Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus – the movie blockbuster of 2009

Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus

Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus

It’s the movie blockbuster of 2009, and it’s HERE! Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus! (MSvGO from here on, as I’m too lazy to keep typing that big long name).

Wait, I can’t say any thing about this magnum opus without giving you the official IMDb plotline:

The California coast is terrorized by two enormous prehistoric sea creatures as they battle each other for supremacy of the sea.

Yep, that’s it. That’s all you get. The movie is so big, so awe inspiring, that IMDb just can’t find the words to describe it!

Umm, as you can imagine, MSvGO is not a big budget afair, nor is it a special effects extravaganza, In fact…it’s so bad it’s awesome. Let me demonstrate it’s bad awesomeness with Exhibit A: Debbie Gibson Hot MILFness:

Hot MILF, Debbie Gibson, playing with a joystick. Oh my!

Hot MILF, Debbie Gibson, playing with a joystick. Oh my!

You think it doesn’t get any better? Behold, quite probably the greatest scene in the entire movie, and in movie history:

Yes, that's a big shark, and a passenger plane

Yes, that's a big shark, and a passenger plane

Gasp in awe as mega shark leaps from the water, ascends in to the clouds and pulls a passenger plane down to their watery doom! No, seriously. That’s what happened!

You want more awesomeness?

Mega Shark attacks the Golden Gate bridge!

Mega Shark attacks the Golden Gate bridge!

I’m not sure if the movie is sponsored by Kempston* (ask your parents), but there are joysticks everywhere! In submarines, in mini-subs, you name it!

See? More joysticks!

See? More joysticks!

Oh, and if you have seisures because of flashing lights, avoid this film as, for reasons unknown, they keep flashing the screen white. I’m sure its to move between scenes, but it just looks like someone keeps taking photo’s with a mega-flash. And I know they were low on budget but seriously, CGI guys; you can not have a mega shark swim through the water and have no wake on/behind it’s ginormous fin! And the lighting, Jesus! Everything is lit with green, or purple! It does not enhance mood/drama, it makes it look like it’s cut scenes from a video game. A bad one at that!

I’m sorry, but neither the scenes mentioned above, or Debbie Gibson in a tight t-shirt can save this. If MSvGO wasn’t trying to take its self so seriously, I’d give it a 3, maybe even a 4, but I’m giving it:

Rating: ★★½☆☆

And the ending? Well…

PS: there’s no point in watching the movie now, I’ve just told you the only good bits in it.

Oh ok, here’s the trailer then:

* Kempston used to make joysticks back in the 80’s, ala:

instr-joystick-1

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About Ronnie

Having survived the UK's 'video nasty' (prohibition) era I'm eager to catch up with all previously unseen sleaze and filth. I revel in mixtape oddness, boobage, gore, and proper latex special effects, don't get me started on CGI... - email Ronnie
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