Bloody Movie AKA Terror Night

Actor Lance Hayward will make a comeback even if it kills you!

Actor Lance Hayward will make a comeback even if it kills you!

Wow. I couldn’t find a bad review of this movie, and I went looking for them after I watched it. Too bad I didn’ t look it up before watching it, but I fell victim to my pathological love for anything 80s.

Granted, most of the reviews were about Skinemax scream queen Michelle Bauer’s full frontal and Jamie Summers’s boobs, but naked women are supposed to be a fun part of a horror movie, not a means to distract the viewer from the fact that about a third of the movie is missing. Or maybe in this case that is why they were naked.

This movie had a good concept. Retarded teenagers break into a Hollywood mansion the night before it is to be demolished and die exactly like characters in the former owner’s movies. The deaths are pretty great, I have to say.  Not ten minutes into the movie a guy gets his hands tied to a tree and his feet tied to his own car bumper and we get a great shot of his torso coming apart while his head screams.

The problem is that someone somewhere thought the concept of incorporating silent films into the movie was a literal one. Every death is intercut with shots of fake posters from the fake movies and stock footage of real movies where a character uses the same weapon that is being used to kill the slasher fodder kids. Combined with the ginormous plotholes and the fact that the stock footage padding still only gives us a running time of 80 minutes I have to wonder if this is one of those movies that was finished with a different crew WAAAAY after shooting began, or maybe there was a terrible accident and footage was lost forever. Oh, and there are three screenwriters credited, which is never a good sign.

So if any of you who liked this movie will indulge me, I have a few questions. Is the killer the ghost of Lance Hayward, and if so, why does he walk from his mansion and break into a house to kill the last two survivors? Couldn’t he just appear wherever he wanted? How did the survivors get home? Why are they eating a cake in the next shot after they escape the mansion leaving all their dead friends behind? What happened to the entire next day after the murders? How does the ghost know which house to walk to, and what is the deal with the collie he leads around?

Another feature of this piece of crap is its overuse of old B movie actors like Alan Hale, Aldo Ray and Dan Haggerty (credited here as Daniel). The only cameo actor who does anything, other than get off work early or die, is the cop played by Cameron Mitchell, and can you really call any work he does a cameo? I don’t think that man ever turned down an acting job.  How does Mitchell know to show up at the house where the two survivors are eating cake, and why does he scream at the final girl that he wants to see her face and her eyes? Why is there surveillance outside the house who do nothing at all when a guy crashes through a window and gets skewered by a white picket fence?

I have to give this a three, unfortunately, for all the nakedness and gore, but it would have gotten a four if the makers had cared about anything other than quick money from rentals. This would have been a great choice for one of our group reviews. Much better than the Baron and the Demons, not as good as Humanoids From the Deep.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

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About Erin

I watch too many horror movies. My favorite movies include Let Sleeping Corpses Lie, A Tale of Two Sisters, Cello, 2000 Maniacs, Messiah of Evil, The Sentinel, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 and probably whatever I just watched.
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