Plot: A Kansas farm is attacked by a hoard of hungry flesh-eating monsters from outer-space with razor sharp teeth and a witty attitude! The family who inhabit the farm must seek the help of a local drunk and his critter-fighting bounty hunting pals before its too late…
Alex: Maximum Security Prison ASTEROID?
Ronnie: that’s the dude from Dan Dare!
Alex: the floating dude?
Alex: that was the most efficient escape I have ever seen in a film
Ronnie: or NOT seen…
Alex: Dee Wallace Stone
Alex: we are in for a winner tonight
Alex: Google her later, you will totally know some of the… ‘classics’ she has been in
Alex: you know you’re in the country when a guy is drinking from a jar
Ronnie: didn’t have mugs in them days…
Ronnie: such a nice family…
Alex: yeah nothing like 8 minutes with the most white family on the planet
Ronnie: most stereotypical hickey family…
Alex: well, when aliens invade they always love to do it in the lands of america time has forgotten
Ronnie: radio messages on his fillings? What does he think he is, a chess player? 😀
Alex: he almost dresses like that too
Alex: goddammit Ronnie
Alex: i blame this 80’s hair metal on you
Ronnie: thanks 😀
Alex: whoa these special effects are mindblowing though
Alex: reverse face melt
Ronnie: an 80’s hair-metal bounty hunter? Well that’s different… 😀
Alex: apparently you haven’t seen the DOG the bounty hunter show
Ronnie: yeah, you’d be right there…
Alex: cue rich douchebag
Alex: this is why you don’t have kids
Ronnie: how the hell did the dad get in the house that quick?
Alex: he has that backwood Voorhees gene
Alex: he can just teleport
Alex: oh dammit even the kid has that same 80’s song on his stereo
Ronnie: that’ll be the movie anthem…
Alex: is that a young Billy Zane?
Ronnie: I believe so…
Alex: IT IS
Alex: imdb’d it real quick
Alex: this movie officially got 90 bonus points
Alex: because Billy Zane is the man
Ronnie: it might be better if I knew who Billy Zane was…
Ronnie: … is he meant to be famous?
Alex: he was in Demon Knight
Alex: The Phantom
Alex: Titanic (but we try to forget he was in that)
Ronnie: probably for the best…
Alex: he is legendary for not really doing anything
Alex: although Demon Knight is incredible, you would like it.
Ronnie: oh, well that’s nice… I think.
Ronnie: Ok, this movie is boring thus far (23mins) 🙁
Alex: yeah something needs to happen in a hurry
Alex: hopefully 80’s hair metal bounty hunter shows up
Ronnie: so far it’s been 23mins of family soap opera
Alex: this song AGAIN
Ronnie: they have remote controls?
Alex: business is about to pick up I think
Alex: I’m surprised they have TV
Ronnie: good point
Alex: apparently when you’re making out in a barn, even an earthquake doesn’t rattle you
Alex: is that a Ghostbusters logo on the back of dads bowling shirt?
Ronnie: it’s something close to it…
Alex: maybe there is hope for this film yet
Ronnie: I’m quietly confident that it won’t suck too much…
Alex: nice mutilated carcass
Alex: we’re getting closer to critter appearance
Alex: LOL they just threw a ball of fur on the road!!!
Alex: oh man I so want a GIF of that
Ronnie: waddya mean, that was top notch 80’s special effects! 😀
Alex: it looked like a basketball covered in fur
Alex: which is awesome, I won’t lie
Alex: clever edit
Alex: and transition
Ronnie: oh, wobbly cam
Alex: again how does this country bumpkin home has a trash disposal
Alex: predator cam
Alex: big in the 80’s
Alex: like the hair
Ronnie: like the hair-do’s
Ronnie: WHY is a man wearing a blue shirt with a pink collar?
Alex: My dad would wear that shirt
Alex: he recently bought a watermelon colored shirt
Ronnie: sorry, I’m anti-pink
Alex: me as well
Alex: unlesss of course it’s flesh
Alex: then I’m ok
Alex: gotta love those rotary phones
Ronnie: I remember them… 😀
Ronnie: no phone, no power….
Alex: did it take about 3 and a half hours to dial
Ronnie: nah, they were good phones them…
Alex: sturdy like a rock
Alex: they are milking the shit out of NOT showing us the damn puppets
Ronnie: absolutely, not like the flimsy stuff now-a-days
Alex: guess he won’t be bowling tonight
Ronnie: yeah, bad leg
Alex: I don’t remember them have projecticle thorns!!!!
Alex: these fuckers are dangerous
Ronnie: nor I… but it’s good none the less
Ronnie: more hair references…
Alex: for intergallatic bounty hunters, they do everything very slowly
Ronnie: yeah, they’re not the brightest
Ronnie: Jesus, are they still going at it?
