Ghoulies (1985)
Sometimes you think back on your youth with fond memories of things. Such as when you used to walk through the forests and woodlands in the vain hope of finding a discarded porn magazine. Or maybe that was just me…
I have fond memories of films such as Critters (reviewed here in chat form by yours truly, and Alex) and Ghoulies. My memory didn’t let me down with the goodness that was Critters, and Critters II (arguably the best of the series incidentally), so let’s see how Ghoulies will fare.
The storyline is absolute nonsense, as you’d expect. It begins with a Satanic coven about to sacrifice a baby, woman steps in, saves baby, old man hides baby, baby grows up, becomes Satanist blah de blah de blah. What I remember most about Ghoulies was the impish humour of the rubbery stars.
Memory FAIL
The ‘stars’ of the movie (as I remembered them) are infact pretty badly done latex puppets with all the acting and facial ability of a Hollywood star, have absolutely no humorous parts in the movie and are, in fact, not seen that much.
And to think, I remembered these guys as being so cool and funny. I hang my head in shame...
I think my memory has tricked me by replacing the original with a sequel.
The saved baby, now an adult, inherits the house where the sacrifices took place, reads in to all the old books he finds and ends up involved in Satanism himself. For reasons unknown he calls forth a couple of uber-midgets. Behold:
Probably the creepiest thing in the entire movie...
Unfortunately he ends up resurrecting the original ‘master’ Satanist and a rather lame lightning bolt battle ensues.
Quite possibly THE most lame 'battle' EVAR!
I had such high hopes for Ghoulies. I do remember one sequel having a W.A.S.P. song (Scream Until You Like It) as it’s end theme which was pretty cool, but this first one is pretty lame I’m sad to report. The creature effects are absolute shoe-string budget and, since the storyline is awful, the acting is awful – at times nothing more than a raised eyebrow or a stern look.
Oh now embarrassing. Thankfully, I was NOT grabbed by the Ghoulies…
Rating: 
Instead, watch the video for W.A.S.P. – Scream Until You Like It… back when W.A.S.P. were good.
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