Myself (Ronnie) and Alex (and Erin – later in the week) are going to torture ourselves, so that you don’t have to. That’s right, this week we are going to watch all four Killer Tomato films. Are we sick in the head? Oh yes, most definitely. So, we begin with the first movie, from way back in 1978…
Plot (I didn’t even know there was one! – Ronnie): After a wave of reports of mysterious attacks involving people and pets being eaten by the traditionally docile fruit, a special government task force is set up to investigate the violent veggies and put a stop to their murderous spree. Included in this crack team are a lieutenant who never goes anywhere without his parachute, an underwater expert who’s never out of his scuba gear, and a master of disguise who conceals his appearance by dressing as a black Adolf Hitler.
Alex: present day? do we all get presents?
Ronnie: you reckon that was a reverse shot?
Alex: no, not the semi-attractive redhead housewife
Alex: it was a clever reverse shot actually
Alex: it looked good
Ronnie: I’m liking the intro song…
Alex: we have to post the youtube link to the theme song, for all 3 people who read this and haven’t heard it
Ronnie: ‘Miss Potato Famine of 1922′??
Alex: I bet shes hot
Alex: these credits are hilarious “THIS SPACE AVAILABLE CALL”
Ronnie: ‘got little Timmy…’
Alex: i like how it leaves old people alone
Alex: wow they had the money to crash a real helicopter?
Alex: and a GREAT wig
Alex: super spys name is MASON DIXON
Ronnie: are they meeting in a phone box?
Alex: at least they aren’t pretending like there is a plot
Alex: this is Monty Python levels of silly
Ronnie: Monty Python indeed…
Ronnie: but tomato style…
Alex: I’m waiting for Cleese to show up with a dead bird…
Ronnie: hopefully not…
Ronnie: haha… dubbing
Alex: great the jap has come up with a half man half robot, and the dubbing is great
Alex: Tomatoes are fags
Alex: i learn something new everyday
Alex: thats guys face makes me laugh for some reason, def. getting a picture of that
Alex: yup, jaws
Alex: jawmatoes even?
Alex: how did we get to motorbikes?
Ronnie: Dunno, but there’s hot chicks…
Alex: wait, there might be boobage, I’m enticed
Alex: how about that Fairchild
Ronnie: mumbling tomatoes?
Alex: they are throwing tomatoes being thrown at the car
Ronnie: what’s with the pens! :/
Alex: The president used the Statue of Liberty as collateral
Ronnie: meh, it’s only a statue anyway…
Ronnie: (French I believe)
Alex: true, I memory serves we got that from the French
Alex: why did they just make a Superman joke
Ronnie: I’ve no idea…
Ronnie: was W Bush President when this was made??
Alex: not yet, nor his father
Ronnie: ‘those funny black ships keep sinking anyway…’
Alex: is the black master of disguise guy dessed like Hitler?
Ronnie: In a word: yes
Ronnie: Why? I do not know…
Alex: this is police academy bad
Ronnie: New York? Looks more like the Street of San Francisco…
Alex: I don’t remember trolly cars in New York…um…ever
Ronnie: so we’ve gone from scrolling ‘buy our sofas’ ads to a sing-song? Oh dear…
Alex: look to be that way
Ronnie: from an old dude with while flares on…
Alex: those pants made me a little gay just by seeing them
Ronnie: don’t forget the shirt…
Alex: she movies needs an injection of floozy women and more tomatoes attacks…
Ronnie: very true…
Ronnie: ok, now they’re pretending there’s a story to this…
Ronnie: ‘a lady of the evening’
Alex: yeah…thats usually where it all goes downhill
Ronnie: ok, it’s getting boring now…
Alex: wait, the dog is talking
Alex: oh well i guess non-descript white kid got eaten up
Alex: is that Ernest Borgnine?
Alex: ok, that scene won me back for a minute
Ronnie: for his sake, I hope not…
Alex: They are having way to much fun with the captions
Ronnie: was probably a new invention when this was made… it was 1978 after all…
Alex: along with wool suits apparently
Ronnie: that’s the 70′s for ya…
Alex: they are actually onto something with the whole Jesus Christ in commercials
Ronnie: yeah, it’d work…
Ronnie: They had planes in 1978? Holy crap…
Alex: back into the little meeting room
Alex: this scene is actually kind of clever
Ronnie: nice cutting…
Alex: splicing together 2 phone conversations to make one
Alex: that guy with the handgun is about as accurate as my dad when he plays DOOM
Ronnie: I expected the ship to sink…
Alex: THAT would have been funny
Ronnie: it needs the Benny Hill sound track…
Alex: its been needing it for a while
Alex: worst chase ever
Ronnie: yeah but it was meant to be…
Alex: I am still not getting the whole “pens” thing
Ronnie: nah, I don’t get it either…
Alex: oh fuck, musical time again
Ronnie: but getting worse!
Ronnie: ok this is just embarrassing now…
Ronnie: ooh, explosions!
Alex: well, we only got 23 minutes left
Alex: the minature city was kinda funny
Ronnie: Thank God!
Alex: you know what this makes me want to watch?
Ronnie: uh, Airplane?
Alex: no, but that movie eclipses this 10 fold
Alex: some kind of crazy Godzilla movie with really bad minature towns and robots
Ronnie: ok, the interview made me laugh…
Alex: yeah, he called the lady “no spring chicken”
Alex: +.5 stars for using the phrase “spring chicken”
Ronnie: nice cartoon sound effects…
Alex: wiley coyote should pop up any minute now….
Ronnie: I can but hope…
Alex: what the hell is even happeneing in this scene?
Ronnie: I have NO idea…
Alex: douchebag turn around twist OMG
Alex: is that blue and yellow furniture?
Alex: did people actually have that shit back in the day?
Ronnie: oh yes… it’s all being used now in Russia…
Alex: no interest in Russia
Alex: although don’t they have some pretty womenz?
Alex: I would rather hop on over to Amsterdam
Ronnie: Sometimes, yes.
Alex: UPS gets blown away
Alex: what does Puberty love have to do with anything
Ronnie: Please… no. Please don’t play Donny Osmond!
Alex: besides being a Michael Jackson Hit
Ronnie: what’s with the white guy dressed as an Arab?? :/
Alex: I noticed him too! I guess Hezbollah is gonna help fight those dastardly tomatoes
Ronnie: and someone dressed as Groucho Marx
Alex: Well, the Marx thing kind of makes sense
Ronnie: It does?
Alex: I can certainly see some Groucho influence on whomever created this…mastperiece
Ronnie: you have a point there…
Alex: This is worse than The Baron against the Demons
Alex: in case you were wondering
Alex: a tomatoes with HEADPHONES?!?!?!
Alex: very possible
Alex: that is a strong woman to pick him up like that
Alex: oh fuck me running, no more singing
Ronnie: not half! Maybe they used wires…
Ronnie: I’m dropping it .5 for the singing crap…
Alex: so it gets a 0 then?
Ronnie: no no…
Ronnie: well… it was funny (in places) and didn’t even try to be serious (pro’s), but the singing and lack of boobs is a definite con…
Alex: it needed some gore as well
Alex: even terrible gore
Ronnie: but, still, I’m giving it a 2
Alex: I’ll go 1
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes intro theme: