The Baron Against The Demons (aka: El barón contra los Demonios) triple chat/review goodness!

The Baron Against The Demons, aka: El barón contra los Demonios (2006)

The Baron Against The Demons, aka: El barón contra los Demonios (2006)

Erin: that’s a baaaaad wig

Alex: Castle, Fog, are we in Scotland Ronnie?

Ronnie: If it’s a castle, and ruined… it’s Scotland 😀

Erin: That looks like George Lucas

Ronnie: hip flask… it’s Glasgow! 😀

Ronnie: what’s with the posh English accents

Alex: shhhhhh! doesn’t matter

Ronnie: that was quite possibly the worst voice over… EVER!

Erin: nice eyebrows

Alex: yesssss, these puppets are awesome

Erin: awesomely squeaky

Ronnie: small drawer, big squeak

Alex: RAGNAROK!!!!! they are just taking things from video games

Erin: Lady Pervertem?

Ronnie: Either that or it’s She-Ra

Hang on, there's been a mix-up... that's not She-Ra!

Hang on, there's been a mix-up... that's not She-Ra!

Erin: WOW

Alex: what is not to love about this so far?

Ronnie: I predict boobage…

Erin: I think I’m ahead of you guys

Alex: weird puppets bondage boobage

Erin: giant puppet boobs

Ronnie: puppet boobage… not good enough

Alex: I like the aluminum foil casing for the heart

Ronnie: it was a foetus!

A foetus in tinfoil... the latest in back-street abortions

A foetus in tinfoil... the latest in back-street abortions

Ronnie: Killer Clowns??

Erin: with blue hair

Alex: this is like Meet the Feebles meets….Star Wars and LoTR?

Ronnie: Foetus in tinfoil… gotta love it

Erin: the scorpion lady had squeaky puppet boobs

Erin: has

Ronnie: oh oh! Fashion quip

Alex: penis grab!

Ronnie: did he just say Scotland??

Alex: well, they did already say Brittainy

It's set in Scotland, near Inverness? Oh dear, I forsee sheep rape...

It's set in Scotland, near Inverness? Oh dear, I forsee sheep rape...

Ronnie: is it just me, or does he look like George Lucas?

Erin: It’s just you

Ronnie: Thanks

Alex: a young one

Alex: I want that wig

Erin: This is the worst movie I’ve ever seen

Alex: “This fucker is really getting to me, must be a Virgo” best quote yet

Alex: have you ever seen Batman and Robin?

Ronnie: bowMAN is an appropriate name

Erin: did he just get ass-raped by puppets?

Alex: they are sodomites

Erin: They said Inverness

Ronnie: that explains the buggery then 😀

Ronnie: ménage-a-trios?

Erin: naked dudes smoking a joint

Erin: best part of the movie

Alex: I still like the creepy full body puppets ladies

Ronnie: you would… you’d buy one!

Alex: ….maybe

Alex: I wouldn’t even have to feed it

Ronnie: bare ass!

Bare ass! Yay for Bowman!

Bare ass! Yay for Bowman!

Alex: that is her rescue gear

Alex: the guy with the tight dreadlocks and the beady eyes is cool looking

Ronnie: oh no, it’s a Nintendo Virtual Glove!!!

Erin: with hoses for fingers

Erin: I’ve never seen a movie about keeping a man’s virginity, I can say that

Alex: one week we will find a movie that doesn’t have a sperm/penis/rape sub-plot

Alex: I didn’t even know this one had that

Ronnie: not while you’re here! 😀

Ronnie: liar! 😀

Erin: I wish I was not ahead of you

Erin: Ya’ll are about to see something gross

Alex: I just saw it

Ronnie: I’m bleaching my eyes…

Alex: the penis blood fountain

A makeshift penis, rammed in to his groin, spewing blood on to Lady Pervertum...

A makeshift penis, rammed in to his groin, spewing blood on to Lady Pervertum...

Erin: Yep.

Alex: …I’ll take the blame for this one

Ronnie: you’re GETTING the blame!! 😀

Erin: And the good guys are religious fanatics

Alex: hey, the trailer looked good

Alex: I didn’t know George Lucas and a guy in a bad wig talking ’bout Jesus we gonna be killing rapist

Ronnie: well, I can answer all that lady… it’s Scotland, so it’s just all sheep and mountains 😀

Erin: That scorpion woman will fuck anything

Ronnie: gotta respect her for that… 😀

See my comment later about 'does that monster have a penis on it's head' - it DOES!

See my comment later about 'does that monster have a penis on it's head' - it DOES!

Alex: Lady Pervertum is living up to her billing

Alex: I should give her my phone number

Ronnie: so they’re all nympho’s? :/

Alex: I…: hangs head in shame :

Erin: At least everyone got a good bikini wax

Ronnie: this is pretty awful, but at least it has more niceties in it than Bread & Circus!

Alex: aren’t they called Brazilians nowadays?

Erin: Have we seen the demons yet?

Alex: Is Lady Pevertum a demon?

Erin: She is underground…

Alex: and we all know the devils is fun

Alex: she seems pretty fun to me

Erin: I still think Terry Gilliam had a hand in this

Alex: I would be a little afraid if he did

Erin: We have a good guy pilot with a robotic arm and George Lucas too. Is this movie Turkish?

Ronnie: that smoke is definitely a health and safety issue…

Ronnie: bad hair day…

Alex: yeah seriously, what happened to her hair

Alex: oh no Bowman is shot

Alex: so the little clown rapists are robots?

Ronnie: ooooopss!

Erin: I like the flat lava

Ronnie: the entire lair is made of giant lollipop sticks…

Alex: and leftover wood

Erin: All the worst people are horny women. This movie is sexist and puppetist.

Alex: this is like power rangers gone bad

Ronnie: after (last weeks movie) B&C, you have a cheek Erin!!! 😀

Erin: Two of em

Alex: that is a sturdy wig

Ronnie: there was more than just two in C&B! 😀

Alex: the dummy on a chain had me going

Erin: At least the human females have nice butts

Erin: have you seen the vomiting yet?

Alex: I just did

Ronnie: it has carrots

Alex: super slut lady is a telepath

Alex: interesting

Ronnie: is that a penis on top if that big aliens head???!

Erin: She fucked the baron and then took his sperm to knock up a hermaphrodite alien

Alex: I really hope not

Erin: Yes, it’s a penis

Ronnie: I’ll be checking when I take the screens 😀

Erin: Wow, the Baron’s wound is realistic

Ronnie: Christ, she’s a good shot!

Alex: Olympic Javelin thrower and sex addict

Erin: He just said “verily I say unto you the end is nigh.”

Alex: I was trying to block that out

Erin: I think this is a Christian scare film

Ronnie: woe-betide!!

Ronnie: woe-betide thee!!!

Erin: Woe betide me

Alex: what the purpose is this scene serving?

Ronnie: consider yourself woe-bedtid-ed

Erin: Its the shower scene

Ronnie: I expected it to be some sort of golden shower

Alex: your welcome Erin

Ronnie: she just said ‘ride’ 😀

Alex: I found a movie that makes Bread and Circus look like Schindler’s List

Erin: for the last time

Erin: No, they’re both bad in their own special ways

Alex: this is worse though, by far

Ronnie: this gets a higher rating than B&C

Alex: unless they pull some kind of miraculous turn around

Erin: That was highbrow crap and this is lowbrow crap

Alex: SACK MOUNTAIN

Erin: They’re both cheap crap

Ronnie: *snigger*

Alex: CNN is on the scene

Alex: you can tell because it is filmed in….green

Ronnie: River Jordan… more Biblical stuff…

Ronnie: 1sec cleaveage shot 😀

Erin: And there is a green screen behind them

Alex: i appreciated that cleavage shot

The best part of the whole movie...

The best part of the whole movie...

Erin: Until the camera panned to her nose

Alex: I think i will have to watch something where religion is the bad guy after this, just to set myself straight

Ronnie: I think we all need to do ten Hail Mary’s 😀

Erin: I think I’ll have to watch some expensive porn

Alex: Ronnie look, BAGPIPES

Ronnie: yeah, fake ones at that…

Alex: Was Lady Pervertum just carrying Lindsay Lohan?

Ronnie: I think so!

Ronnie: Either that or Victoria Beckham

Erin: Nah, that dessicated corpse was too fat

Alex: holy shit, please no podracing scenes

Ronnie: but he’s just a head!

Erin: The head of Beavis

Ronnie: hahaha… so it is!

It's a flying Beavis!

It's a flying Beavis!

Erin: I think someone just said something about Templars

Ronnie: heaving cleavage!

Erin: Maybe the Blind Dead will ride out and kill everyone on all sides

Alex: we can only hope

Alex: Willem Defoe?

Alex: he looks like that head dude

Erin: Good thing he doesn’t have a body to expose

Alex: when did he get a pink streak in his hair?

Erin: Its blood

Ronnie: when he joined Poison 😀

Alex: nah, he would be in Warrant

Alex: not good enough for Poison

Erin: Satan has a vile lair on the 9th planet

Ronnie: I always wondered where Satan was…

Alex: can we move to the 9th planet?

Erin: Oh no

Erin: I think we are going to see monster puppet vag soon

Ronnie: I think so too

Alex: I’m ready…

Alex: epic battle between….14 people

Ronnie: who aren’t even bothering to take cover…

Erin: The bagpipers are there to raise morale by dying

Alex: pretty obvious a Brit made this film

Ronnie: they’re there to get hit first

Ronnie: a Bible basher whoever he/she may be!

Alex: great looking tank

Alex: please don’t call it a Necronomicon

Alex: MONSTER VAG

Erin: Yep

Ronnie: not yet!

Alex: really….this song?

Ronnie: more classical music being defiled!

Erin: The movie looks better through the green cam

Ronnie: Attack Of The 50ft Caterpillar!

Apparently, Satan, is a giant semi-transparent caterpillar... strange.

Apparently, Satan, is a giant semi-transparent caterpillar... strange.

Ronnie: all bow before Beavis!

Erin: Yay gore!

Alex: my movie picking privileges are suspended

Ronnie: yay indeed!

Alex: that gore was a nice surprsise though

Alex: exploding head

Ronnie: this has gone all War of the Worlds-ish

Erin: Well, I’m not allowed to pick a movie for 100 years

Alex: I wanna see ‘Humanoids From The Deep‘ next week

Ronnie: OK 🙂

Erin: Yeah, at least there will be real boobs

Ronnie: why does he keep talking to himself!

Alex: Shakespeare wrote this

Erin: Its a soliloquy!

Alex: fuckload of internal dialogue

Alex: YAY i actually remembered something from high school

Alex: besides hot to roll a joint and racist jokes?

Alex: she lost her hand

Ronnie: both!

Alex: what the fuck is happening

Erin: Did you learn to roll a joint in art or horticulture

Ronnie: I. Have. No. Idea…

Alex: Art

Erin: I think someone said Son of a Thousand Bitches

Ronnie: they did indeed

Ronnie: Barbie is getting spit-roasted!

Alex: these little guys are interesting

Erin: I think he was in Warrant

Alex: creepy too

Ronnie: shame they all have Monty Python voices…

Alex: now all we need is DIO to show up

Ronnie: Dio is pretty cool though…

Erin: Yeah, he would fix this with the thing from the Holy Diver vid

Alex: yeah, but he is old anf fun to laugh at

Ronnie: yeah, the Dio mascot would kick all ass…

The Dio mascot kicking preacher ass...

The Dio mascot kicking preacher ass...

Alex: Cannibal Holocaust reference?

Alex: with Pervertum on a stick?

Ronnie: possibly

Alex: WHOOOOAAA

Erin: We have a giant monster peeing

Alex: AWESOME full body demon/werewolf suits

Erin: What is it with you and cosplay?

Ronnie: why, oh why is that scene even there??!!

The anti-Christ (or whatever) taking a leek... in public!! *gasp!*

The anti-Christ (or whatever) taking a leek... in public!! *gasp!*

Alex: I just like a big suit

Alex: cosplay is awesome

Erin: Well next time you feel like a big suit

Erin: Let’s watch Stop Making Sense

Ronnie: no Alex, your ‘cosplay’ is called ‘cross-dressing’ 😀

Alex: I am only Alexandra on the weekend when I go to D.C.

Erin: LOFL!

Alex: is Stop Making Sense good Erin?

Erin: It’s incredible

Alex: Actually, I gotta call this guy Bill back

Alex: he might have gotten the wrong signals

Erin: Slick Willie?

Alex: yup

Alex: hold on

Alex: Baron vs Demon fight

Erin: Just keep the dress

Alex: actually kinda cool

Alex: I prefer Halter tops

Alex: it makes my milkshake brings the boys to the yard

Erin: Now I’m confused. I think the woman who fell in the lava is alive

Alex: : shrugs : I just pay attention when things go kaboom

Erin: The demon has a little dick

Ronnie: it’s like that video game, Black & White 😀

Alex: but with dicks

Alex: Black and White was amazing tho

Ronnie: oh yeah… :/

Alex: this is not

Alex: you figure a demon would have a huge penis

Erin: Kaboom

Erin: Yeah

Alex: The fancy bong is broken, noooooo

Ronnie: hahaha

Ronnie: catchy name…

Erin: Are they trying for a twist?

Alex: The Baron was a video game or a clone?

Alex: do we care?

Erin: This has been a test…

Alex: of our collective tolerance to watch anything

Erin: *snicker*

Ronnie: guilty as charged…

Alex: and unprecedented ability to squeeze a little fun out of even the biggest piles of shit

Erin: I was depressed when the movie started

Alex: now you’re suicidal?

Erin: It is amazing what feeling superior to something will do for the psyche

Alex: or hungry?

Alex: because I’m hungry

Erin: I have an evil grin

Alex: and a “muhahahahahahahahaha”

Ronnie: I’m peckish too…

Erin: And I’m hungry

Erin: But the movie has frozen on some blueprints of a hand

Erin: How did it end?

Alex: inside the demon

Alex: there is another little girl creature with big tits for some reason

Ronnie: bizarre foetus with boobs!

Ronnie: or was, until the Baron gave it a coat hanger abortion…

Erin: I thought the thing the Baron chopped up was the fetus

Erin: He’s not dead yet?

Ronnie: must have been twins… (I dunno)

Alex: well inside the fetus appeared yet another God damn fetus

Alex: and it was awkward

Ronnie: now the mother-ship is abandoning the Baron

Erin: So the little girl was born pregnant

Erin: She has some ‘splainin to do

A foetus with giant boobs... different.

A foetus with giant boobs... different.

Ronnie: definitely… but it’s no surprise, teenage pregnancies are ten a penny in Scotland

Erin: OK, the baron is red and some heroic music is playing

Alex: yeah, getting knocked up is the new dating

Alex: even for demons

Ronnie: yeah, the Baron’s about to cop it…

Alex: i hope so

Alex: gory and slow too

Alex: epilogue time!

Alex: whoa a black KKK member

Well there's something you don't see every day...

Well there's something you don't see every day...

Erin: Why are we always watching a movie about aliens and birth?

Ronnie: Alex’s fault

Alex: heyyyyyy….

Ronnie: an alien with a stammer!

Erin: The head bad guy is waxing his brows

Ronnie: while listening in on peoples confessions…

Alex: you know

Alex: i have to say

Alex: this does basically suck, but it has a fair amount of attention to detail

Ronnie: ‘sorry’?

Erin: This is the worst version of the Apostles’ Creed ever

Alex: and yes, sorry lol

Ronnie: Amen!

Alex: please…..end

Ronnie: 5mins left

Erin: A mixture of the Apostles’ Creed and the Gloria Patri with some Jedi nonsense

Ronnie: Christ, is he still not dead??!!

Erin: That’s the whole point

Alex: I would rather watch Star Wars

Alex: at least I could nap during that

Erin: This monkey’s gone to heaven

Ronnie: Oh yeah… it’s his corpse then?

Ronnie: Wha??

Erin: God botherers to the end!

Ronnie: so how come the Baron is alive??!

Alex: maybe he is in heaven

Alex: because his hair went back to normal

Erin: They are in spirit form

Ronnie: but that’d mean the robot-hand guy is dead too?

Erin: Yeah, he got executed off camera

Erin: The budget ran out

Ronnie: There was one? 😀

Erin: Someone had to buy the foam rubber tits.

Alex: they spent it all on the puppet penis

Ronnie: which one?! Yet again, another film with penii!

Alex: next week, no penis, no weird aliens with gaping vaginas

Alex: just normal, humans having sex, smoking dope, and then dying

Erin: According to IMDB, they took a short film from 1996 and stretched it into what we just saw with editing

Ronnie: Jesus, impressive editing then…

Alex: i wish i had read that beforehand

Erin: I wonder which part was the old part

Ronnie: I wish you had too…

Ronnie: so… scores… 😀

Erin: I give it a fuckadoodledoo

Ronnie: not even a .5? 😀

Alex: 1 pound of asscheese

Alex: I give it 1 star

Ronnie: I’m giving it a 3

Ronnie: but since we got not boobs last week, or this week, it’s dropped to a 2

Ronnie: what’s your rating Erin? A zero?

Erin: I give it a 2

Alex: people are gonna think I’m such a dick always giving out 1’s

Ronnie: no comment 😀

Alex: I am the curmudgeon

Erin: My husband just walked in with Chinese food, Return to Horror High and Deathproof

Ronnie: can we stay for dinner? 😀

Alex: holy fuck Erin

Alex: Return to Horror High, and Deathproof?

Alex: I’d marry him

Ronnie’s Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Erin’s Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Alex’s Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

The trailer (don’t let it deceive you!)

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About Ronnie

Having survived the UK's 'video nasty' (prohibition) era I'm eager to catch up with all previously unseen sleaze and filth. I revel in mixtape oddness, boobage, gore, and proper latex special effects, don't get me started on CGI... - email Ronnie
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2 Responses to The Baron Against The Demons (aka: El barón contra los Demonios) triple chat/review goodness!

  1. hoobagail says:

    WOW!! How do you keep finding such shit? If horrible movies were gold you guys would be Fort Knox. There is a fine line between Bad/ Good movies and Bad/Bad movies and “You just crossed it!”.
    Thanks for the laughs!

  2. Ronnie says:

    ma’am, we’re professionals 😀

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