Mixtape time, yay! This time we have the Constipation Camp Video.
This mixtape begins with some loud noisy music with a visual which consists a 70’s hippy-style font scrolling up film names, Star Wars styley, whilst some ‘groovy’ kids are given a bucket of KFC from the old Colonel himself.
Next comes a rather confused looking Priest (I’ve yet to see a Priest who doesn’t look confused), a perv spying on a couple who are groping one another on a bed and a fellow pulled through some shelves in a supermarket and his head crushed in a hydraulic press-type device. Nice! After a few more bits and bobs we get a rather nice kill where some guy gets a very fast, vertical, saw across his head resulting in the inevitable brain-loss. Obviously made on a budget, but a nice effect for it’s time.
After a (rather long) scene, with that crazy Mexican-looking dude that’s been in a ton of cowboy flicks, driving his car back and forth in a garage trying to run someone down, we get a clip of a rather entrepreneurial girl who charges young hormoned-up boys to peek through at some hot chick (presumably her sister) stripping to music.
Several scenes later we get some chick tossing flammable liquids across a room igniting someone and, rather embarrassingly, igniting herself also. Stupid woman. Next is a rather long clip starring Quentin Tarrantino which was, true to Tarrantino, pretty crap. Speaking of long though, next is a scene of a woman who (conveniently) sits on a table, legs spread, screaming in terror at an incoming pointy pole which is (also inevitably) about to impale her (non-animal) beaver. This is obviously a clip from the 80’s. The evidence? Exhibit A:
You just don’t get beaver like that now-a-days, no Sir-ee!
Just near the half-way mark we catch sight of a mutant vag, some kinky hippy threesome (in a tent) followed by a lovely pair of breasts being scrubbed clean in a shower scene. Fantastic!
A creepy transformation scene is next (man > creature) then a rape scene (man > woman) with four guys who look as gay as a gay thing that’s gay’d up. BUT… finally… a sport that I think I can finally take part in:
Such a poor, unfortunate, fellow. Imagine how guilty you’d feel at being paid to have two chicks molest you. Terrible…
Under those two oiled up, busty, chicks is an ‘unfortunate’ (oiled up) man who has to play wrestle them. Looks tough, but I reckon I could put up with it. If I got paid for it, well, that’d be even better!
And we end this merry tape with an odd-looking chap having his ‘little chap’ being chopped off and tossed around a junk yard, a rather creepy looking Colonel KFC (again) then a mish-mash of quick clips from a ton of horror movies.
My only complaint with the Constipation Camp is that it’s only 56mins long. I like my zany madness to last somewhat longer, but I suppose it’s better for it to be short and sweet than be long, drawn out, and end up with (the inevitable) ET porn clip in it.