If you like naked women, you’ll LOVE Bloodsucking Freaks! It’s full frontal naked nude women being tortured on stage, torturing someone else on stage, torturing/being tortured off stage for fun, eating people, nude, nude nude!
So you may gather that this is an exploitation flick, but it does not leave one with the feeling of unhappiness after it is over, so I believe it was intended to be a comedy as well. It ceratinly is funny. I am still working my way through the movies that were in the boxes that scared me as a child looking at them on the shelf and that cross-eyed bleeding dead guy to your left still does the trick.
Unlike many 70s boobs and blood epics, this one has a linear plot. Sardu is into S&M and he kills people on stage; he also traffics in white slavery. Interestingly, the women he keeps around to torture him are black. Yes, Sardu goes sub at times, a change he signals by moving his keys from the right side of his belt to the left. In between scaring people for intimidation and putting on shows, Sardu and Ralphus like to play darts. The bullseye is a woman’s butthole.
Now for what there is of the plot. A famous art critic, athlete and prima ballerina all attend the show one night. Sardu does his best to entertain, even letting his dwarf assistant Ralphus tear out and eat one victim’s eyeball. But the critic snubs Sardu after the show, saying he won’t review it because it’s trashy and he doesn’t want even a bad review to send business Sardu’s way. Then Natasha the ballerina praises the actresses but tells her dumb boyfriend Tom Maverick within Sardu’s earshot that she has to go home before she pukes.
Well, it seems Sardu doesn’t take constructive criticism too well. He has the critic and the ballerina kidnapped by sending the dwarf out to use a blowgun (yes, a straw in his mouth) to shoot tranquilizing darts and the big dominatrices bring the quarry home. The athlete is too dumb to tell the cops the girl’s disappearance just may have to do with the weird place in Soho where they went slumming, so a shrewd cop blackmails him so that Maverick won’t be the prime suspect.
The critic is chained up and fed human flesh for dinner, which he keeps eating after the revelation. Surely a statement on critics, Mr. Filmmaker? Natasha is treated by a doctor, who then is invited to get his freak on; he pulls out another girl’s teeth, drills a hole in her head and sucks out her brains with a straw. The looks on Sardu and Ralphus at this point are hilarious; the doctor is too gross even for them and so they feed him to their cage full of feral naked women. One of them rips out an organ and rubs it all over her breasts, giving us the holy grail of exploitation: bloody boobs. Then Natasha is forced to watch horrors such as another dancer dragged into the room with her feet cut off, but nothing really happens to Natasha herself. This is not exactly MK Ultra here, but she must have had it in her to be a freak anyway because she consents to do the show and when her boyfriend and the cop try to save her at the end, she says she has to go back to her master Sardu. Who is about as convincing a master as that guy from Manos.
I liked this movie and found it tame by today’s standards. I hate to think what that says about me. The most disturbing part in my mind is that somewhere on earth, right now, someone is masturbating to this film, and somewhere else is another guy who doesn’t think it’s as hardcore as his regular Saturday night thing.