Zombi 3 (1988) Fulci chat review madness!

Zombi 3 (1988) Lucio Fulci

‘Plot’: When a terrorist’s body, infected with a stolen chemical, is recovered by the US military, the corpse is cremated, unintentionally releasing the virus/bacteria into the atmosphere over a small island. Soon the infected populace mutate into flesh-hungry zombies, and a trio of soldiers on leave must team up with a group of tourists and board themselves up in an abandoned hotel as they try to fend off the agile and aggressive living dead. (from IMDb.com)

NOTE: this film has nothing (in story) to do with the Fulci classic Zombi 2 which I, Ronnie, reviewed HERE on this very site.

Alex: Important factoid

Alex: Fulci began directing this film

Alex: but he didn’t finish it

Alex: I believe Bruno Mattei finished it

Ronnie: indeed

Erin: What are some of Mattei’s other credits?

Alex: Huzzah KNOWLEDGE

Alex: I don’t know any off the top of my head

Alex: perhaps City of the living dead?

Ronnie: I believe everything he touches turns to poo

Alex: I know he is like a poor mans Fulci

Erin: they reanimated the corpse of Yul Brynner

No ,Erin, it's NOT Yul Bryner! *tut*

No ,Erin, it's NOT Yul Bryner! *tut*

Alex: and his films, at best, fall under the so bad it’s enjoyable category

Alex: awww Yul Brynner

Ronnie: good to know that the Doctors back off in to a corner rather than help the patient…

Erin: we have vomit

Alex: sing me christmas songs

Ronnie: oh, now he’s the elephant man

Erin: so whatever was in that needle was bad

Alex: it was the zombie juice

Ronnie: I dunno… looked pretty good to me…

Erin: Oh crap I can see the bottom of the head

Alex: zombie on the loose

Erin: Like where someone had their hand in the head puppet

Ronnie: is the music playing at the wrong speed??

Alex: this is synth magic

Erin: It’s kinda dragging

Erin: Definitely not 70s zombie rock

Ronnie: its like a cross between 80’s synth-pop and Phantom of the Opera

Alex: we need some Fabio Frizzi synth or Goblin up in this bitch

Alex: Maybe Tangerine Dream

Erin: it’s like they have synthesized pipe organs that crows fell into and died

Ronnie: exactly!

Ronnie: wait, they had elevators back in them days???

Erin: so, is this a real sequel?

Alex: well this film has been compared to Hitchcock’s The Birds as an equal masterpiece

Ronnie: It’s another unofficial sequel

Erin: are there gonna be zombie animals?

Ronnie: Dunno… probably not 🙁

Alex: Zombi 2 was a sequel to like Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, unofficially

Alex: Italians just throw numbers on stuff

Alex: and make pasta

Ronnie: all those shootings and no blood? Not even a squib??

Erin: the van is very Back to the Future

Ronnie: oh no, the ‘end of everything’!

Alex: 7 minutes in we should probably meet out heroes by now

Ronnie: Fulci was the hero, and even he left!

Alex: the doctor just did his best Adam West impression

Erin: I think the Dr is going to become a zombie

Ronnie: It’ll go with his acting then!

Alex: bah-zing!

Ronnie: oh no! He’s dropped his case of CD’s!

Alex: His favorite Usher album was in there! NOOOOOOO

Erin: the antidote!

Ronnie: I’m trying to figure out why he had to rip his lab-coat off…

Erin: ok, now act like you’re dancing

Alex: for the ladies

Ronnie: ahh… good ol’ bribery

Erin: any proper secret lab wouldn’t be on a resort island

Alex: …or would it?

Erin: the death one compound is far more dangerous than you imagined Alex

Erin: sweeeeeet mullet on the female

Alex: death one compound was a great hardcore thrash band

Ronnie: really?

Erin: dont open the door!

Alex: no, but someone will read this and use that as a band name

Erin: that’s a different hallway than the one he went in on

Alex: totally different

Ronnie: yay!

Alex: he is going to chop off that hand!

Alex: gore! yippee

Erin: the glass cut him to spread the virus that only lives 30 seconds in air

Alex: I just thought the same thing

Ronnie: oh no! Has he wet the bed??

Alex: even if it was in the saliva on the cup

Erin: I think he died in the bed

Alex: Rosa the maid is about to get got

Alex: I think the glass was suppose to break there

Erin: nice touch though, the mess in the bed

Ronnie: didn’t even look like glass to me

Erin: zombie finger!

Alex: in the 80’s

Alex: whichever company made those white pandemic suits

Alex: must have been filthy rich

Erin: good point

Erin: wonder why he needed the knife

Alex: bury them in a mass grave

Erin: I like the step by stpe instructions

Erin: step

Alex: uh oh, we got ZOMBIE RAIN COMING

Alex: I am pumped up

Ronnie: meh, we get that all the time here

Erin: particles of undeath

Alex: Ronnie, I didn’t know you lived inside the Return of the living Dead film

Erin: shucking and jiving!!!

Ronnie: UK/zombies… same thing

Ronnie: look LP’s!

Erin: finally some zombie chow

Alex: our heroes…21 minutes in

Ronnie: the music is making him horny??

Erin: he doesn’t remember her name, but he sure as hell remembers her tits

Alex: Priorities Erin, priorities

Alex: Kurt Russel!?!?!?!?!

Erin: susan and carol are getting worked up back there

Ronnie: an eco-doubter! Yay!

Alex: Al Gore is somewhere, frowning

Ronnie: oh no, hippies

Erin: that person driving the convertible is Renee Zellwegger pre-op

Is it Renee Zell-whats-her-face? Nah, probably not...

Alex: +1 to Erin

Ronnie: +10 for observation

Erin: zomg

Alex: BIRD ATTACK

Erin: zombie birds, this is new

Ronnie: please, someone kill the radio DJ!

Alex: this movie is officially encroaching on greatness

Erin: I hope the soldiers dance and snap their fingers some more

Ronnie: indoor bird attack!

Alex: They have all banged each other just before hopping in there jeep

Erin: we better take her to the motel! not the hospital!

Ronnie: the best thing to do with the injured is to take her to a hotel?!

Alex: what is with the soft blur sunlight in every shot

Alex: the DEATH ONE hotel

Erin: Mattei got Vaseline on the lens while he was jerking off Fulci

Ronnie: they soft focus is defecto standard in those cameras, same ones they use in soft-core porn

Alex: creeper-through-the-window pov vision brought to you by Death One

Alex: Ronnie, do you have us watching zombie porn

Ronnie: DAMMIT! How did you find out??!

Erin: watch out for the cans honey

Ronnie: Just kidding… but I can get us some if you want… 😉

Alex: please no

The highly over-reacting, bad acting, Doctor who, I may say, looks just like:

Linus Torvalds, creator of the Linux kernel.

Erin: aw, it’s a pet zombie

Ronnie: zombie grope!

Alex: I am going to download the soundtrack for this film

Alex: fucking ninja zombie!

Ronnie: aggressive zombie!

Ronnie: wait a minute… why were the zombies waiting in ambush??

Alex: pedo zomies

Ronnie: ka-BOOOOOMMMM!!!!!

Erin: it was kept there on a chain

Ronnie: ‘don’t worry’? They guys lying dying while she’s faffing about with zombies!!

Erin: if she had ever seen one of these movies she would have thrown her friend in the fire

Erin: I wanna put that doctor in a movie

Alex: I want to make an animated gif showcasing his overacting

Ronnie: either my sound is out, or there is some reeeeally bad dubbing 😀

Alex: the dubbing is atrocious

Ronnie: all that pointing was a tad unnecessary

Alex: it was mentioned in my Fulci book

Alex: there is like page upon page of how shitty this flick is

Ronnie: I’ve seen worse…

Alex: do we have nubile youth prime for murdering?

Erin: I don’t get it. A minute ago they were in a town, and now they’re in the middle of nowhere

Erin: Where are they supposed to be?

Erin: I can’t believe the birds only bit one of them

Ronnie: they were supposed to be in some holiday spot, now they seem to be in a deserted jungle motel

Alex: Alabama I think

Erin: nope, too many shirts

Alex: oh snaps

Ronnie: The sound levels are all over the place too… I have to keep turning the sound up and down to hear their bad acting

Alex: maybe Vermont

Alex: oh I didn’t tell you Ronnie?