Alex: and these 2 packets of hormones are still making out, through all the screaming and the ufos and the commotion
Alex: NOOOOOO NOT BILLY ZANE
Alex: those critters are actually kinda adorable
Alex: i wish its head would have exploded though
Ronnie: yeah, that would have been cool…
Alex: oh yes, a church is gonna get ripped up by a critter army!!!!!
Ronnie: *titter* he said ‘soddom’
Alex: YEAH YEAH
Ronnie: guns that look like fire extinguishers
Alex: favorite part so far
Alex: laser beams in a church, makes NO fucking sense
Ronnie: correct, but still good
Alex: ’bout time one of these COUNTRY FOLK thought of loading up one of their guns
Ronnie: they should have had them from the start
Ronnie: transform! 😀
Alex: how do you lock the door to your own HOUSE
Ronnie: the Critters did it…
Alex: oh…damn those things are smart
Alex: tiger woods of housewives
Ronnie: women + guns = bad news
Alex: yeah it is not doing a good job painting women of any age as effective combatants
Ronnie: ok, THAT was the best part
Alex: DID AN ALIEN JUST SAY FUCK!?!?!?!!?
Alex: this movie has become awesome within the last 15 minutes
Ronnie: yeah, the first 20mins was completely unnecessary
Alex: we are in 3, maybe 4 star territory now
Ronnie: notice how none of the bowlers recognise the priests face?
Alex: yeah i caught that, or the fact that the other guys is an apparently incredibly popular musician
Ronnie: true… didn’t think of that…
Alex: did you see the POUNDS of glass that exploding from that tv?
Alex: like a car crash
Ronnie: good to see the bounty hunters are keeping a low profile…
Ronnie: but that’s a good old fashioned CRT TV
Alex: i am an lcd man now
Alex: i have been converted
Ronnie: new fangled shenanigans…
Alex: yup, us kids with our rap music, and nintendo, and methamphetamine
Alex: CHECK THE WINDOWS AGAIN!!!!!!! mommy needs some lithium
Ronnie: valium for mommy…
Alex: mommy took a throrn in the neck
Alex: death by ceiling fan
Ronnie: Critter in the pan!
Alex: “they were wearing funny clothes…like they were from Los Angeles”
Alex: best quote
Alex: we have to watch all the sequels
Ronnie: three of…
Alex: i think it goes to 4
Alex: so yeah 3 more
Alex: this kid is probably the best actor in the movie
Ronnie: oh I dunno… I like the old dad guy…
Alex: yeah he is ok too, being all stubborn and shit
Alex: damn the cirtters heard their little plan
Alex: product placement
Ronnie: giant critters?!
Ronnie: uh oh, this is an A-Team moment!
Alex: and pops whipped up a friggin’ flamethrower
Alex: great american families kill aliens…together
Alex: you have to get a snapshot of the critter screwing with E.T.
Alex: that is hilarious
Alex: time for a bigtime ass kicking at the Brown residence
Ronnie: uh oh, the mom’s gone schitzo!
Alex: one of womens many hidden talents
Alex: HOLY SHIT
Alex: that front door got blown up
Ronnie: big boom!
Alex: i didn’t even realize the cat was named after the Star Wars character
Alex: this is like a movie of winks and nods
Ronnie: yeah, I noticed that… but since I don’t like Star Wars I didn’t bother with it 😀
Alex: nor do i
Alex: but cats are cute
Alex: oh man I hope the cat doesn’t get it
Ronnie: ginormous critter!
Alex: oh my goodnees gigantour critter
Alex: so E.T. with the bike
Ronnie: Bet this came out about the same time as ET
Alex: i like the mini critter hitching a ride on April
Alex: thats what she gets for wearing pink pants
Alex: does that like 12 year old kid have dynamite in his pocket?
Ronnie: yeah… he stuck them in there when he got sent to his room.
Alex: ohhh good eye i missed that
Alex: wow this movie had a nice budget to be able to blow up that house
Alex: shit this movie was great
Ronnie: I knew my memory wouldn’t let me down… 😀
Alex: Critters 3 has a very young Leonardo Dicaprio in it
Alex: we are SO watching the sequels
Ronnie: oh no… :/
Alex: oh yes
Ronnie: (I mean DiCaprio)
Alex: yea, well hopefully he gets eaten
Ronnie: how the hell did the cat survive?
Alex: you know cats are sly
Alex: they can find hiding places even from explosions
Alex: that was really impressive sepcial effects
Alex: OMG CAT IN THE MAILBOX
Ronnie: pretty damned good fx for back then
Alex: CUTEST THING EVER
Ronnie: 4 stars 😀
Alex: i agree 4 stars
Alex: that was actually the most fun I’ve had watching and oldie but goodie in a while
Ronnie: only let down by the first 20mins
Ronnie: and the crappy pop tune
Alex: yeah but what can you do
Alex: its the 80s