Christmas. The one day of the year when everyone watches Christian films, and boy do we have a peach here! Naked Nuns With Big Guns is just what you need to celebrate the birth of the Jesus. Nun-boobs and big guns. Jesus would have wanted his birthday celebrated like this. I’d want my birthday celebrated like that!
The whole movie is a modern take on the old nunsploitation movies of yesteryear. It begins with us finding out that the priests are using the nuns to bag their drugs for them. There’s also a rag tag gang of thugs who are, well, thugs. Things get a little hairy when a drug deal goes wrong and a nun ends up being kept high as a kite in a brothel. Eventually she escapes, has a near death experience, and ends up a gun-totting vigilante.
I should also point out that I don’t think one woman in this film kept her top on. Oh, wait, the big fat Mother Superior one did, but that was a good thing. There’s titties and lesbo action everywhere. Usually when I do a review I’ll post screens of the boob-shots, but I can’t with this movie as the page would take forever to load due to it having a bajillion screens, but I’ll do my utmost to do a brief ‘best of’.
The movie has a TON of action, also some rather awkward rape scenes, which make for nasty viewing. In one scene a mother is raped in front of her daughter and in the other an elder nun is raped by a big black dude. Most other (non-boob) scenes are people being shot between the eyes.
There’s no major gore to speak of, but there’s plenty of blood squibs and even a penis being shot off!
The story is nothing ground breaking, but it has all the goodness that you’d expect in a nunsploitation movie, such as; boobs, guns, lesbo-action, boobs, more guns, more boobs, shootings, rosary beads, lesbo-action… all the stuff that Jesus told us not to do. Oh, and there’s an awesome nun-gets-tooled-up scene where she has guns and bullets everywhere. Friggin awesome.
This is definitely my favourite nunspoitation film. EVAR!