Ronnie: can’t be the UK, it hasn’t rained yet

Alex: I watch these movies on mute.

Erin: really?

Alex: no, but if it had subtitles I’d be considering it

Erin: but then you miss out on the fun of the dialogue

Alex: he kicked the shit out of that door

Ronnie: whats with the shredded material on the roof?

Alex: it’s true and this movie lives and dies by it’s dialogue mastery

Erin: yes, I’d like to reserve the room with the drapes coming down from the entire ceiling

Alex: skin

Erin: not just the windows for me and my drapes

Ronnie: womens under-garments?

Alex: this movie is made for me

Alex: a CRATE FULL OF GUNS

Alex: fuck yes

Ronnie: a motel that happens to have a ton of guns outside it??

Alex: it was in the basement

Ronnie: Alex, this motel MUST be in your neighbourhood 😉

Alex: just a crate full of guns

Erin: okay everyone make sure you lean in close so you can get hit when the pustules on her face bust

Alex: alright we this house is suitable for a siege/defense scene

Ronnie: oh, I don’t know if they’ll have the budget for that

Alex: they must

Erin: what a time to try to lock down a new girlfriend

Ronnie: phone speaker below the chin??

Alex: I wouldn’t be locking down a new gf, just locking her down

Alex: : wink wink :

Erin: oh, so he’s saying what needs to be said

Ronnie: that’s enough of your kinky antics Mr. Alex!

Erin: man, the focus is getting worse

Erin: and don’t go to the gas station for water

Alex: this soft glow of everything is really bugging me out

Alex: It’s like I’m watching it through a fogged up window on a really sunny day

Alex: please kill this lady

Erin: hey zombies. here I am, and I’m helpless, hello!

Ronnie: it’s probably steam on the camera lens

Ronnie: no, really… as I remember reading the weather was ONE reason Fulci left

The whole movie has that soft-focus, steamed up look, it's a pain in the ASS!

Alex: I also have a nudity requirement in my contract Mr. Zombies so if you could pull my clothes off while eating me that would be for the best!

Erin: starting with my ugly pants

Alex: and my ridiculous high tops

Alex: best zombie foot makeup in history

Alex: those feet we GNARLY

Erin: damn, look at those zombies toenails!

Ronnie: part zombie, part werewolf

Alex: part lady gaga

Alex: that zombie looked a bit tranny

Ronnie: wet t-shirts! YAAYY!

Alex: VICTORY!

Alex: are they in a hot tub?

Ronnie: shame she squeals like a balloon

Alex: why is it bubbling

Erin: hot springs

Alex: oooooooooooh

Erin: or nuclear waste

Alex: SHE’S GOT NO LEGS

Alex: THAT WAS COOL

Ronnie: fastest zombie transformation EVER!

Erin: he must be one too now

Ronnie: more ambushing zombies!

Alex: they have tactics now

Erin: I’m still shocked by what happened to the chick

Ronnie: it would seem so

Alex: and how awesome it was?

Erin: yeah

Ronnie: nice Michael Jackson impersonation on that zombie there

Alex: was it raping a child?

Alex: did I miss that part?

Ronnie: no no, just the movements, not the reputation

Alex: oh thank goodness

Erin: kill the DJ!

Ronnie: +100 on that…

Alex: I’d buy that death scene for a dollar

Ronnie: ninja zombie!

Erin: I wish a zombie would pick up a gun!

Alex: I am surprised it hasn’t happened yet

Ronnie: how come the zombies are dying when they’re not even shot in the head??

Alex: shhhhhh

Alex: don’t ruin this for me ronnie

Ronnie: oh, sorry 😀

Ronnie: is she still not dead yet?

Erin: results may vary

Ronnie: FFAAACCKK!!!! Not him again!

Ronnie: WHY can’t the zombies attack the DJ!

Erin: he ain’t no Stevie Wayne

Ronnie: Stevie Wonder more like

Erin: *snicker*

Erin: flying head!

Alex: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs

Alex: FLYING SEVERED ZOMBIE HEAD!

Ronnie: flying zombie head WIN!

Erin: oh wow, thirsty for blood

Alex: I’m feeling better Patricia. But I’m thirsty…for your BLOOD!

Ronnie: ‘ruuuunnn! Get awaaayyy!!’ 😀

Erin: I never heard a zombie do a one-liner before

Alex: have you ever seen Zombie Mortal Kombat like this?

Ronnie: FINISH HIM!

Erin: oh that SUCKS!

Alex: FATALITY

Erin: jump

Ronnie: This film is pretty awesomely bad 😀

Alex: yeah it is

Alex: I am preparing to give it an unprecedented score

Erin: I can’t believe I’m still trying to follow it

Ronnie: yeah, I think you missed a bit of blusher there love…

Erin: who in the hell are these people?

Ronnie: I have NO idea…

Alex: the dudes and dudettes who found the crate of guns

Ronnie: Nice!

Alex: the “siege” house

Erin: how did the fall kill her?

Alex: that was a great jump and fall out the window

Ronnie: Shh! I said that a while back about the zombies

Alex: she hit her groin region on the way out

Alex: the 3 and 1/2 foot fall is deadly to tropical island zombies

Ronnie: she’s just concussed…

Alex: Nancy is pregnant with zombie baby

Ronnie: now THAT would be awesome!

Alex: Next week, I have the movie we outta watch

Ronnie: oh? Do tell!

Alex: it involves a scene with a pregnant lady and a zombie

Alex: and an impromptu abortion

Ronnie: I’m in!

Alex: Erin?

Erin: hmmm… maybe

Alex: I think Erin has finally blacked out

Ronnie: I think Erin has passed out… 😉

Ronnie: snap!

Alex: Zombie Siege Time!!!!

Ronnie: Attack of the Zombie Squatters!

Ronnie: They’ll take your home!

Erin: your lattices will not save you

Erin: sweet gun

Alex: FLAMETHROWER YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Ya can't beat a good bit of flame-thrower action...

Ronnie: giant flame, but it only got two of them??!

Alex: I haven’t seen a good old fashioned flamethrower in a while

Erin: looks like a meat orgy

Ronnie: yeah, can’t go wrong with a flame thrower. Very popular in the 80’s they were

Alex: remember that meat orgy we went to Erin?

Ronnie: Why not just wait until they feast then torch the lot of them?

Ronnie: head-shot!

Alex: good exploding face

Erin: yeah, Ronnie, their friend fell down and got eaten so they could get away and they wasted the opportunity

Ronnie: another ninja!

Ronnie: Jesus Christ

Erin: nurse nancy with the knife!

Alex: this movie

Alex: is

Alex: fucking GREAT

Ronnie: Hang on, WAIT A MINUTE

Ronnie: seven shots to the chest kills him, but a stake through the throat is ok?

Alex: hold the phone ronald

Alex: because

Alex: Italy man

Alex: go with the flow of Lu-CI-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Erin: there’s so much jumping down from the ceiling I keep thinking I

Erin: I’m watching a Hong Kong movie

Ronnie: I reckon Fulci did the gore bits, the rest is what-his-face

Alex: Bruno Mattei I believe

Ronnie: yeah, him

Ronnie: so they’re trailing a zombie WITH them… bizarre

Ronnie: yeah, look up… might be more ninja zombies

Ronnie: a zombie in the roof??!!

Alex: spider zombie

Zombies hiding in the roof? Oh dear...

Ronnie: and what’s an Ihaw haw Kiosk?

Erin: lol I was wondering too

Erin: Damn, I was hoping that head would bust open

Ronnie: I was hoping for a decap there

Ronnie: why are there black vertical bars down the screen all of a sudden?

Alex: I thought this was HD

Erin: I hope we get to see the military commander get eaten

Alex: I’m counting on it

Ronnie: I demand it!

Ronnie: Disinfecting with bullets

Alex: decontamination squads? more like decapitation squad!

Erin: great propaganda

Ronnie: OK so… the only NON-zombie left in the entire town is the DJ

Alex: This is all somehow Obama’s fault

Erin: of course

Ronnie: Was he maybe born in this town?

Ronnie: WAIT!

Ronnie: It’s DJ Obama!

Alex: no WHITE MAN would ever let zombies run free in a tropical paradise such as…the unnamed one we are on

Alex: IT IS DJ OBAMA

Erin: as if we knew where Obama was born, that’s a good one

Ronnie: oh no, is he gonna pump that chicken??!!!

Erin: choke that chicken, son!

Alex: he choked a bullet

Erin: I told you the Asians were behind this

Alex: when are they not?

Ronnie: the sneaky buggers

Alex: and their cheap labor

Alex: and high quality electronics

Erin: ok guys got to go, I got a phone call

Ronnie: aww… but you’ll miss the big finale!

Alex: oh no!

Erin: I know, but I’ll post a reaction

Ronnie: That doctor puts in a fine Hitler performance

Alex: yes he does

Alex: so what are you think for our finale

Alex: big shootout, maybe an explosion

Alex: zombies the world over?

Ronnie: Virus will appear elsewhere…

Alex: yay!

Alex: you know there is a Zombi 4 and 5

Ronnie: either via the atmosphere, or an escapee

Ronnie: really?!

Ronnie: oh no!

Alex: yes sir

Alex: we should probably….

Alex: PREGNANT LADY WITH ZOMBIE

Ronnie: SWEET JESUS!

Alex: called it!

Ronnie: Zombie baby! PLEEEEEASE!

Alex: it has to happen

Ronnie: did she just shout on Kenny Rodgers?

Alex: the guys with the guns who are good

Alex: are named Kenny and Roger

Alex: which is HILARIOUS

Alex: together they are…KENNY ROGERS

Ronnie: oh the irony… Kenny Rogers save the day

Ronnie: he just punched a guy who is wearing a gas mask…

Alex: zombie baby zombie baby zombie baby??!?!?!?!?

Alex: ZOMBIE BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ronnie: attacked by a zombie baby while it’s still in the womb!

Alex: brilliant

Ronnie: Erin missed the best bit…. 🙁

Alex: she really did

Alex: this movie ramped it up something fierce

Ronnie: I reckon Fulci had to be behind the zombie-baby attack

Alex: that totally seems like a Fulci thing to have happen

Alex: I concur

Ronnie: Zombi2 was awesome, and this aint bad at all. Slow starter though…

Alex: yeah Zombi 2 is one of my all-time Zombie favs

Alex: WHOA they could afford to blow up a house

Ronnie: ka BOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!

Ronnie: shame it did bugger all

Alex: underground hiding zombies!!!

Ronnie: camo-zombies!!

Alex: man these zombies are friggin’ smart

Ronnie: definitely!

Alex: did they just kinda steal a scene from Platoon?

Ronnie: I think so…

Alex: excellent

Ronnie: possibly pre-Platoon though… not sure

Alex: zombie DJ

Alex: CALLED IT

Ronnie: oh dear…

Ronnie: WHAT?!

Alex: 10 stars

Ronnie: What a pants ending!

Ronnie: -1 for the crap end

Alex: ok 9 stars

Ronnie: OK OK, I’ll be generous to it, it was fun. I’m giving it 4.5

Alex: I’m giving it a 3.5

Alex: it was silly fun

Alex: in the best way possible

Ronnie: really?

Ronnie: zombie baby, explosions…

Ronnie: although no boobs…

Alex: alright maybe a 4

Alex: you’re right, back down to 3.5

Alex: I’m holding steady at 3.5

Alex: locked in

Ronnie: You’re right, I’m being a tad harsh… 4 and not a point more

—-

Ronnie’s Rating: ★★★★☆

Alex’s Rating: ★★★½☆

Erin’s Rating: ★★★☆☆

—-

Trailer:

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About Ronnie

Having survived the UK's 'video nasty' (prohibition) era I'm eager to catch up with all previously unseen sleaze and filth. I revel in mixtape oddness, boobage, gore, and proper latex special effects, don't get me started on CGI... - email Ronnie
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One Response to Zombi 3 (1988) Fulci chat review madness!

  1. Erin says:

    Despite the bad rep of Zombi 3, I actually liked it enough to come back and finish watching it after I was interrupted, which says a lot because I am not one of those people who has to finish a movie out of some OCD. I regret missing the Kenny Rogers revelation, but anyone who has had that much plastic surgery must be among the ranks of the undead so I’m not surprised he was behind the whole thing. Seriously, though, I don’t see how this movie is any more ridiculous than The Beyond, and I didn’t like that movie at all until I found myself re-watching it. 3 stars.

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