Sparrow Unit: The Termination Squad

You know a movie means business when it uses crosshairs in the title.

You know a movie means business when it uses crosshairs in the title.

Sparrow Unit is a one of those flicks I never would of found had it not been for the passionate and devoted fans of trashy cinema that populate the deepest, darkest corners of the Internet.  It barely has an imdb page, there are no pictures, trailers or clips from it anywhere on the ‘net, yet despite total anonymity, it seems to travel the proper circles through the reputation it has among those who have been fortunate enough to have seen it.  What is that reputation you may ask?  Well imagine if John woo moved to the Philippines, and made a furiously paced, but grittier ultra violent action movie about rebels performing a seemingly endless sequence of hits upon mostly unsuspecting, but supposedly “corrupt” military and police personnel.  If you don’t already have a boner, now would be a good time to get one.The first kill in the movie.  Please bare in mind almost 100, all on screen, follow this one.

The first kill in the movie. Please bare in mind almost 100 kills, most on screen, follow this one.

Sparrow Unit’s plot is relatively insignificant in the long haul, but does enough reason, just enough that is, to shrug off the fact that about every 6 1/2 seconds, someone is being riddled with lead.  The story follows a group of  “Sparrows”, which is the authorities cute little nickname for rebels-ish people who lives in the mountains, and come down to mainland Philippines in order to assassinate high ranking officials in order to expedite a coup.  Their reasoning is simply that the “powers that be” are hellishly corrupted, a motivation which one of our crew of Sparrows will question later in the movie, naturally.  So with that little tidbit out of the way, Sparrow Unit sets out to actually be more frenetically paced and show more on screen deaths than a Ringo Lam, John Woo, and Michael Bay movie combined.  Ok, so it’s not that many, but since watching this movie consisted of little more than enjoying terrific shootouts and chase scenes, I’ decided to count along with the kills, and I lost count somewhere in the very high 90’s, due to the fact that I couldn’t clearly see how many people died in a particular boat explosion.  Make no doubt about folks, even though this movie seems to try and be sending a message about rebellion and authority, it makes no bones about what the first priority is, which is killing every extra that was paid for at least 23 times.

Oh fuck guys, its the late 80's.  Grande from Army Surplus store.  T-shirt and matching denim jacket and jeans supplied by OshKosh B'gosh.

Oh fuck guys, its the late 80's. Grenade from Army Surplus store. T-shirt and matching denim jacket and jeans supplied by OshKosh B'gosh.

The acting, from what I can tell, seems pretty competent, but again, it is incredibly hard to really invest a ton of emotion into these characters, since they are all so cookie cutter (in that awesome kinda group of assassins 80’s way) and predictable.  You have your hard-headed die-hard leader, willing to sacrifice anything to achieve his mission.  The partner/friend to the leader guy who ends up questioning his own motivation and whether or not he even believes in what he is doing anymore.  The rest of the crew is filled out by the expendables, who are given small traits like enjoying food or maybe being a little funny at inappropriate times.  There is of course a girl, who of course is hot for hard-headed leader guy, and the have sex.  It’s probably the worst love scene ever filmed, includes no nudity, and is awkward as all get out to watch.  But, it’s the 80’s and goddammit were gonna have a love scene edited together and intertwined with some heroes dying, because goddammit, it’s the 80’s!!!  Did I mention this movie reeks of the 80’s?

They kill a guy with a speargun, which was totally unessecary since th assassin had a gun with him at the time.  But the speargun was a million times more badass.

They kill a guy with a speargun, which was totally unnecessary since th assassin had a gun with him at the time. But the speargun was a million times more badass.

There really isn’t much more I can say here other than if your an action buff who thinks they have seen everything, chances are you haven’t seen this.  It’s budget seem fairly modest, but damn do they make every penny count.  The death toll is hovering around triple digits, the action is so relentless there were times where I would walk away from my computer to grab a drink, keeping my eyes on the screen, only to be caught off guard by the sound of gunfire, and have to race back to my seat in order to see what happened.  It has a somewhat twisted playful vibe to it to, and even though there are several “downer” moments, I never felt like the director was trying to genuinely make me feel sad.  The “downer” moments seemed like the logical thing to do next, in order to progress the nearly non-existent “story, thus it happens.

When dying from a hail of bullets in a foreign action movie, it is important to jump and flail the arms and legs wildly, as to convey to the audience that you, in fact, have been shot.

When dying from a hail of bullets in a foreign action movie, it is important to jump and flail the arms and legs wildly, as to convey to the audience that you, in fact, have been shot.

So if you are at all an Internet savvy person (I.E. you are familiar with the ways to “procure” certain items online in the new century) and you want to see something that transcends the action genre into a video game-esque, laugh riot of pure, seemingly uninterrupted 9mm joy, then hunt down Sparrow Unit: The Termination Squad, crack open a cold one (or whatever fancy drugs you ruffians do now-a-days) and get ready to get blown away.

Rating: ★★★½☆

SERIOUS BUSINESS!!!!!!!!  Just look at that facial expression.

SERIOUS BUSINESS!!!!!!!! Just look at that facial expression. He loves his job.

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About Alex Seda

"I watched him for fifteen years, sitting in a room, staring at a wall, not seeing the wall, looking past the wall - looking at this night, inhumanly patient, waiting for some secret, silent alarm to trigger him off. Death has come to your little town, Sheriff. Now you can either ignore it, or you can help me to stop it." ~Dr. Loomis email alex
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