Unless you’ve been living in a drug induced coma on Mars (and for all I know you might have been) you should know about Retard-o-tron. I’ve gushed previously about Retard-o-Tron 1 and Retard-o-Tron II so, it’s time to gush greatly about Retard-o-Tron III.
The madness begins with some pitchfork wielding then a sci-fi clip with two men chasing one another in what looks like Sinclair C-5 prototypes.
After some midget porn there’s a man singing badly followed by some nicely clipped together Britain’s Got Talent and porn. Then some real talent, Merrill Howard Kalin. A cookery show with a slightly retarded big kid. Why he’s even allowed knives is a mystery to me.
Following a quick montage for the big jug lovers out there we get more Merrill.
Here Merrill explains what a cucumber is and how to cut it. The boy’s a genius.
Mean while in some far eastern country a man finds what has to be the best vending machine EVAR! After some underwater pooping we get a crazy preacher man. Some clips follow which are, I believe, from Funky Forest a completely trippy eastern film that I have actually seen!
But then Merrill drops the bomb on how to cut apples. My life is now complete. Apple and cucumber sammich anyone?
Speaking of food, near the hour mark we get some redneck who decides to pull is own toenail off then glue it back with peanut butter. The man’s a genius and should form a food federation with Merrill.
Near the 90 minute mark we get a nice montage of my person favourite, people-hurting-themselves clips. Including women getting smacked in the clit with giant elastic bands.
We round off with some mad eastern clips and, finally, a nice retro looking credit sequence.
Definitely a worthy successor to parts 1 and 2 and I hope there’ll be a part 4. Hint hint guys!
You can buy this fine mixtape from: http://cinemasewer.ecrater.com/p/18504862/retard-o-tron-dvd-mixtape-vol-3