Erin: that’s a baaaaad wig
Alex: Castle, Fog, are we in Scotland Ronnie?
Ronnie: If it’s a castle, and ruined… it’s Scotland
Erin: That looks like George Lucas
Ronnie: hip flask… it’s Glasgow!
Ronnie: what’s with the posh English accents
Alex: shhhhhh! doesn’t matter
Ronnie: that was quite possibly the worst voice over… EVER!
Erin: nice eyebrows
Alex: yesssss, these puppets are awesome
Erin: awesomely squeaky
Ronnie: small drawer, big squeak
Alex: RAGNAROK!!!!! they are just taking things from video games
Erin: Lady Pervertem?
Ronnie: Either that or it’s She-Ra
Alex: what is not to love about this so far?
Ronnie: I predict boobage…
Erin: I think I’m ahead of you guys
Alex: weird puppets bondage boobage
Erin: giant puppet boobs
Ronnie: puppet boobage… not good enough
Alex: I like the aluminum foil casing for the heart
Ronnie: it was a foetus!
Ronnie: Killer Clowns??
Erin: with blue hair
Alex: this is like Meet the Feebles meets….Star Wars and LoTR?
Ronnie: Foetus in tinfoil… gotta love it
Erin: the scorpion lady had squeaky puppet boobs
Ronnie: oh oh! Fashion quip
Alex: penis grab!
Ronnie: did he just say Scotland??
Alex: well, they did already say Brittainy
Ronnie: is it just me, or does he look like George Lucas?
Erin: It’s just you
Alex: a young one
Alex: I want that wig
Erin: This is the worst movie I’ve ever seen
Alex: “This fucker is really getting to me, must be a Virgo” best quote yet
Alex: have you ever seen Batman and Robin?
Ronnie: bowMAN is an appropriate name
Erin: did he just get ass-raped by puppets?
Alex: they are sodomites
Erin: They said Inverness
Ronnie: that explains the buggery then
Erin: naked dudes smoking a joint
Erin: best part of the movie
Alex: I still like the creepy full body puppets ladies
Ronnie: you would… you’d buy one!
Alex: I wouldn’t even have to feed it
Ronnie: bare ass!
Alex: that is her rescue gear
Alex: the guy with the tight dreadlocks and the beady eyes is cool looking
Ronnie: oh no, it’s a Nintendo Virtual Glove!!!
Erin: with hoses for fingers
Erin: I’ve never seen a movie about keeping a man’s virginity, I can say that
Alex: one week we will find a movie that doesn’t have a sperm/penis/rape sub-plot
Alex: I didn’t even know this one had that
Ronnie: not while you’re here!
Erin: I wish I was not ahead of you
Erin: Ya’ll are about to see something gross
Alex: I just saw it
Ronnie: I’m bleaching my eyes…
Alex: the penis blood fountain
Alex: …I’ll take the blame for this one
Ronnie: you’re GETTING the blame!!
Erin: And the good guys are religious fanatics
Alex: hey, the trailer looked good
Alex: I didn’t know George Lucas and a guy in a bad wig talking ’bout Jesus we gonna be killing rapist
Ronnie: well, I can answer all that lady… it’s Scotland, so it’s just all sheep and mountains
Erin: That scorpion woman will fuck anything
Ronnie: gotta respect her for that…
Alex: Lady Pervertum is living up to her billing
Alex: I should give her my phone number
Ronnie: so they’re all nympho’s? :/
Alex: I…: hangs head in shame :
Erin: At least everyone got a good bikini wax
Ronnie: this is pretty awful, but at least it has more niceties in it than Bread & Circus!
Alex: aren’t they called Brazilians nowadays?
Erin: Have we seen the demons yet?
Alex: Is Lady Pevertum a demon?
Erin: She is underground…
Alex: and we all know the devils is fun
Alex: she seems pretty fun to me
Erin: I still think Terry Gilliam had a hand in this
Alex: I would be a little afraid if he did
Erin: We have a good guy pilot with a robotic arm and George Lucas too. Is this movie Turkish?
Ronnie: that smoke is definitely a health and safety issue…
Ronnie: bad hair day…
Alex: yeah seriously, what happened to her hair
Alex: oh no Bowman is shot
Alex: so the little clown rapists are robots?
Erin: I like the flat lava
Ronnie: the entire lair is made of giant lollipop sticks…
Alex: and leftover wood
Erin: All the worst people are horny women. This movie is sexist and puppetist.
Alex: this is like power rangers gone bad
Ronnie: after (last weeks movie) B&C, you have a cheek Erin!!!
Erin: Two of em
Alex: that is a sturdy wig
Ronnie: there was more than just two in C&B!
Alex: the dummy on a chain had me going
Erin: At least the human females have nice butts
Erin: have you seen the vomiting yet?
Alex: I just did
Ronnie: it has carrots
Alex: super slut lady is a telepath
Ronnie: is that a penis on top if that big aliens head???!
Erin: She fucked the baron and then took his sperm to knock up a hermaphrodite alien
Alex: I really hope not
Erin: Yes, it’s a penis
Ronnie: I’ll be checking when I take the screens
Erin: Wow, the Baron’s wound is realistic
Ronnie: Christ, she’s a good shot!
Alex: Olympic Javelin thrower and sex addict
Erin: He just said “verily I say unto you the end is nigh.”
Alex: I was trying to block that out
Erin: I think this is a Christian scare film
Ronnie: woe-betide thee!!!
Erin: Woe betide me
Alex: what the purpose is this scene serving?
Ronnie: consider yourself woe-bedtid-ed
Erin: Its the shower scene
Ronnie: I expected it to be some sort of golden shower
Alex: your welcome Erin
Ronnie: she just said ‘ride’
Alex: I found a movie that makes Bread and Circus look like Schindler’s List
Erin: for the last time
Erin: No, they’re both bad in their own special ways
Alex: this is worse though, by far
Ronnie: this gets a higher rating than B&C
Alex: unless they pull some kind of miraculous turn around
Erin: That was highbrow crap and this is lowbrow crap
Alex: SACK MOUNTAIN
Erin: They’re both cheap crap
Alex: CNN is on the scene
Alex: you can tell because it is filmed in….green
Ronnie: River Jordan… more Biblical stuff…
Ronnie: 1sec cleaveage shot
Erin: And there is a green screen behind them
Alex: i appreciated that cleavage shot
Erin: Until the camera panned to her nose
Alex: I think i will have to watch something where religion is the bad guy after this, just to set myself straight
Ronnie: I think we all need to do ten Hail Mary’s
Erin: I think I’ll have to watch some expensive porn
Alex: Ronnie look, BAGPIPES
Ronnie: yeah, fake ones at that…
Alex: Was Lady Pervertum just carrying Lindsay Lohan?
Ronnie: I think so!
Ronnie: Either that or Victoria Beckham
Erin: Nah, that dessicated corpse was too fat
Alex: holy shit, please no podracing scenes
Ronnie: but he’s just a head!
Erin: The head of Beavis
Ronnie: hahaha… so it is!
Erin: I think someone just said something about Templars
Ronnie: heaving cleavage!
Erin: Maybe the Blind Dead will ride out and kill everyone on all sides
Alex: we can only hope
Alex: Willem Defoe?
Alex: he looks like that head dude
Erin: Good thing he doesn’t have a body to expose
Alex: when did he get a pink streak in his hair?
Erin: Its blood
Ronnie: when he joined Poison
Alex: nah, he would be in Warrant
Alex: not good enough for Poison
Erin: Satan has a vile lair on the 9th planet
Ronnie: I always wondered where Satan was…
Alex: can we move to the 9th planet?
Erin: Oh no
Erin: I think we are going to see monster puppet vag soon
Ronnie: I think so too
Alex: I’m ready…
Alex: epic battle between….14 people
Ronnie: who aren’t even bothering to take cover…
Erin: The bagpipers are there to raise morale by dying
Alex: pretty obvious a Brit made this film
Ronnie: they’re there to get hit first
Ronnie: a Bible basher whoever he/she may be!
Alex: great looking tank
Alex: please don’t call it a Necronomicon
Alex: MONSTER VAG
Ronnie: not yet!
Alex: really….this song?
Ronnie: more classical music being defiled!
Erin: The movie looks better through the green cam
Ronnie: Attack Of The 50ft Caterpillar!
Ronnie: all bow before Beavis!
Erin: Yay gore!
Alex: my movie picking privileges are suspended
Ronnie: yay indeed!
Alex: that gore was a nice surprsise though
Alex: exploding head
Ronnie: this has gone all War of the Worlds-ish
Erin: Well, I’m not allowed to pick a movie for 100 years
Alex: I wanna see ‘Humanoids From The Deep‘ next week
Erin: Yeah, at least there will be real boobs
Ronnie: why does he keep talking to himself!
Alex: Shakespeare wrote this
Erin: Its a soliloquy!
Alex: fuckload of internal dialogue
Alex: YAY i actually remembered something from high school
Alex: besides hot to roll a joint and racist jokes?
Alex: she lost her hand
Alex: what the fuck is happening
Erin: Did you learn to roll a joint in art or horticulture
Ronnie: I. Have. No. Idea…
Erin: I think someone said Son of a Thousand Bitches
Ronnie: they did indeed
Ronnie: Barbie is getting spit-roasted!
Alex: these little guys are interesting
Erin: I think he was in Warrant
Alex: creepy too
Ronnie: shame they all have Monty Python voices…
Alex: now all we need is DIO to show up
Ronnie: Dio is pretty cool though…
Erin: Yeah, he would fix this with the thing from the Holy Diver vid
Alex: yeah, but he is old anf fun to laugh at
Ronnie: yeah, the Dio mascot would kick all ass…
Alex: Cannibal Holocaust reference?
Alex: with Pervertum on a stick?
Erin: We have a giant monster peeing
Alex: AWESOME full body demon/werewolf suits
Erin: What is it with you and cosplay?
Ronnie: why, oh why is that scene even there??!!
Alex: I just like a big suit
Alex: cosplay is awesome
Erin: Well next time you feel like a big suit
Erin: Let’s watch Stop Making Sense
Ronnie: no Alex, your ‘cosplay’ is called ‘cross-dressing’
Alex: I am only Alexandra on the weekend when I go to D.C.
Alex: is Stop Making Sense good Erin?
Erin: It’s incredible
Alex: Actually, I gotta call this guy Bill back
Alex: he might have gotten the wrong signals
Erin: Slick Willie?
Alex: hold on
Alex: Baron vs Demon fight
Erin: Just keep the dress
Alex: actually kinda cool
Alex: I prefer Halter tops
Alex: it makes my milkshake brings the boys to the yard
Erin: Now I’m confused. I think the woman who fell in the lava is alive
Alex: : shrugs : I just pay attention when things go kaboom
Erin: The demon has a little dick
Ronnie: it’s like that video game, Black & White
Alex: but with dicks
Alex: Black and White was amazing tho
Ronnie: oh yeah… :/
Alex: this is not
Alex: you figure a demon would have a huge penis
Alex: The fancy bong is broken, noooooo
Ronnie: catchy name…
Erin: Are they trying for a twist?
Alex: The Baron was a video game or a clone?
Alex: do we care?
Erin: This has been a test…
Alex: of our collective tolerance to watch anything
Ronnie: guilty as charged…
Alex: and unprecedented ability to squeeze a little fun out of even the biggest piles of shit
Erin: I was depressed when the movie started
Alex: now you’re suicidal?
Erin: It is amazing what feeling superior to something will do for the psyche
Alex: or hungry?
Alex: because I’m hungry
Erin: I have an evil grin
Alex: and a “muhahahahahahahahaha”
Ronnie: I’m peckish too…
Erin: And I’m hungry
Erin: But the movie has frozen on some blueprints of a hand
Erin: How did it end?
Alex: inside the demon
Alex: there is another little girl creature with big tits for some reason
Ronnie: bizarre foetus with boobs!
Ronnie: or was, until the Baron gave it a coat hanger abortion…
Erin: I thought the thing the Baron chopped up was the fetus
Erin: He’s not dead yet?
Ronnie: must have been twins… (I dunno)
Alex: well inside the fetus appeared yet another God damn fetus
Alex: and it was awkward
Ronnie: now the mother-ship is abandoning the Baron
Erin: So the little girl was born pregnant
Erin: She has some ‘splainin to do
Ronnie: definitely… but it’s no surprise, teenage pregnancies are ten a penny in Scotland
Erin: OK, the baron is red and some heroic music is playing
Alex: yeah, getting knocked up is the new dating
Alex: even for demons
Ronnie: yeah, the Baron’s about to cop it…
Alex: i hope so
Alex: gory and slow too
Alex: epilogue time!
Alex: whoa a black KKK member
Erin: Why are we always watching a movie about aliens and birth?
Ronnie: Alex’s fault
Ronnie: an alien with a stammer!
Erin: The head bad guy is waxing his brows
Ronnie: while listening in on peoples confessions…
Alex: you know
Alex: i have to say
Alex: this does basically suck, but it has a fair amount of attention to detail
Erin: This is the worst version of the Apostles’ Creed ever
Alex: and yes, sorry lol
Ronnie: 5mins left
Erin: A mixture of the Apostles’ Creed and the Gloria Patri with some Jedi nonsense
Ronnie: Christ, is he still not dead??!!
Erin: That’s the whole point
Alex: I would rather watch Star Wars
Alex: at least I could nap during that
Erin: This monkey’s gone to heaven
Ronnie: Oh yeah… it’s his corpse then?
Erin: God botherers to the end!
Ronnie: so how come the Baron is alive??!
Alex: maybe he is in heaven
Alex: because his hair went back to normal
Erin: They are in spirit form
Ronnie: but that’d mean the robot-hand guy is dead too?
Erin: Yeah, he got executed off camera
Erin: The budget ran out
Ronnie: There was one?
Erin: Someone had to buy the foam rubber tits.
Alex: they spent it all on the puppet penis
Ronnie: which one?! Yet again, another film with penii!
Alex: next week, no penis, no weird aliens with gaping vaginas
Alex: just normal, humans having sex, smoking dope, and then dying
Erin: According to IMDB, they took a short film from 1996 and stretched it into what we just saw with editing
Ronnie: Jesus, impressive editing then…
Alex: i wish i had read that beforehand
Erin: I wonder which part was the old part
Ronnie: I wish you had too…
Ronnie: so… scores…
Erin: I give it a fuckadoodledoo
Ronnie: not even a .5?
Alex: 1 pound of asscheese
Alex: I give it 1 star
Ronnie: I’m giving it a 3
Ronnie: but since we got not boobs last week, or this week, it’s dropped to a 2
Ronnie: what’s your rating Erin? A zero?
Erin: I give it a 2
Alex: people are gonna think I’m such a dick always giving out 1′s
Ronnie: no comment
Alex: I am the curmudgeon
Erin: My husband just walked in with Chinese food, Return to Horror High and Deathproof
Ronnie: can we stay for dinner?
Alex: holy fuck Erin
Alex: Return to Horror High, and Deathproof?
Alex: I’d marry him
The trailer (don’t let it deceive you!)