Humanoids From The Deep – review chat

Humanoids From The Deep

Humanoids From The Deep

(alleged) Plot: Scientific experiments backfire and produce horrific mutations: halfman, halffish which terrorize a small fishing village by killing the men and raping the women.

Ronnie: only 35 secs in and I like the intro
Ronnie: … and the fact that it has the legendary (bad) Doug McClure!
Erin: Yeah but they need to get the music straight
Erin: Are they gonna play jazz or orchestra
Ronnie: the music sounds like it’s playing backwards… 😀
Erin: Oh god the ship is called the Nip N Tuck.
Ronnie: music ‘composer’? He needs shooting
Ronnie: really? I never noticed that… damn!
Erin: Yeah, muted trumpet just doesn’t say “death” to me.
Erin: Wow, stilted dialogue
Ronnie: horrible, cheesy, dialogue…
Ronnie: idle chit-chat
Erin: Oooh, you and your “people.”
Erin: That guy’s gonna die horribly.
Ronnie: ‘… but we won the war!’
Erin: Hey, you know what Custer’s last words were?
Ronnie: was that a one legged seagull???

It IS a one-legged seagull!

It IS a one-legged seagull!

Erin: The dialogue says yes but the music says no
Erin: I think the humanoid emptied the gas
Ronnie: why you? Because your dooooooooomed!
Ronnie: that kid needs a slap!
Erin: Oh shit gasoline on the poop deck!
Ronnie: tee hee hee… ‘poop’ 😀
Erin: The humanoid thought Jackie was a female
Ronnie: that was a total ‘play backward’ shot!
Ronnie: what, a, bunch, of idiots!
Erin: Was that three explosions? Four?

BOOOOOOMMM!!! (four times). Apparently that's the explosion you get when you leave a dribble of petrol on the poop deck...

BOOOOOOMMM!!! (four times). Apparently that's the explosion you get when you leave a dribble of petrol on the poop deck...

Ronnie: that was about four explosions, raining fire
Ronnie: did someone fart?
Ronnie: the kid AND dog just legged it
Erin: That’s right, kill the dog.
Ronnie: must have been a vindaloo… that’s a lot of ‘fog’! 😀
Erin: The guy was fishing for his kid to remind us we are in a fishing village
Erin: Looks like someone smoking and blowing the smoke in front of the camera
Erin: Oh, Baron,
Ronnie: that totally WAS someone blowing smoke and playing with a dog
Ronnie: woe-betide!
Erin: Fake scare.
Erin: Wouldn’t they have killed all the cats in town because they’re bad luck?
Ronnie: yeah, the old cat in the ‘something’ gag
Ronnie: from the trail of goop, they’re giant slugs
Erin: That chick has entirely too much ass for an early 80s movie
Erin: I bet she thought she was fat
Ronnie: it’s the jeans, they make her bum look big…
Erin: Hot numbers from Humboldt county!
Ronnie: the sound on this movie is all over the place! The music is loud, the people are quiet, sound effects are WAAAYYY too loud…
Erin: So are the jeans making her lips look big too?
Ronnie: yeah… it’s all good
Erin: Oh shit, I can see where this is going
Ronnie: all the dogs but one breed are dead??
Ronnie: What’s the killer? A giant cat with a chip on it’s shoulder??
Erin: All the dogs but the Indian’s dog. It’s a racist cat.
Ronnie: Alex! 13mins 15sec – underwear!
Ronnie: ah crap, a giant racist cat!
Erin: Underwear and high heels, gotta look hot for my death scene
Ronnie: the heels are to make sure she’ll fall
Erin: Gotcha.
Erin: She is ready for someone named Linda to come over?
Ronnie: yay! 😀
Ronnie: 15mins in, and there’s been about a dozen cheap (ineffective) scares
Erin: The only thing that scares me is that old woman’s orange corsage
Erin: The blonde chick changed high heels
Ronnie: FESTIVAL??! A barn with some people and some dude with a banjo

The banjo-dude. Aka: the-scenes-that-helped-pad-the-film-out.

The banjo-dude. Aka: the-scenes-that-helped-pad-the-film-out.

Erin: I bet the Indians are environmentalists.
Erin: This is a terror of big business movie
Erin: Grrreat little scientist
Ronnie: Jesus, her hair is huuuuuuge!
Ronnie: oh no, not the banjo guy again…
Erin: Oh, they’re messin with Mother Nature. Bigger salmon, big enough to kill your dog and fuck your wife.
Ronnie: could be worse, could kill your wife and f….
Ronnie: nah, never mind… 😀
Erin: Heh heh heh
Erin: Is Vic Morrow the guy with the fro?
Erin: They have a bouncer at their jamboree!
Ronnie: ‘festival’!
Erin: That was some weak kick. Watch the guy jumping back from the punches.
Erin: Hahahaha the punch through the window!
Ronnie: that was quite probably the girliest fight EVAR!
Erin: I actually Lol’d
Ronnie: what’s an OWL doing out, hooting, in broad daylight??!
Erin: Now they’ve got a military drum and fife in the mix
Erin: The owl was just part of the muzak
Ronnie: what’s a ‘fife’?
Erin: A flute
Erin: Let’s wait and hear what Johnny Eagle has to say
Ronnie: oh – your edumakational
Erin: Well I’m American, we know everything
Ronnie: they’re in beachwear even though it looks bloody freezing?!
Erin: Good thing the invisibility spray worked so they could do it in public

Uh, guys... the invisibility spray isn't working. She can see you. And I'm sorry, but that has to be THEE most dull day ever for beachwear...

Uh, guys... the invisibility spray isn't working. She can see you. And I'm sorry, but that has to be THEE most dull day ever for beachwear...

Erin: He’s gonna have a heartattack before he lands that fish
Erin: Oooh, 2 black eyes!
Ronnie: yeah
Erin: Aw man I like the way her camera hangs!
Erin: She’s gonna live
Ronnie: are those two just going to walk for miles just to snog in public?
Ronnie: net net net net…. (aka: Jaws)
Erin: Oh, the boy who cried fish
Ronnie: niiiiice! Half a face!
Erin: Oh the famous fingernails in the sand shot
Erin: Boobs!
Ronnie: yay!
Ronnie: 30mins in 😀
Erin: Those guys are all beat to hell by one Indian.
Ronnie: yeah… wussies
Ronnie: speak of the devil…
Erin: Hey, nice vest. You too!
Ronnie: why is everyone wearing lumberjack shirts?
Erin: It is required on the north Pacific coast. Where do you think the “grunge look” came from?
Ronnie: 34mins – chick showing boobs to a dummy…
Erin: I can’t believe he kept dummying after she got naked
Erin: And the dummy’s eyes moved
Erin: After he was dead
Ronnie: 35mins, full nudity!
Ronnie: and, uh, possibly creature rape!
Erin: Thank God for Roger Corman
Erin: Of course, the rules are in effect. They are only raping the slutty ones.
Ronnie: ah, true…
Erin: Shut up Susan!
Erin: Hah!
Ronnie: 😀
Erin: Odd how it is still daylight where the bad guys are
Erin: More multiple explosions
Ronnie: yeah, and how all three explosions sounded identical
Ronnie: even though they were different distances from the camera
Erin: I suspect the whole movie is dubbed
Ronnie: I’m convinced of it, due to the previous scenes of the people in the boat. Again all voices were the same volume, even though some where on the deck, some up top
Erin: The boat scene definitely
Erin: And the three strikes of the head on the dock was arty
Erin: Now run it over, bitch!
Ronnie: exactly what I was going to say!
Ronnie: she doesn’t even look scared…
Ronnie: don’t forget to check the rear-view mirror! FAIL!
Erin: Aaaand explosions
Ronnie: another three explosions 😀
Ronnie: obviously the same explosion, but do we need to see it from three different angles?!
Erin: Is this gonna be one of those movies where everyone gets dead and nobody notices
Ronnie: It already IS!
Erin: The Homeboy Ambulance Service

OK, who's going to lean out the window and make the siren noise?

OK, who's going to lean out the window and make the siren noise?

Ronnie: tee hee 😀
Ronnie: look, your Doug McClure! You’ve saved the planet on numerous occassions!
Erin: Yeah, surely you can handle a walking mess of collard greens!
Ronnie: seems not… they’re all scared of a bundle of seaweed with exposed brain…
Erin: It did have an exposed brain, I forgot about that
Ronnie: so she’s suddenly an expert on seaweed monsters??!
Ronnie: amazing
Erin: Yeah she’s the person who knows more than they’re saying
Ronnie: and she can draw
Erin: My favorite stock character
Ronnie: why does she somehow know about them??
Erin: She accidentally created them
Ronnie: ‘bigger than I expected’ she said
Erin: Remember, she was making bigger salmon?
Ronnie: yeah, but they weren’t salmon
Erin: Well whatever she put in the water mutated some fish
Ronnie: uh oh, now it’s the ‘lets go on a dangerous mission’
Ronnie: and gave them exposed brains??! Wow… I’m impressed 😀
Ronnie: oh, and made them humanoid
Erin: Nice wetsuit
Ronnie: yeah I was wondering when she was going to start getting skimpy
Erin: As soon as she did they attacked
Ronnie: AIM FOR THE HEAD!
Erin: No shit, aim for the Mars Attacks back of the head
Ronnie: Sorry, I forgot the rules… danger = skimpy
Erin: Peggy was fucked nearly to death
Ronnie: she’s probably pregnant by now
Erin: Yeah, he buried her in the kelp until the eggs could hatch
Erin: You stupid ass! Look at it!
Ronnie: ‘you stupid ASS’ 😀
Erin: FTW
Ronnie: ha ha, he got verbally bitch slapped

He looks seriously pissed at being called a 'stupid ass'. Looks quite campy too.

He looks seriously pissed at being called a 'stupid ass'. Looks quite campy too.

Erin: Like Jimbo and Johnny Eagle are gonna understand this science lesson
Ronnie: so Kenko (which is a make of coffee in the UK by the way) are letting her show this film??
Erin: Hmmm
Erin: The festival! Oh my God!
Erin: She ain’t gonna solve this in 20 mins
Ronnie: yeah, I thought ‘oh my God’ too, thought it’d be the banjo guy again!
Ronnie: not so sure, she’s learned everything about the Humanoids in about ten minutes…
Erin: I remember the festival this is from the trailer. We’re gonna see a nice decap if we have the right version
Ronnie: banjo guy again!
Erin: So we have to stop the humanoids, find out if the girl is pregnant and see what happens to Doug McClure’s brother
Ronnie: hands full? There wasn’t THAT much there…
Erin: Can they tie it all up?
Erin: Oh no, not the baby
Ronnie: of course they can half-ass it…
Ronnie: why bother showing it, if it isn’t gonna get it?
Erin: NoYo Noyo Noyo
Ronnie: is he trying to hypnotise them??
Erin: All those explosions and things in 3s and they still couldn’t pad the running time to more than an hour 20?
Ronnie: they’re padding it with the banjo guy! 😀
Erin: Slattery is Vic Morrow. Hope he gets killed spectacularly
Erin: She is waving at the fleeing masses
Ronnie: decap with any luck…
Ronnie: she’s a beauty queen, what do you expect?
Erin: I love the foot stuck out to trip the roller skater
Ronnie: they’re walking like they’ve crapped their pants….
Erin: And the biggest slut of all was the bad guy’s daughter
Ronnie: throat rip!
Erin: I think we got the wrong cut
Erin: Should’ve been a decap
Ronnie: not even a decap can save this anyway….
Ronnie: highway patrol??!
Erin: Yeah, because they’re trained to catch speeders and humanoids
Erin: Why is she watering the water?
Ronnie: ah right… see they don’t get training for Humanoid attacks in the UK
Erin: Humanoids riding the carousel
Ronnie: well at least the Humanoids are enjoying the rides…
Erin: Oooh exposed ribs on the DJ
Ronnie: do all mothers pick up knives when a kid cries???
Erin: How did her top come off from picking up a rock?
Ronnie: it managed to swipe and only take her top off…
Ronnie: Alex, 1hr 1min, lots of jiggly boobies 😀
Erin: LOL the one girl still hanging on the dock
Ronnie: get him! GET HIM!
Erin: See how nice Indians are? Johnny Eagle saved Slattery’s life
Ronnie: Indian dude shoulda left him
Erin: But that’s not part of the propaganda
Ronnie: oh, right… 😀
Ronnie: see, that’s why I don’t make movies
Erin: The scientist chick should die
Ronnie: after all that petrol they sprayed, all they got from it is about five little fires???
Erin: Oh that was what they were spraying?
Ronnie: yeah
Ronnie: (‘gas’ to you Americans 😀 )
Erin: Ha ha
Erin: These people take boats everywhere
Ronnie: ok, that’s funny
Erin: Now that was a dubbed beatdown
Ronnie: about ten of them bashing it’s brains in
Erin: Hell yeah that’s how we ROLL on land!
Ronnie: see this is Darwin’s theory of evolution in action. These things are rubbish on land, so they’ll never survive…
Erin: Dig the absurdly long arms
Ronnie: yeah, I quite liked that…
Erin: DRANO!
Ronnie: drain cleaner and stab wildly… there ya go, that’s the solution…
Erin: OK, now I have seen every scene from the trailer
Erin: 5 mins left
Erin: I knew that was McClure why didn’t she?
Ronnie: she was in a killing frenzy…
Erin: The State Patrol is late
Ronnie: Did they get the banjo guy? 😀
Erin: The one cop is completely addled
Ronnie: ‘everything is ok, isn’t it?’… what do you think you stupid COW!! The place is in tatters!!

Everythings ok? What do you think you stupid woman!!

Everythings ok? What do you think you stupid woman!!

Ronnie: mutant baby in 3, 2, 1…
Erin: Self C-Section
Erin: WTF with Peggy’s eyes?
Ronnie: What about MY eyes after having watched this??!!

Uh, I don't think she's gunna make it. And why does she have dried snot down her face??

Uh, I don't think she's gunna make it. And why does she have dried snot down her face??

Erin: I wish they had made a sequel so they could kill off the scientist for making her have the baby
Erin: What a lab whore!
Ronnie: probably experimenting on herself…
Erin: Yeah, I didn’t see HER having a humanoid for science
Erin: Peggy took one for the team though
Ronnie: yeah, and what a one… 😀
Ronnie: speaking of ones… what’s your score? 😀
Erin: Oh 3.5 definitely! Glorious drive-in fare from the last gasp of the drive in!
Ronnie: yeah, I’m going with a 2.5, but upping it to 3 for the boobs. I have to. 😀
Erin: Men.
Erin: This is the best movie we’ve seen in weeks!
Ronnie: I should really give it another .5 for Alex…
Ronnie: yeah, I’ll give it a 3.5 😀
Ronnie: Alex, you’ve redeemed yourself!
Erin: Um, I picked this one.
Ronnie: You did?
Ronnie: Alex!!!!
Erin: Yep. I showed him the trailer.
Ronnie: Ok Alex, you’re busted…
Erin: You just thought I didn’t cause we didn’t get a good shot of the Humanoids’ wangs.
Ronnie: well, yeah. 😉
Ronnie: no, it’s because Alex first mentioned it while we were watching something else… two/three weeks ago
Erin: Oh yeah, I guess we can share credit.
Erin: Or blame
Ronnie: well, no, not if you showed him the trailer! Your pick… you’ve redeemed yourself from C&B, Alex still needs redemption from the Baron.
Ronnie: I’ve done ok so far *fingers crossed* 😀
Erin: Ok, then, I’m hungry for a nice fish dinner
Ronnie: make sure it’s not a hormone treated salmon!!!
Erin: Will do

Ronnie’s Rating: ★★★½☆

Erin’s Rating: ★★★½☆

Trailer:

Website Pin Facebook Twitter Myspace Friendfeed Technorati del.icio.us Digg Google StumbleUpon Premium Responsive

About Ronnie

Having survived the UK's 'video nasty' (prohibition) era I'm eager to catch up with all previously unseen sleaze and filth. I revel in mixtape oddness, boobage, gore, and proper latex special effects, don't get me started on CGI... - email Ronnie
This entry was posted in Exploitation, Gore, Horror, Humour, Scifi, Sleaze and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Humanoids From The Deep – review chat

  1. This film taught me that all I needed to do to score with hot chicks was learn ventriloquism.

    This movie LIED TO ME!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *