Easter Bunny Kill! Kill! (2006) – Chat review

Easter Bunny Kill! Kill!

Easter Bunny Kill! Kill!

Plot: Remington, a murderous grifter cons his way into a mother’s heart, putting on a fatherly facade to her cherished son, Nicholas. But the second she leaves for work, a torrid of abuse rains upon the gentle boy. Remington heads out for some hookers and invites his dilettante-child molester-drug-dealer buddy over to abuse Nicholas. In the meantime, the only comfort the boy gets is in confiding with his new pet bunny. Debauchery is at hand and someone wearing the mask of the beloved holiday hopper shows up ready to deliver a blood-splattered night of unspeakable carnage. (from IMDb.com)

Alex: a bunny rabbit robbing a store
Ronnie: yeah, straight in to the ‘action’
Alex: alright
Alex: so the easter bunny isn’t a big fan of ol’ Jesus
Ronnie: but a fan of chocolate bunnies it would seem
Ronnie: yay! A ‘tard!
Alex: oh no, there is a “special” child in this film
Alex: you know he’s going to get it
Ronnie: MILF!
Alex: they are hitting all the major b-movie tropes

The MILF and the 'tard

Ronnie: what’s with the old time music?
Alex: royalty free jazz music
Ronnie: hit the ‘tard!
Ronnie: bad ‘tard!
Alex: this scene is entirely too slow
Ronnie: ‘tard fit!
Ronnie: but, yeah, faaaarrr to long on that scene
Alex: are they seriously trying to play the emotional special kid card right now?
Alex: oh wait I get it
Alex: I bet the kid turns into a psycho easter bunny killer
Alex: homeless man with a shopping cart, that also has a bunny in it
Alex: I, ugh, wow
Alex: I don’t think it’s safe for the special child to have a live animal
Ronnie: no, definitely not
Ronnie: ‘tard bitten by radio-active rabbit?
Alex: please yes
Alex: like spider-man, but with a bunny
Alex: bunny-man
Alex: has the power to look…adorable
Ronnie: Bunny-man, bunny-man, does everything… a bunny can.
Ronnie: I hope the rabbit is getting good royalties on this film…
Alex: that is a HUGE bunny
Alex: best actor in the film so far
Alex: WHOA
Alex: special kid called him mom a slut, and then mommy slapped special kid in the face!
Ronnie: best scene yet…
Ronnie: I’m sorry, but I just keep looking at her cleavage 😀
Alex: I think that’s the point
Ronnie: ah well, I don’t feel so bad then
Alex: this movie needs to go somewhere quickly, I have seen enough of the interior of this house
Ronnie: Sorry, Easter Bunny is too bust licking his balls…
Ronnie: freudian slip… meant ‘busy’ licking his balls
Alex: both statements seemed accurate
Alex: also, damn that royalty free music is back
Ronnie: ‘how retarded is he?’ 😀
Alex: “HE’S NOT RETARDED!!!”
Alex: dialogue is stunning
Ronnie: 😀
Ronnie: ‘that’d be SOOOOPER!’ 😀
Alex: thanks movie, establishing shot of the house we were just in!
Ronnie: man in underwear… NOT good!
Alex: nope
Alex: that’s raping/killing gear
Alex: wife beater and black underwear
Ronnie: either that or he’s getting killed
Ronnie: ‘Uncle Rem’
Alex: oh no he didn’t
Alex: threatening to kill the bunny
Ronnie: that’ll bring some ‘tard rage
Alex: the tv station was KRAP 37
Ronnie: Krap TV? Sounds about right
Alex: what is ever happeneing right now?
Alex: is mommy a nurse?
Ronnie: a Mexican nurse?
Alex: they have those?
Ronnie: dunno
Alex: slap #2
Ronnie: Sexy nurse…
Alex: sexy nurse just told her son “What would Jesus do?”

I want to be sick where she's working!

Alex: after hitting him in the face
Ronnie: whilst showing cleavage
Alex: this kid is abused
Ronnie: he will be in a minute
Alex: creepy guy music kicking in
Alex: a ROTARY PHONE
Ronnie: them were the days
Alex: do you guys still have those? 😀
Ronnie: nah, phased out last year 😉
Alex: along with the dial-up internet?
Ronnie: dial-up? Phased out? Why? 😀
Alex: movie update: some pedophiles are coming over that Uncle Rem invited?
Ronnie: the rabbit wonders why on earth his agent signed him on to this…
Ronnie: a ‘tard dancing to a gramophone??
Ronnie: well, that’s different

Well, there's something you don't see every day, a 'tard in bunny ears dancing to a gramophone record...

Alex: the rabbit became a member of SAG after this film
Ronnie: member of ‘sad’ during it
Alex: good one
Alex: something terrible happens to the special kid in 3…2…
Ronnie: he’s gonna skullfuck the rabbit? 😀
Alex: that was his promise
Alex: hey, has the bunny pooped or eaten anything lately?
Ronnie: not that I’ve seen so far…
Alex: evil laugh is a go!
Ronnie: I’ve seen no Easter Bunny kills at all, and at 37mins I am not impressed
Ronnie: uh oh, enter the pedo
Alex: some shit has to hit the fan soon
Ronnie: bunny nuggets, or other?
Alex: probably bunny nuggets
Ronnie: oh… is that all? 🙁
Alex: well apparently Uncle Rem is going to go out and get some hookers and cocaine
Ronnie: creepy pedo is creepy…
Alex: yeah, REALLY creepy
Ronnie: certainly the best actor thus far

Jesus, the guy's sweating like a paedoph... Oh, wait, he IS a paedophile...

Alex: we would be well served with some graphic violence right about now
Ronnie: although he doesn’t look to clever
Alex: alright
Ronnie: oh yes!
Alex: getting better…
Alex: knife in the eye socket…massive drill bit
Ronnie: drill bit rattling on the teeth, AWESOME touch!
Alex: that…is how you kill a pedo
Ronnie: indeed!
Alex: because we all know pedos can survive most mortal wounds
Alex: man this movie is so sketchy
Ronnie: Si Senor 😀
Alex: Uncle Rem loves his skanky white prostitutes
Ronnie: Do Mexicans do anything other than shout at each other?
Alex: no
Alex: kinda like chinese in chinese restaurants
Alex: I jest
Alex: I love Chinese food
Ronnie: no, you’re right! 😀
Alex: Alright so the Mexicans who were renovating their shitty house are back for their tools
Ronnie: I think his tools have been well used
Alex: which at this point should equal certain death
Ronnie: one can but hope
Alex: Mexican tool retrieval party separate, death commencing in…
Ronnie: Good to see that Mexican food affects Mexicans too
Alex: justice!
Alex: bad time to have to drop a turd though
Ronnie: ha ha… oh dear, no paper 😀
Alex: bad situation
Alex: uh oh, mighta clogged it
Ronnie: especially if he fitted it
Alex: I guess we should mention the big mexican got beaten to death with a hammer
Ronnie: yeah, but it was all in shadow, so we didn’t get any gore
Alex: 🙁
Alex: BAND-SAW!
Ronnie: band-saw up the middle!
Alex: that was pretty good
Ronnie: yeah, took a while, but it’s picking up now 🙂
Ronnie: if they’d started this rampage at the 20min mark, it’d have been perfect
Alex: would have been much better
Alex: time for the hookers to bite the dust?
Ronnie: you might want to give it a couple of minutes after that Mexican dude
Alex: oh no, was there an off screen kill?
Alex: boooooo
Ronnie: yeah, kinda
Alex: oh wait she’s alive
Alex: a lot of people are getting slapped in this movie
Ronnie: deep throat? 😀
Alex: broom in the mouth?
Alex: that bunny is stll really fat
Ronnie: lesson is… hookers like rabbits

Today's lesson: hookers like rabbits

Alex: knowledge is power
Ronnie: I like how the rabbit isn’t giving two rabbit-y shits about the murder 😀
Alex: that was a pretty damn good kill
Alex: Rabbits are gangsters
Ronnie: yeah, making use of ones surroundings
Alex: everyone knows they tough as nails
Ronnie: one, two… TEN! OPEN THE FUCKIN’ DOOR!!!
Alex: I think he skipped a few numbers
Ronnie: yeah, just a couple
Alex: WHOA SLIT THROAT
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Alex: FLASHBACK TIME!
Ronnie: bitch-slap +1
Alex: same exact bunny in the flashback from 10 years ago
Ronnie: yeah, popular breed that…
Alex: that brings the total bitchslap count up to…5 was it?
Ronnie: I believe so
Alex: is she gonna set this dude on fire!
Alex: HELL YEAH SHE IS
Ronnie: oh yes
Ronnie: ah… hence why the house may need renovated?
Alex: for 10 years though?
Ronnie: Mexican workers
Alex: true
Alex: they do take quite a while
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Alex: yup
Alex: if i was that kid
Alex: I would be happy as a pig as shit
Ronnie: OK that wasn’t so bad after all
Alex: it came together in the end nicely
Alex: it had a real 70’s sleezeball vibe
Ronnie: yeah, couple a’ nice twists here and there
Alex: the bunny got a casting credit!
Ronnie: the rabbit was called ‘Granny’?
Alex: sure was
Ronnie: I’d give it a 3.5
Ronnie: the last half saved it
Alex: I’d give a 2.5
Ronnie: that all? Wow…
Ronnie: Not even an extra .5 for his mom’s cleavage or the hookers titties?
Alex: nope!
Alex: 2.5 is a solid score
Alex: that first half dragged its knuckles too much
Ronnie: dear oh dear… you drive a hard bargain 😀
Alex: That I do

Ronnie’s Rating: ★★★½☆

Alex’s Rating: ★★½☆☆

Trailer:

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About Ronnie

Having survived the UK's 'video nasty' (prohibition) era I'm eager to catch up with all previously unseen sleaze and filth. I revel in mixtape oddness, boobage, gore, and proper latex special effects, don't get me started on CGI... - email Ronnie
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