Texas Chainsaw (2013)

Texas Chainsaw (2013) – Director – John Luessenhop


A young woman travels to Texas to collect an inheritance; little does she know that an encounter with a chainsaw-wielding killer is part of the reward.

This is  a “made for 3-D” movie, so there are a few sight gags in it, namely with chainsaws coming straight at the screen.  It only happens a few times, and it isn’t bothersome, which is good as I am not a fan of 3-D movies.

Where the 1974 classic leaves off, we see a montage of 1970s footage of the girls screaming and running from Leatherface.  I actually pretty much skipped the first few minutes of the film since I didn’t need a recap of the original.  So the girl makes it to the police, who then in turn heads off to the Sawyer commune to collect Jed.  The Sawyers decide to hand him over since he was a “simple man”.  Meanwhile, the townsfolk hear word of the killings and show up on the property wanting blood.  All they were missing were pitchforks – they had Molotov cocktails, a gun fight broke out, and they burn the place down.

Is this Leatherface or Frankenstein’s monster?  I was afraid I had put in the wrong movie.

So the townsfolk kill everyone in the Sawyer commune, and have their picture taken for the local paper calling themselves heroes.  The paper doesn’t seem to mention the kidnapping that took place during all the killing.  Oh, yeah, no one knew about that except for the two people who stole that Sawyer baby.

Fast forward 20 years and the kidnapped Sawyer girl is a butcher at the local grocery store, far far away from Texas.  Fitting, since all the Sawyer’s worked in that nasty slaughter house, and chopped all those people up.  I guess it really does run in their veins.  She gets a letter that Grandma Sawyer has past away and she has inherited all she had.  This is when she finds out that she was kidnapped 20 years ago, so she storms off to Texas with her friends.

I hear that 5 is the magic number in horror movies.  Cabin in the Woods was 5 teens.  Texas Chainsaw was 5 teens.  I believe most horror movies have 5 victims.  Is this horror law?

Insert witty soundtrack while driving to Texas: “he’ll fuck you up, yes god will fuck you up”

Jump outs rarely get me while watching movies.  I am the one who laughs at people when they scream or get startled at a jump out.  I always seem to know when they are going to happen, or I just always expect them.  That being said, the first jump out got me, even though I knew it was coming, they did it really frigging well, and it got me.  And then it happened again  a few minutes later.  Well played, Texas Chainsaw, well played.

So the things you expect to happen in a slasher Leatherface movie happen.  Kids die, I laugh, Achilles tendons are mutilated via chainsaws, kids are chased by Leatherface wielding a chainsaw, Leatherface uses a chainsaw to stop the kids from the getting away, Stihl paid money to use their chainsaw, chainsaw, chainsaw, chainsaw.  Oh, and Chainsaw.

This Chainsaw was not in Texas Chainsaw.

Oh wait, there is the pitch fork is this movie, 20 year later.

Rating: ★★★★☆

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About Brandy Candy

I have always loved movies. I saw the first two Star Wars at a Drive-In theatre in Chicago, Illinois, USA. My parents would put us five kids in our pjs, pop a paper grocery bag full of popcorn, and then put us on top of the station wagon to watch the films. When we moved to Raleigh, North Carolina, USA in 1979 we were sad to find that there were no Drive-Ins here, just indoor theatres. When the Muppet Movie first came on TV was when we finally got our first color TV. Movies have always been a huge part of my life. I fell in love with horror movies at a very early age. Gremlins, Ghoulies, Pieces, I Spit On Your Grave – the list can go on forever. We would go straight to the horror section at the local video store and just pick videos we had never seen before.
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