet up again with the girl from the first Gamera (in this ‘trilogy’) who seems to have a mental connection to Gamera via her little cashew shaped pendant.

Gamera makes a reappearance when another Legion pod appears. This time Gamera attacks them using what looks like some sort of nuke! He whoops them, but pretty much kills himself!

Uh oh, that can't be good. Bad Gamera, BAD GAMERA!

Tokyo is now defenseless against the Legion since Gamera toasted himself. Cue Huey Lewis singing The Power Of Love. As the citizens hold a candle-lit vigil at the toasted remains of Gamera their love (or something) ressurects Gamera and he (or she!) bursts forth to whoop ass once again. Hoorah for candles!

That's some bad indigestion there...

Well, needless to say, Gamera kicks the legions ass and all is good for Tokyo. Well, once they rebuild it that is…

I liked the first in this unofficial trilogy but I gotta admit that this one was even better! It had blood, monsters, fire, explosions… only thing missing was boobs, but ya can’t have everything. Otherwise it’d be 5.5 out of 5. Roll on Gamera 3!

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Trailer:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqevsDGsAs4

Gamera: Guardian of the Universe (1995)

Godzilla… he has his rivals, but none have ever been as popular as the big G. Gamera has come close though, he’s been around since the late 60′s and, like the G, been in both kiddie and serious action films.

The plot of Gamera: Guardian of the Universe is pretty standard fare: The giant flying turtle is back for this 1995 Japanese feature where once again Gamera’s intentions are misinterpreted by the military. All Gamera wants to do is take on his old enemy, Gyaos, the giant prehistoric bird who has nested atop Tokyo Tower. (from IMDb)

In essence you could take out Gamera drop in Godzilla and the plot would remain intact, including the destruction of the Tokyo Tower. The actual script would have to change though. Why? Well, Gamera has a few tricks up his shell. Not only is he ginormous, pondering and the destroyer of cities he is also, it seems, part machine… or something. You see, Gamera has powerful booster rocket things in his feet so in times of need he can simply rocket out of the situation.

Yes, that's Gamera, quite literally making a boost for it...

Not only that, but it one scene he spins 360 degrees and effectively becomes a UFO! Speaking of which, in one scene he rockets into space! Everything was a plain Jane monster movie until that whirling UFO-style scene. Caught me off guard it did…

Like the majority of the G-films the models and suits are up to par, and I mean that in a good way. Although people mock these types of monster suits, you have to realize that these films are made on a low budget yet, in most cases, rake in a ton of money. We in the West might laugh, but it’s the East who get the last laugh.

The 'other' big G about to burp up a fireball.

CGI is present but is, thankfully, kept to a minimum. All those bright explosions seem quite real to me. The CGI is only really used to superimpose the giant birds and for some laser/sound wave effects.

KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!

I’m a big fan of Godzilla and thoroughly enjoyed this Gamera romp. There are apparently another two Gamera films that make up this ‘trilogy’ (of sorts) and I’ll definitely be checking them out ASAP.

If, like me, you like your monster movies then definitely check out Gamera: Guardian of the Universe. The others I’m not so sure about. Yet.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e32GJ8HU_W0

The Fly (1958)

Way back in the 1950′s people did actually read the articles in Playboy. No, seriously, they did! One such readable piece was a short story called ‘The Fly’. First published in the June 1957 issue the story, by George Langelaan, is set in France and has a rather grim ending. Cronenberg’s ‘The Fly’ has very little connection with the original short, but this movie is very close to the original.

The start made me grin like a Cheshire cat, and the movie hadn’t even started yet. It began with the old gold 20th Century Fox logo, with the search lights, and the trumpeting sound clip. Ah, them were the days!

But when the movie starts, we find the story is now set in Montreal, Canada. An old man is entering a lab/warehouse (after hearing a loud bang) and see’s a woman run away from a press only to find a body still jammed under the heavy press. Sacre bleu!

The police are informed and the wife admits to the crime and is pretty much declared insane. As the movie plods along we know there’s something a foot. Francois (played by the almighty Vincent Price) is the brother of the dead man, Andre, who fancies his (now dead) brothers wife, Helene so, obviously, he is trying to clear her name but is finding it a tad difficult.

No one (other than Helene) knows what her scientist husband, Andre, was working on, and she’s keeping tight lipped. Inspector Charas is leading the investigation and is pretty much calling in the wagons with the straitjackets for Helene, but Francois managed to prise a confession from Helene by tricking her with a lie.

The next 40mins or so are Helene’s confession of what her husband was up to, what happened, and how she killed him. I won’t go in to too much detail on the story as there’s a nice quirky ending.

Hooray! No CGI!

And, no, it’s not the same storyline/ending as the Cronenberg film.

It’s definitely a classic flick, no real gore/scares in ‘The Fly’ but the story is there and the acting is solid. Although, you might want to pass on the sequels…

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Right, this is getting ridiculous. IMDb doesn’t even have a synopsis for this epic battle movie. Mr Corman, you’re really making me work here, and I’m not happy about it!

So *ahem* the movie is about a hot MILF in the middle of nowhere who is some sort of scientist on some island somewhere. They use some sort of growth ‘stuff’ (am I getting to technical?) to create a gigantic crocodile and an equally large alligator. And lo, Dinocroc and Supergator were born. Then escaped. But, more importantly, the hot MILF is none other than Delia Sheppard, Penthouse Pet from April 1988

Hot MILF scientist who seems to have Dinocroc and Supergator fighting under her hospital gown...

Hot MILF scientist while going through college...

I’m not even going to continue with a synopsis. Basically, two monsters rampage through a jungle, eating folk. The only way to kill them is to pit them against one another. Wait, haven’t I heard of something like this before?

This is, as you’d expect, this is a Syfy Channel exclusive. In other words: no one else would touch this with a ten foot barge pole. The only good thing going for this film is that the ‘stars’ of the movie make a quick appearance and are continually seen eating people.

The two creatures are, unfortunately, CGI but even for having zero budget they’re pretty well done. Not exactly Jurassic Park but, hey, waddya expect. Speaking of Jurassic Park, it would seem the sound men have done some *ahem* ‘liberal borrowing’ of sounds from said movie. Oh, and scenes. Big jeep pursued by one large reptilian beast. Coincidence? I think not.

The movie also features David Carradine in one of his last performances. His last performance being somewhat kinky and eventually snuffing him. So, it seems that if you’re famous your last movies are always your worst, so that you don’t go out with a bang.

There is some gore in the movie, but it’s all CGI’d and done pretty badly:

In the end, all women in this movie strip to a bikini then die. No bad thing...

… but, hey, what can one expect from a Syfy original movie.

All the deaths are your usual ‘oh I’ll just stand here by the water here and get gulped’ or ‘I’ll just stand here, cover my face with my hands, and wait for the inevitable’.

All in all, not impressed. At least it didn’t take its self seriously, which is just as well really. It was OK, but it didn’t quite beat Megashark vs Giant Octopus for all out bizarreness…

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Trailer:

[

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RM0-WLbvaw8

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)

OK, by rights this is a ridiculous idea that should have me turning off my TV. But I’m the curious sort, and I do like anything non-Hollywood.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence, no less!) is from the Netherlands. But, the main character is German. The two girls are American. And the other guy is Japanese. So, you can’t say there’s no global appeal there…

The basic plot is of a mad German doctor/surgeon who is an expert with siamese twins, problem is… he’s flipped his lid and wants to take ordinary people and make them siamese, well three of them… to a centipede.

First things first, the German doctor/surgeon is as mad as a box of frogs and is brilliantly played by Dieter Laser. He IS your stereotypical mad Nazi surgeon, right down to the whip and jackboots, seriously. The victims do their jobs quite well considering that for most of the film the two girls mumble. Well, you would too if your mouth was stapled to someone’s ass.

You see, our mad German friend has already practiced on his own three rottweiler dogs and now wants to up the ante to humans. He abducts a truck driver, doesn’t think he’s suitable so bumps him off and buries him in the garden. Two dippy American chicks get lost while on holiday in the Fatherland and turn up the Dr’s house. After feeding them Alex’s secret potion, sorry I mean: Rohypnol, they are tied to beds. The good Dr acquires a new chap and he’s (luckily?) chosen to be the front of the centipede. So, as they lie there, tied to beds, the doctor does a fine slide presentation to them about how they’ll be joined from ass to mouth and when A is fed, the food will pass… well, I’m sure you can guess the rest.

The good Doctor and his human centipede. In this scene, he's going to teach the centipede to fetch his newspaper and bring it to him. No, seriously, he is... I'm not making it up, I SWEAR!

We really don’t see much in the way of gore in the film, but we do see the ‘subjects’ being prepared then as the centipede. But there are some sick SICK scenes in the movie.

Here he squeezes some puss from the facial wound of subject C - from this he determines that she is sick. NO SHIT Hitler!

In the snippet above, the Dr squeezes puss from the last persons wound, gives it a sniff, and determines that she is, in fact, sick. Possibly dying. Seeing puss squeezed from a stapled up wound even made me cringe. Eugh!

The scene where the guy in front decides he needs to take a dump is… well, psychological to the viewer. While the good Doctor dances with great glee at one section ‘feeding’ the other. Bizarre to say the least.

The special effects are basic, some face pieces to make it look like they’re stitched together, but most of the doctors handiwork is hidden by bandages. Probably for the best.

I really didn’t expect much from this film, but it delivered in spades. It’s a VERY dark horror comedy, with the comedy being provided by the comments made by the mad German doctor. We find them funny, but he’s quite serious about things.

If you want a film that’ll make you say ‘what the…’ several times, then this is the one. Definitely one I’d show to someone just to hear their comments on it.

Oh, and (according to IMDb) there will be a Human Centipede (Full Sequence) in 2011. I’m not sure how they’ll work it, but I’ll certainly be looking out for it!

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Trailer:

Frog-g-g! (2004)

I expected nothing but bad acting from this film, but within the first four minutes, I was willing to keep watching.

Why?

Because the two main characters are a couple of lesbians. Kinda hot ones at that.

Anyway, I suppose I should start off with the ‘plot’. I’m too lazy to write my own, so I’ll steal it from IMDb.com:

Chemical waste seeps into a small town’s water supply, causing the birth of a mutant FROG-G-G which is instinctively driven to mate with its genetic match – human women. Sexy EPA super-agent Dr Barbara Michaels tracks the Frog-g-g’s every move, fighting off corrupt good-ol’-boy politicians and drunken rednecks at every turn. No one in town believes her, or the evidence, until the shocking climax when the Frog-g-g is finally brought to justice… or IS it…?

So, that’s the plot. Like I was watching it for it’s riveting turn of events? Hell no, I was watching it for:

Boobies within the four minute mark is a good sign as far as I'm concerned!

Yay for the under represented!

After the boobs, we see the corrupt plant owner forcing employees to bury toxic waste in the middle of butt-fuck-nowhere.  Right after that we learn that one of the dykes (her on the left in the photo above) is in town and investigating some eco-whatsitsface.  After speaking to some old inbred man she’s shown what may, or may not, be a mutation:

uh, yeah, there's something not quite right with that frog...

This needs some serious testing! So it’s off to her lab for a good frog dissection. After that she’s almost attacked so now she must head for the shower and show yet more breast. Yay! Then it’s off to visit the Sheriff who is in cahoots with the plant owner! (boo-hiss!) But fear not, for our eco-dyke has evidence against the plant owner to show that giant mutations are taking place.

After a car crash our Frog-g-g makes an appearance. Mainly by raping some random chick:

Just repeat to yourself: it's a man in a suit, it's a man in a suit...

So, uh, yeah… some other stuff happens and then cums the second attack of the humping frog-g-g:

Uh, no, wait - that's not the attack, that's a completely unnecessary shot of some cheerleaders. Go fit-chicks!

Then, after some other stuff eco-dyke tracks down the Frog-g-g and distracts him with some fine humanoid flesh:

you wanna piece a' me? FUUUUCCCKKK MEEEEEEEE!!!! (no, seriously, that's the dialogue to go with this photo)

then whacks him in the nuts with a tyre iron.

And that’s about it. The plot is corny as hell, the acting actually isn’t bad, effects are lame but it did have plenty of boobage, so I kinda liked it! It’s a great movie to watch for boobs, brief clips of cheerleaders and general no-brain action.

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Trailer: