I have to post the Netflix synopsis here because I’m going to bitch about it. I mean, come the fuck on, Netflix! You’re getting a flat fee from me. Blockbuster’s mail order service sucks. You’re gonna get my money, so you might as well tell me what the movie is really about! Here is their take on this admittedly underrated giallo:
“A chain of increasingly gruesome crimes begins when an unscrupulous man named Mainardi (George Hilton) coerces a serial killer (Michel Antoine) into offing Mainardi’s wife. After a young couple (Alessio Orano and Cristina Galbó) steals the murderer’s car — along with the fresh corpse in its trunk — the killer sets off on a maniacal crime spree, staying one step ahead of the bumbling police in director Luigi Cozzi’s giallo-genre thriller.”
Now here’s what really happened. This was a stylish and thoroughly enjoyable thriller, but there is no “chain of increasingly gruesome crimes” and the police are the only people who aren’t “bumbling.” Netflix could pay someone, like for example, me, to watch movies and write better blurbs than that. As the movie opens, the serial killer, known only as “The Killer” puts a dead woman into the passenger seat of a Volkswagen Bug and squeezes her breast before driving away to dispose of the body. Right away we know that he kills to get his rocks off because of the boob grab and that she was strangled because there is no blood . Kudos to the makeup dept, by the way, for making her and the other strangulation victim to follow actually look dead.
Meanwhile, Mainardi and his wife Norma (Teresa Velasquez, looking like an Italian Tori Spelling) argue over his infidelities and she threatens to cut him off financially. Now I have to stop here to show you pictures of their giallo house because it defies description.
In what social circle, or circus, was the ever the fashion for rich folk?
How many Muppets died to cover that couch?
No shit, the whole house.
Anyway, Mainardi leaves in a huff and goes to use a payphone by a deserted lagoon, where The Killer just happens to be dumping the body of the first victim. Mainardi blackmails The Killer into going somewhere else to talk to him. A cafe? An all-night diner? Mainardi’s car?
No, they go and watch a late night ice skating exhibition, and not a very crowded one at that. Mainardi convinces The Killer to kill Norma, then goes home and has sex with her to throw her off her guard.
Norma’s death is where one of the two really outstanding scenes happens. While The Killer is strangling her in her yellow house, the film flashes back and forth between the murder and Mainardi telling jokes and having a good old time at a party somewhere else, and when she is dead the director shows Mainardi and his friends clinking glasses and doing a shot.
But, as the synopsis got right, The Killer’s car is stolen by Laura and her new boyfriend Luca. Seems Laura has promised Luca he can pop her cherry if he takes her on an all-night joyride in a stolen car to a beach called Seagull Point. The body of Norma is already in the trunk so the bumbling Killer steals another car waking the whole neighborhood in the process, and by the time Mainardi saunters home the police are on him and his house like ugly on an ape. The chief inspector (Eduardo Fajardo) knows this is no ordinary kidnapping, because what kidnapper leaves behind a length of phone cord and steals a car to getaway?
So The Killer tracks the kids to the beach where they have begun the cherry-poppin process in an abandoned villa. One thing never changes; ain’t no party like an empty house party. Never mind that they robbed a gas station with Galbo’s breasts the night before, and surely could have sprung for a motel room. But Laura the whiny girlfriend stops Luca and tells him she won’t come across unless he goes and gets her something to eat. Fine.
Luca is such a great guy that along the way he picks up a character we simply know as “Dizzy Blonde” (Femi Venussi) next to her broken down car and they drive into a wooded area to get it on in the car. Meanwhile, The Killer has made it to Seagull Point, found Laura, and gently and lovingly takes her virginity. Seriously. Technically it is a rape, because she is crying and saying no, but basically all he does is fuck her and he even tells her he loves her. He doesn’t even kill her when she’s done, just ties her up! This is the other great scene, because the director cuts back and forth between the two sex scenes. Also, Dizzy Blonde goes full frontal.
Now Dizzy Blonde wants to drive and she backs the stolen car into a tree which breaks the truck latch, but genius Luca still doesn’t find Norma. He makes the blonde slide over and he drives her back to the villa. He promises her a three way with Laura but with the caveat that “if the other broad won’t swing we’ll leave her there.” Classy. Luca goes in the house and The Killer knocks him out by slamming his head into the wall and tells the two kids to remember this next time they think to steal a car. But when The Killer gets outside, Dizzy Blonde has found the body, so he convinces her to go back inside with him because Luca is the killer and the inspector will want to talk to her. He tries to knife her to death and does, but not before she pushes him away and runs to where Laura and Luca are so they are now witnesses. The Killer is reeling because of the blood on his hands because he prefers to strangle, so he leaves the knife in the body and goes to wash his hands. Laura then scoots over to the body, frees herself with the knife, and rapes The Killer to death with a blade to the guts. Nice poetic turn there, really.
The movie cuts to Laura and Luca in the inspector’s office, where he makes his plan to get Mainardi for the murder. He tells the two kids they will get over this by supporting each other, but I somehow doubt they are bonded for life. He also blames Luca for the blonde’s death, but no charges are set for the car theft because “they have been through enough.”
Like I said, I liked the movie. It was, although silly in places, a very cohesive plot for an Italian movie and had I been expecting a thriller I would not have been in any way disappointed. But when I sign up for “a maniacal crime spree,” that’s what I expect to get! Why can’t anyone make a scary, bloody, naked movie that makes sense? Can I get a hell yeah?