Machete (2010) – Mexploitation madness!

Machete (2010)

I’ve been waiting for Machete since it was a mere trailer. Initially Machete was a spoof trailer at the start of the buy provigil at walmart Grindhouse double bill. Even as a trailer it looked friggin awesome now, several years later, here it is – full length, and it’s a cracker!

The story is as anti-Mexican and anti-serious as it can get: The highly skilled Federale Machete is hired by some unsavory types to assassinate a senator. But just as he’s about to take the shot, he notices someone aiming at him and realizes he’s been set up. He barely survives the sniper’s bullet, and is soon out for revenge on his former employers, with the reluctant assistance of his old friend […], who has become a priest and taken a vow of nonviolence. (

The movie has everything that an exploitation movie should have, and more. It combines the best elements of the best exploitation (and blaxploitation) movies of the past and rolls them in to one big ol’ cheesy burrito.

Our man, Machete, is a man of few words. Then there’s the hot accomplice (Alba). Sluts with bare boobs (Lohan, barely recognisable in one shot where she has her clothes on). A nun with a gun. A chick with an eye patch… the list goes on.

It may be a Hollywood production, but it doesn’t skimp on the OTT action and gore. There’s decap’s, severed limbs, the whole gamut of injuries and deaths. Even injuries by weed whacker (no, seriously, there is).

Trejo is perfect as Machete, he just looks leather faced and mean. Alba looks nothing like your average immigration cop but, hey, every movie needs eye candy! Steven Segal is great as the giant Mexican drug lord type dude and Don Johnson (yes, that Don Johnson) is awesome as the mad Mexican murderer protecting his ‘daddies land’. The hitman, brought in to eliminate Machete is even played by effects maestro Tom Savini!

I reckon Machete is easily the best action/exploitation film I’ve seen from Hollywood. My previous favourite was 1800 mg neurontin Planet Terror, but Machete out does it by a whisker due to it being in the ‘real world’ yet still being corny enough for my liking. Watch it. Watch it NOW!

Rating: ★★★★½



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About Ronnie

Having survived the UK's 'video nasty' (prohibition) era I'm eager to catch up with all previously unseen sleaze and filth. I revel in mixtape oddness, boobage, gore, and proper latex special effects, don't get me started on CGI... - email Ronnie
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2 Responses to Machete (2010) – Mexploitation madness!

  1. Brandy Candy says:

    Love Trejo. 🙂

    Love Michelle Rodriguez, too. Word on the street is that she could love me back.

    I don’t understand why you only gave it 4.5 stars. The taco truck in and of itself is clearly worth 1/2 a star. Maybe you didn’t see it in the theatre. Movie ROCKED in the theatre.

  2. Ronnie says:

    Ah but we don’t have or know anything about taco trucks here in the UK.

    I stand by my verdict.

    Still haven’t seen Machete 2 yet though…

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